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Dear Miss Smartypants,

I just got the most bizarre Facebook invite of my Facebook life. I've been  group-invited  . . . to help someone move . . . from one city to another (the cities are about an hour or so apart). The best part? I don't live in either city. I'm going to visit a mutual friend in a nearby city (very nearby). I immediately clicked "Maybe" in case said mutual friend had committed us to helping. Turns out she didn't. She didn't even know about the invite (though, obviously, about the move). She doesn't want to do it, and neither do it. Quite frankly, that is just like the inviter. She's very much on the receiving end of the giving to receiving ratio on our relationship. So my question is what to do. Do I leave it with the maybe? Do I change it to a no? Do I write a note of apology to explain that I'm too busy?

Gah, I Never Thought Facebook Would Play Me This Way

Dear Facebook is a Bad Manners Enabler,

If you really want to know, I think the correct response is, "Are you a crazy person?", but I think a "no" will suffice. Yes, you should change it to a no, just so your mutual friend knows and doesn't keep a look out. Yes, it's more than this person deserves, but it will also spare you updates about an event you have no intention of attending.

Can we just take a minute, world? Is this a thing we are doing now? Inviting people to help move via A FACEBOOK INVITE? I'm hoping against hope that the person in question has no corn, in the parlance of my mother. Because otherwise . . . alright, let's break it down.

Are you in school? Did you recently graduate? If yes, you are allowed to ask people to help you to move. If not, save your pennies and hire movers.

Students and recent graduates, do not ask via Facebook invite or text message or any other similarly impersonal medium. Ask in person. If you must, ask over the phone. Do not beg, plead, or manipulate, as you are asking a very large favour indeed. Be quick to offer a form of repayment, be it gas money, free furniture, or pizza and beer.

And if you ARE moving from one city to another (even if they are close together), for the love of peace, save your pennies and hire movers. By all means, accept help if it is offered, but do not SOLICIT  it. VIA A FACEBOOK GROUP INVITE.

Accepts with great joy,

Miss Smartypants

Got problems, Facebook-related or otherwise? Sure ya do. Send 'em to Miss Smartypants at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . Her column appears the third Monday of every month.

Art: Nina Charest

Dear Miss Smartypants,

How do you apologize for heteronormativity? Earlier today I realized that I was heteronormative with a new acquaintance a couple months back (we were playing FMK). Though we're friend-ish now, I still don't know if I made the right call to begin with. Obviously it's not important, but I feel weird about assuming. What should I do about it?

Not Assuming Anything About You Here

Dear Mind Your Ps & Qs,

Let it lie. Let it lie is pretty much the advice that everyone should take in most situations. Here's the thing: what could you do? When you were heteronormative (for the uninitiated, assuming that everything exists along your straight world axis), that was your acquaintance/friend-ish's chance to correct your assumption. So either this person didn't because you assumed correctly or because Friend-ish doesn't want to play the personals with an acquaintance. If you bring it up now, you are just going to look weird. Store this incident with a mental note not to do it again, and move on.

Ambiguously,

Miss Smartypants

Got problems, etiquette-related or otherwise? Send 'em to Miss Smartypants: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .