Art: Nina Charest

The other day an old boss emailed me about a position opening up at the company where I interned a few summers ago. I don't know much about the job, and the company isn't the best fit for me, career-wise, but I'm graduating soon. Is it better for me to walk into the wrong job (at least then I'll have one) or should I at least try to find something in my field first?

One Wrong Move?

Dear Move,

Why can't you do both? First, get as much information as you can about the job: what it entails, the salary and benefits, who you would report to, contract or full time, etc. Next, determine how long after graduating you can go without a job. Six weeks? Three months? Six months? Finding a job can be difficult enough without adding in the career focus. You can tell your old boss this if you feel it necessary, but there's nothing to stop you from taking the wrong job while looking for the right one. It will keep a roof over your head and food on your table while allowing you to set aside money to help you make it through if you decide to look for a career full time. I understand why you don't want to get trapped so soon out of the gate, but you're never under any obligation to stay forever at a job you don't like. Make a contract with yourself, e.g. I will give this job six months before I start looking for something else, I will spend at least one hour an evening looking for something better suited, and so on. So long as you know what you're doing and you don't get yourself into a situation that you can't legally get yourself out of, there's no reason you can't look for something in your field with a little money in your pocket.

Checkmate,

Miss Smartypants

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Art: Nina Charest

Dear Miss Smartypants,

Do I have to do something with my partner for Valentine's Day? My boyfriend and I have been together for about six months now. I've never liked Valentine's Day, and having a boyfriend doesn't make me any more inclined to do something for it than I was before. He's marginally more romantic than I am, so I'm worried that the day means more to him than it does to me (we're both more the type to be moved by someone remembering your favourite kind of cookie than spontaneously bringing flowers home). I'm also worried that if I try to get at his feelings about it with a leading question like, "What do you want to do for Valentine's Day?" it will put pressure on him to do something extravagant. I'd rather just sit at home and watch HBO. How do I approach the situation?

It's a Work Night Anyway

Dear Casanova,

If you don't like Valentine's Day, just say so. Six months is long enough that you should feel comfortable acting like yourself in relationship. Sit your boyfriend down and ask him if he already has something planned for Valentine's Day. If he doesn't and you get the sense that he now feels pressure to, explain that you've never been one for making a big deal about St. Valentine's martyrdom. Make sure he believes you. Then, if you discover it is important to him to mark the occasion, find a compromise activity. If he does have something planned, try to have an open mind about it. You might find that you like it. If you don't and you make it to this time next year, sit him down in January and tell him you don't want to make as big a deal about Valentine's Day this year. Relationships are about compromise. If you can last 18 months, you'll have learned that lesson ten times over.

Romantically,

Miss Smartypants

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Art: Nina Charest

About six months ago, I started my first permanent job. Through university and since graduation, I've been living pretty hand to mouth. Fortunately, I don't have any big debts to pay off (monthly credit card bill, but that's about it). What I'm wondering is, should I budget? I'm making enough money that I can pay my bills and still have a little left over at the end of the month, but there's nothing I'm really striving for. Should I enjoy this liquidity for the time being and think about it later?

Planning Ahead Was Never My Forte

Dear Forte,

In this economy? No, you should not think about this later. You should think about it now. First, keep track of how much you spend in a month. Not just the big stuff (rent, phone, internet, hydro), but everything: groceries, coffee breaks, movies, after work drinks. Don't total it up and end up altering your behaviour just because you are keeping track of it. Wait until a full month has passed and add that in there. Take your grand total and subtract it from the amount you make in a month. Now you know exactly how much liquidity you really have. With this figure in mind, find a financial planner. This might be through your bank or someone you know who has one. A financial planner will be able to  -- get this -- help you make a financial plan. Through a series of questions, you'll be able to determine what you want to do with your money: go on a trip? lease a car? plan for unemployment? Not saying that to be mean, but it could happen. If you're lucky, your planner should be able to come up with something that saves toward retirement (sigh, yes, you need to start doing that right away) and something you can enjoy sooner (like that trip).

Also, please consider setting up a monthly contribution to a worthwhile charity. Haiti is top of mind right now (and that's a great place to start), and there are so many NGOs and charities that could do great things with your money every day of the year. It feels good to use our Western affluence for something other than ourselves. And you'll get a nice tax break. It's win-win.

Fiscally,

Miss Smartypants

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Art: Nina Charest

Dear Miss Smartypants,

A few months ago, someone at my boyfriend's workplace complained to HR about his better benefits and pay. They were what he negotiated with his contract. Unfortunately, he didn't get it in writing, so the company felt the need to cut in order to appease the complainant (that's a question for another column, though). My boyfriend checked into who lodged the complaint and discovered that it was one of his friends. I mean, good friends. Helped him move, listened to him for weeks after a bad break up, the whole nine yards. A couple of weeks ago, we ran into the ex-friend while out shopping, and imagine my surprise to see how buddy-buddy they are again. After we left, I asked my boyfriend what was going on, and it turns out that it wasn't even the friend who complained! All these months I've been harping about what a douchebag he is and giving him the death glare (even at the store!), and it was for no reason. I still see him socially, and I'm wondering what to do. Apologize for my behaviour? Explain what I thought? Do nothing?

Can You Retract the Stink Eye?

Dear Stinky,

You shouldn't do anything. Apologizing often seems like the right thing to do when you've wronged someone, but it's not always the best thing. First, you should get on the horn to anyone you've badmouthed him to and explain that you got the wrong end of the stick so that story doesn't continue to spread. Next, simply go back to however you used to treat him before this all happened. It's possible that he doesn't know why you had the sudden shift in attitude, so just let him shrug it off as temporary. If you were super close (and it doesn't sound like you were) and he obviously noticed a marked difference in your behaviour, an explanation may be warranted. Otherwise, let it lay.

Kindly,

Miss Smartypants

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Art: Nina Charest

Dear Miss Smartypants,

My interactions with my roommate's boyfriend have been fairly limited, but just as I was getting ready to leave the other day, I heard him buzz into the building and start yelling as he went down the hallway, "I'm here! I'm here! Don't worry, I'm here!" My roommate ran to the door and threw it open, and a major lip lock began, complete with over-exaggerated mouth noises and "mmm"s on his part. And I was right there. I checked in with my roommate's old roommate, and it turns out that this was not a special occasion but how they regularly greet each other. It's disgusting. I can't tell if this is above and beyond or just the price you pay when you split the rent with someone. Plus, I already though the guy was a douche. This just confirms it.

Fed Up Roommate

Dear They Already Have a Bit?

How long have they been dating that they already need a bit? Maybe they're just that excited to be reunited, but it sounds like a bit, which could mean that they are headed for a break up. Anyway, no, rudeness is not the price you pay for having a roommate. It's all well and good if they want to do that when you're not around or think that you can't see/hear them (and ew, by the way), but it's quite another thing to do that right in front of you. The next time they do, loudly "Ahem" to make them aware of your presence. Reasonable human beings should be instantly embarrassed that you caught the show, but it does not seem like you are dealing with reasonable human beings. You may have to follow this up with a pointed "I'm right here" or even ask that they not do that in front of you.

Feel free to add that they are blocking the doorway,

Miss Smartypants

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