Art: Nina Charest

Dear Miss Smartypants,

My wife and I recently received an invitation to an out-of-town wedding. It's adults-only. At sixteen, my daughter's not exactly an adult, but she's not exactly a screaming kid that someone wouldn't want at their wedding (assuming that "wedding" isn't code for "ritual human sacrifice"). My wife and I are currently debating leaving my daughter at home by herself instead of dragging her to the wedding. It's a short enough distance that we could reasonably drive there but long enough that it would necessitate staying the night. We've never left our daughter alone before. She's the classic good kid: good grades, good friends, never really gotten into trouble, etc. I think it will be alright. At the very least, I doubt she'll throw some raging party and burn down the house. My wife is scared that something might happen to our girl. I just don't see the point of making her go to a wedding if she's just going to sulk. Is sixteen old enough to spend the night on her own?

Concerned Dad

Dear Dad,

It's time to bring your daughter in on this conversation. Telling her that you are thinking about -- just thinking about -- going to an out of town wedding this summer (specify the dates with her) and are considering (make that part very clear) letting her stay behind. Let her make the case for why she should get to stay home alone. She may suggest staying at a friend's or relative's (after all, your wife lets her go to slumber parties, right?). It may become clear over the course of the conversation that she's not comfortable staying at home by herself. Heck, she might really want to go to the wedding. Do not agree to anything over the course of this initial conversation. Tell her that she's given you a lot to think about and that you and her mom will let her know what you decide. A clearer picture of your daughter's own interests and comfort level may make it easier for you to decide. And bear in mind, even if you elect to let her stay, nothing's ever perfect. The first time the Smartypants rents left yours truly alone for the weekend, I ate a bad strawberry and lost a good chunk of my Saturday to vomiting. Brother Smartypants was not impressed.

Parentally,

Miss Smartypants

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Art: Nina Charest

Dear Miss Smartypants,

Okay, this is sort of a weird one. I have to print a lot of stuff at my job. If I am printing a lot of stuff in one go, I'll wait 'til it's all done printing before I go to the printer to pick it up. Sometimes people try to be "helpful" by picking up my stuff when they are already at the printer and bringing it to my desk. This is not helpful. I will definitely still have to go to the printer to pick up the rest, and I will probably have to return other documents that were mixed in with mine (not a problem when I pick up my own stuff as I make sure to check). I always say thank you and try to add something like, "You don't have to do that for me!" (in a sweet tone of voice, obvs) to try to dissuade people, but it's not working. How can I get my co-workers to stop being so darn helpful?

Doing the Job Twice

Dear Twice,

Let me tell you something about getting people to stop doing something they think is nice: it's even harder than getting people to stop doing something mean. Essentially, you are annoyed because the people in question definitely haven't saved you any work and potentially caused you more. But if you are going to the printer anyway and you would have had to sort out the other documents anyway, then why are you complaining about having to do this? I can see why it grates, but being an ingrate isn't going to make it any better. Just say thanks and go about your business. Try to think of it as fewer reams of paper for you to carry.

Think Before You Print,

Miss Smartypants

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Art: Nina Charest

Dear Miss Smartypants,

I can't really begin to explain the particulars, but my boyfriend and I broke up for bizarre reasons a couple of months ago. We stayed in each other's orbit, so we were constantly pulled back together. Eventually, we decided to get back together. We are both pretty excited to be together again. Except for one thing -- while we were apart, I slept with one of his friends. It was just one time. One that neither of us has any interest in repeating. The friend thinks this should stay between us. I want to tell my boyfriend. Not out of guilt, exactly. We were both free agents at the time. I just don't want this hanging over my boyfriend and me when we're just starting out (again). Should I say something? Or should I keep this to myself?

One Night Stand Secret

Dear Secret,

At the beginning of the final season of Felicity, Felicity cheated on her boyfriend with his roommate. Her advisor/guidance counsellor/weird contrivance person advised her that honesty isn't always the best policy, kindness is. Whenever people wonder what the next step should be, that scene always comes back to me. Of course, Felicity was a TV show, so loads of drama followed. So ask yourself this: how likely is it that boyfriend will find out what happened through some other means? What will the fallout be? What happened wasn't just some random hook up. You slept with his friend. As long as your STI panel comes back clean (yes, you need to get one), keep your lips, and your pants, zipped.

Kindly,

Miss Smartypants

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Art: Nina Charest

Dear Miss Smartypants,

I started my first co-op job last month, but there's a problem. I keep falling asleep in meetings. I've tried everything . . . getting loads of sleep, drinking coffee, digging my nails into my palms. Nothing works. The worst thing is that I know I'm falling asleep but feel powerless to stop myself. It's only meetings (not even in classes!), so the best I can figure is that I nod off because there's nothing to interest me. Any thoughts on what I can do before I get myself fired?

Boredom Induced Narcolepsy

Dear Miss Smartypants,

New job, new problem. People call me to their offices to give me something to do, but I forget what by the time I get to my desk. I usually piece enough together to get the job done. But how long can I keep this up? What can I do?

If This Were a Conversation, I'd Probably Forget Your Answer

Dear Two Birds, One Stone,

I love it when two questions have the same answer! It's so simple. Are you ready for it? Take notes. That's it! By taking notes, you look like you are interested in the meeting/dedicated to doing a good job, and you stimulate your brain. Even if the meeting is so irrelevant that you just start writing out the lyrics to whatever song's stuck in your head, you'll still look like you care about the proceedings. Just don't start humming. Similarly, taking notes about what's expected of you, even for a smaller task, shows that you want to meet expectations. Next time someone calls you to his/her office, bring your notebook. If someone comes to you, don't hesitate to say, "Can you hang on minute? I want to write this down." Pen + paper. Easiest solution I can offer.

Though if the sleeping thing persists, you should seek the advice of a doctor to make sure it's nothing gerious, given that this is a new issue.

Noted,

Miss Smartypants

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Dear Miss Smartypants,

I recently went on vacation for two weeks, so I asked a friend to look in on my place while I am away. I don't have a pet, so it was pretty banal stuff: bring the mail in and water the plants. That's it. When I came back, my mailbox was crammed full, and all my plants were dead. My friend didn't stop by once. It's been a few weeks, but I'm still pretty pissed. She has a car, so it's not difficult to get to my place. What gives? What, if anything, can I say to her?

Droopy Basil is Not My Idea of a Homecoming Gift

Dear Droop,

Two weeks is a pretty long time not to stop by even once. If your friendship is otherwise intact, i.e. you don't regularly need to rely on her, then say nothing. Chances her that this flakiness is just what she's like, and you are going to have to learn to accept that in order to continue the relationship. If you think this is a friendship-ending offence, by all means, tell her off about how you asked what you feel is very little of her, and she couldn't even pony up that much. If you do want to keep being her friend but need to say something, ask her what happened. Say something along the lines of, "I was really surprised that you weren't able to check in on my place while I was away. Did something happen?" Be forewarned, however, that her response will put you squarely back in the first two options. Either she's a flake or she's a jerk. Only you can determine what you can live with.

Herbally,

Miss Smartypants

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