Ask Miss Smartypants - June 2008 |
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| Written by Miss Smartypants |
| Sunday, 01 June 2008 19:00 |
Miss Smartypants by Nina Charest
I think I've been adopted. My family is completely insane. I don't fit in, I share none of the same interests, and I look like the blue hyacinth in a sea of yellow tulips (if you get my drift). Do I approach my parents and question them about my concerns? Do I secretly steal a lock of their hair and have a DNA test done? Or do I say nothing and spare their feelings, despite my need to know? I don't want to be a bad daughter or a bad person, but I feel completely alone. Yours truly, Blue Hyacinth Dear Blue,To be honest, I don’t get your drift. You’ve got a mass of curls; your parents have pin straight hair? You have brown eyes; they’ve both got a pair of baby blues? Both of the things I just listed are genetic impossibilities because brown eyes and curly hair rely on dominant genes that couldn’t have been passed on by straight haired, blue eyed folk. You can find these and a whole host of other characteristics here. First off, take a good look at the list, and see what you and your parents have in common. Remember that if they have dominant characteristics and you have recessive ones, they could both be carriers of recessive genes. My sister, who is definitely my blood sister, has straight hair while the rest of us have curls. Both my parents must, therefore, carry recessive genes. There’s a 25% chance it could have been any of us. As for the rest of it, just because you don’t have the same interests or act the same way doesn’t mean you didn’t come from the same gene pool. My dad’s a truck driver, and I have a reputation in my family as one of its worst drivers. We also have the same blood type. I know I’m his daughter, even if we aren’t carbon copies. If you look at the list and discover more reasons to be suspicious instead of less, go to an older family member (grandmother or aunt, perhaps) or family friend that you know you can trust, and ask them if there’s any reason to think that you might not be your parents’ biological child. If they deny it, I say let it drop. If you do pursue it and it turns out that you are adopted, remember this: you have had two sets of parents who loved you; one who loved you enough to give you up when they couldn’t give you the care they knew you deserved, and another who loved you enough to take you in. That’s more love, and luck, than the rest of us get. Take care, Smarts Dear Miss Smartypants I have this friend. He lives several hours away (he's in Toronto; I'm in Ottawa). We share deep fears, intimate desires, secret dreams, hardships and laughter. I love him very much as a friend (although if he were single I’d jump his bones in a heartbeat!). The problem is... he has a girlfriend. I know he's skipped out on her early to come home and talk to me several times. We spend more time together than they do. I love being special in his life, but I’m torn between feeling pleased that he's spending all his time with me and feeling guilty about him not spending more time with his girlfriend. He says things that indicates that there might be trouble in paradise, and I don't know how to take that, either. Am I just a good friend or is he trying to make me a "filler girlfriend"? WHAT DO I DO?? Teen Ottawa Ranting Neurotically Dear Torn,First off, don’t waste your time feeling guilty about the decisions other people make. He wants to avoid his gf? That’s on him. That said, this guy is using you. Yeah, maybe he just sees you as a friend and a shoulder to cry on, but I guarantee that the six-hour drive between you is one of the reasons he’s turning to you instead of another friend closer by. You need to start cutting him loose. He ditches his girl to come home and chat with you? Tell him you’re not impressed and sign out. He starts talking about how there’s trouble in paradise, indicating that he thinks you’re the better option? Call him on it or cut if off. Either way you’ve got to get out from under this guy’s thumb. You are special in this guy’s life: you’re his crutch. You allow him to fantasize about another, better option without having to man up and deal with the problems in his relationship, or end it and find another one. The longer you put up with it, the more likely it is to pull you both down. Smartypants Dear Miss Smartypants, I wanted to write to you about my serious case of writer's block, but I got stuck. Please help, Wordless Worm Dear Not for Long,It’s too bad that you don’t say what you are working on, so that I could tailor my advice. Let’s get generic, shall we? 1. Walk away. Did you just tell me to procrastinate? You bet. Chaining yourself to the keyboard hasn’t gotten whatever it is written, has it? So walk away. And I mean that literally. Get up and walk right out the door. Go for a walk, a meal or a movie. Do something that will get you to stop thinking about it. The trick is, don’t let the distraction drag on. Once the credits roll, get your butt back to your place. 2. Talk it out. Find someone who knows about your topic or, barring that, someone who’s at least curious. Talk out what you need to write about with that person: your topic, your tenets, how long it needs to be, etc. Just getting the conversation going should be enough to get your thoughts going as well. 3. Chart it out. I’ve never been a big believer in outlines, but they’ve come in handy when I want to make sure I don’t leave anything out. Now that you’ve talked about your points, keep track of them. Point form list or flow chart? Go with whatever works for you and what you are writing. 4. Find your system. Create a system of benchmarks and rewards to keep yourself going. When I was in high school, Saturdays were essay writing days. I would get up, take the dog for a walk, and come home to get to work. I wasn’t allowed to shower until I had completed my first draft. Believe me, it’s a motivator. You can choose your own, though. Did you finish X number of pages (X is always greater than one)? Watch half an hour of TV, check your email, or have a snack. Completed your first draft? Get out of there. Go out with friends, or for another walk. 5. Edit. I realize that this may not seem important to you when you haven’t written a word, but it’s important to anyone who will read what you’ve got. Always take time to go back over your work. If you had to force yourself to get through it the first time, it may not be your best work, and you want to make sure you get your point across. Besides, now that you’ve made it through, editing should be a breeze! Good luck, Pants Send your issues, questions and concerns to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , and then check out her answers in the Advice Tab.
© 2008 Miss Smatypants; licensee (Cult)ure Magazine.
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