Ask Miss Smartypants - September 7, 2009

Art: Nina Charest

I hate cleaning my apartment. I never want to do it and I doubt I do it that well when I do. I know I should, so I do the bare minimum to avoid sliding into Grey Gardens-like squalor. Things never get that bad before I sack up and clean. But I don't want to. Do you have any tips to make chores more palatable?

Not Little Edie

Dear Not Yet,

Dude, I hear ya. Chores can blow me. So can dust (allergies) and bugs (fear) and all the other nasty things that tend to pop up when I don't do my chores. Since you don't mention any problem with cleaning yourself or buying groceries or taking out garbage (you know, those chores that aren't cleaning your apartment), I'm going to assume (hope?) that you don't suffer from depression or another psychological disorder that would prevent you from taking care of your place. It wouldn't hurt to talk to someone just in case. Some people are just lazy/messy; some people work better when surrounded by chaos. You didn't mention housemates, children, or a partner, so I imagine no one else has to suffer because you don't want to get out the broom. That said, some tips:

• De-clutter. The fewer things you have, the fewer things you have to clean. Donate your gently used items to charity and bin the rest. That feels better already, doesn't it?
• Do a massive clean. Maybe it's during a long weekend or maybe it's one area per weekend for a month, but thoroughly clean your apartment. Do one room (e.g. the bathroom) or area (e.g. your closet) at a time so it doesn't feel overwhelming. Just work from one end of the place to the other. You may find it easier to keep the place clean when you remember how much time and effort you put into getting it into that condition.
• Assign tasks for days of the week or month. For example, do one load of laundry every Wednesday or push the Swiffer around every Thursday. Get into the habit of doing chores in short bursts during commercial breaks of your favourite shows, creating an instant reward system and eliminating the excuse that 30 Rock is on.
• Trade chores with a willing friend. Allow me to propose something radical: no one likes chores. At least, no one likes every chore they have to do. Chances are that you have one chore that you hate the most and one that you don't mind as much as the others. Find someone you know who would be willing take on your most hated chore in exchange for you taking on his or her most hated chore. It doesn't seem like what responsible adults should do, but forget that. Friends should help each other out, so why not make someone else's life (and your own) a bit easier?

If all of this seems like more than you can take, take a serious look at your financial situation. Can you afford a maid? So what if it feels bourgeois to hire someone else to clean your kitchen or do your laundry? It's not bourgeois or colonialist or any of that other nonsense to hire someone to do a job that they set out to do. So go ahead and ask around, find a good price, and get someone in there to help you out. If you can't afford regular (or semi-regular) visits, consider hiring a service to help you de-clutter/do the massive clean and start over from there.

Chores are not the worst thing that's ever happened to anyone in America (but they're close),

Miss Smartypants

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