Ask Miss Smartypants - March 16, 2009 |
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| Written by Miss Smartypants |
| Sunday, 15 March 2009 19:00 |
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Art: Nina Charest
My sister-in-law is very opinionated and gets defensive, often stonewalling and cutting me off when we have a topic to debate in conversation. How can I foster a more open exchange of ideas with her?
Tongue-tied
Dear Debate Team, I hope not every conversation with your SIL goes like that. Try to look back critically on recent conversations with her and see which topics she is more open to and which get her back up. It could just be that only a certain number of things garner that reaction, and you could avoid the unpleasantness by avoiding those topics altogether. If she's always like this or she gets this way about something you specifically need to talk about, wait until the two of you are alone to bring it up. Then, if she gets defensive or cuts you off, call her on it. Be matter of fact and specific: "When you cut me off like you just did, I feel X," "I think it's really important for us to talk about Y," "I really want to know your opinion on Z." It could be that when you think "debate," she thinks "argument" and wants to shut it down. It could be that she's the kind of person that once she states her opinion, for her the conversation is over. At the end of the day, some people are more inclined toward discussion and debate, and some people prefer to focus on more pleasant topics. If it's an element of her personality, don't expect anything to change no matter what you say. Good luck, Miss Smartypants Keep sending those problems to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
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