Ask Miss Smartypants - June 8, 2009 |
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| Written by Miss Smartypants |
| Sunday, 07 June 2009 19:00 |
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One of my colleagues took a sudden leave of absence. I know why Joe went away (it's a family issue), but I don't know how much everyone else knows. People know we talk, so they're coming up to me and asking where he is, what happened, when is he going to come back, what have I heard, etc., etc., etc. I know the answer to some of these questions, but it doesn't feel right discussing it with every Tom, Dick, and Harry that asks. I can't even be sure how much he's told the boss! So what do I do? In the Middle Dear Stuck, When you don't know how much everyone else knows, assume that everyone else knows nothing. So long as there's no reason to worry about Joe in this family situation (is it couples' counselling?), assume that Joe's covered his bases with the appropriate supervisor and HR people and leave it at that. As for what to do when people ask questions, find a neutral phrase - e.g., Joe is away, he's on a break -- and stonewall. You do not owe these people an explanation. If Joe confided in you, you do owe him your confidence. That said, if something more serious is going on, if it's a situation in which Joe could benefit from the support of a few close friends (caring for a loved one's illness?), perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad thing to get everyone to sign a card, pitch in for a gift certificate, or send flowers. You don't even have to admit how much you know if you don't want to. Just say that Joe is going through a tough time right now, and you're sure he'd appreciate knowing how much you all care. Considerate and Closed-mouthed, Smartypants Got problems? Let Miss Smartypants take 'em off your hands by sending them to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
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