Ask Miss Smartypants - March 2, 2009 |
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| Written by Miss Smartypants |
| Sunday, 01 March 2009 19:00 |
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Art: Nina Charest
I've been visiting a local restaurant regularly for the past four years. I met a waiter named "Brad" there, and we have always gotten along great. I had a slight crush on him for the first year or so and, as the years passed, my feelings grew. He has had relationship problems in the past and has stopped dating. He told me how attracted he is to me, but he hates the "dating ritual." So for the past few months, we'd hang out occasionally outside the restaurant. Then, out of nowhere, he told me that he didn't want to date me-he wanted to marry me! I laughed it off, only to find out he had planned an elaborate proposal. I know that I love him, so I said yes. We've never even been on date, but we know almost everything about each other because we've been friends for so long. However, during a recent family outing, I told everyone that we were engaged, and almost everyone was happy for me until they found out that we've never dated. Now they are against it. I still plan to marry him. How should I handle this without getting upset?
Suddenly Engaged
Dear Okay, not quite, Truth: This question was not sent to me. It's the last question in the February 12 edition of "Dear Prudence," Slate's weekly advice column. While she's pretty good, I've never enjoyed Emily Yoffe's advice as much as I did the work of her predecessor, Margo Howard. Responses like the one to this question are the reason why (click and scroll to the end as it's the last question). I bring this up because in the weeks since the column was published, I've yet to see an apology printed. Not only is her advice incredibly dismissive of the service industry (did you know that if you are a waiter, you don't deserve to get married?), but it is wildly, unnecessarily dismissive of the writer. She's known him socially for several years, they started spending time together one-on-one, he proposed, she accepted, and now they're getting married. It's a little unconventional, sure, but it's hardly unheard of for friends to skip a step when they've known each other for so long. Advice columnists get stupid questions from stupid people all the time, and it can be fun to see them take down worthy idiots. This question doesn't follow that pattern. I mention it because I hope that Engaged up there realizes this and looks elsewhere for her advice. Mine would have been: either a) have a long engagement, so everyone can see just how happy and together the two of you are or b) remember that you don't have to prove dick to any of them, and move ahead with your own plans for your own life. In for the save, Miss Smartypants Even if you're not Suddenly Engaged, you can still send your question to Miss Smartypants via This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
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Comments (1)
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Wow, I'm unimpressed by Prudie the obvious prude. She has her notion of how a 'proper' courtship should take place and was indeed very demeaning with her sarcastic "advice". Not everyone finds love in some cookie-cutter fashion and I'm glad you recognize that and respect the range of differences that can exist for how people experience love and/or choose marriage. They clearly call you Miss Smartypants for a reason |
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