I've already written 1000 words on this picture, so it's a little ridiculous that we find ourselves here again. Ah, well, I have a lot more thoughts and reactions to the movie as a whole, which will now take the form of bullet points as I am all essayed out. This probably goes without saying but, just in case it doesn't, SPOILERS.

• I must be the only person alive who loves Hans Zimmer's score. I love the tribal beat of Bane's theme and the way it goes crashing up against Batman's bombastic horns. I love the sneaky switcheroo when you realize that Bane's theme is like Bane himself -- not at all who you (or even he) thought but something entirely different. Above all, I love that when Bane and Batman come head to head for the first time, there is no score whatsoever. Just bone crunching and breathless anticipation in one of the most knock-down, drag-out fights I have ever seen on screen.
• My best friend's already made remarks to the extent that she is over Christian Bale, but I think he's my mafia: just when I think I'm out, he pulls me back in. It's not just the streaks of grey hair, the hollows under his eyes, or the fact that he is visibly thinner and more fragile than previous incarnations that break my heart to realize that he may have "aged-out" of the role he defined for himself. It's the way his voice softens when he's speaking with Alfred about Rachel. There's not only sorrow in that voice but innocence, like Alfred is a time machine that brings Bruce back to a moment when he was truly himself. It's the way you can tell, even at first blush, that there's no way Bruce/Batman could ever be more interested in Miranda Tate (though Marion Cotillard has never been more luminous) than he is in the Cat/Selina Kyle. It's not just the challenge that thrills him but the possibility of finding a single human being who may also understand.
• Speaking of Anne Hathaway, could she be any more killer in this movie? Sure, her first scene with Bruce when she flips from ingenue to seductress to criminal and right on out that window is gangbusters, but so is the moment in that scene when she hikes her skirt from just under her knee to just over her knee so she can climb (no one would wear those tights or the shoes to cater a party). Her dancing body can go from purring to ready to pounce in nanoseconds, but it's never campy. Above all, she gets to go through Harvey Dent's arc in reverse -- from apathetic to finally having some skin in the game. It was never really a matter of which side she would chose. It was just a question of how long it would take her to get there.
• If it weren't for Joseph Gordon-Levitt, I think I would have fainted right out of my seat when Blake told Bruce he knew Bruce's secret identity 'cause he is also Batman (essentially). Mind you, it highlights the essential difference between them and further makes my point that you have to be a fuckin' weirdo to not become a cop or a prosecutor or the world's most dedicated lobbyist, but it also really smartly sets up the whole structures becoming shackles stuff and the way the movie lets you imagine that Blake just knew Bruce would leave him a little something special in his will. Of course, what I would really like to see is the "Becoming Batman" journal that would go along with it, full of handy tips like Lucius Fox's direct line, the best way to appear out of a shadow, and a guide to better growling.
• Actually, I'm also probably the only person who doesn't hate the Batman growl. On PCHH Glen Weldon posited that the movies could be a solid 10% better if it weren't for that growl, but whatever. He's got to disguise his voice somehow. Maybe Wayne Enterprises should have sunk some money into those Mission: Impossible voice patches.
• For that matter, I don't mind Tom Hardy's lilting based-on-an-Irish-Romani-'cause-he's-that-guy voice either. It took me right out of the movie the first time, I started to groove on it the second go 'round. It's just on border of being too silly, but, when you introduce a voice like that and follow it up with an impossibly menacing* hostile plane takeover, you start to see the character behind it. You see it in Bane's strut. You hear it in lines like, "What a lovely, lovely voice," followed immediately by mass murder and destruction. In fact, when you hear his voice for the first time, it's overwhelming loud - not just coming from behind you but in front of you and below you and in the seat next to you. Unnerving. 
• I don't really get Talia's point -- she hates her dad for disowning her protector but decided to follow through on his plan to destroy Gotham because his murder liberated her from her hate? That's pretty much what she said, I know, but I just don't understand. Why not enjoy the freedom to make your own decisions or reform the League of Shadows or use philanthropy to save the world like you've been pretending to anyway?
• To the nit-pickers who want to know how Bruce gets from the unspecified prison location and back to a secured Gotham in an unspecified amount of time, I say, "Did you not watch Batman Begins?" He spent 7 years figuring out how to get from A to B without any money or notice. I'm sure he had it in the bag.
• How weird is it to see Batman in the daylight, though, right? It's a testament to both how broken the city is yet how accustomed they are to his presence that there are no double takes during that climactic showdown at City Hall. Gotham's just like Bruce in that regard -- they take Batman for granted.
• The song/video that inspired my article title.
  [video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eohHwsplvY 420x315]
  
• Besides the above, I think this is my favourite image that I came across in my research:
  
  

  It was a touch too long and perhaps over-reliant on Michael Caine's moist eyes to carry it through the emotional beats, but it's still a near masterpiece.

  *I was going to say "badass" here but decided against it in part because I think the term is overused, in part because I don't want to associate any positive connotations of the term with the character, and in part because I heard a very convincing argument against the very character of Bane (in that he is a less product of storytelling needs and more of a need in the 80s and 90s for more "badasses" in comics).

There's a new promotional video out for Prometheus. It's a commercial for David, Michael Fassbender's character, who is apparently a robot that you can buy to do the shit you can't get your employees to do. Now, if I were a robot designer, I might make a robot that looks like Michael Fassbender.

Really? Do we need to go through this again? Seems Lionsgate is going all Twilight on The Hunger Games, bringing in a new director for the second installment.

Okay, this was probably always going to piss me off, given my stated preference for Gary Ross (btw, I rewatched Seabiscuit the other day, and it was as great as I remembered it. Plus now I feel like I understand Luck a little better). And, if we're being honest, we all know the reason why: $$$.

So while some are content to speculate about who might assume the chair, I prefer to sit and mourn the squandering of a great director, shake my head at Lionsgate's decision to value money over quality, and question the validity of the argument that another director could have made a movie that hewed closer to the book's violence and gore and still brought it in at PG-13. Think it through.

Good news, guys! As suspected, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter's second trailer, a.k.a. not the teaser trailer, did a much better job at convincing me to see the movie. Even "Are you a patriot or a vampire?" makes sense now! See for yourselves:

At (Cult)ure we're in the business of producing written words, but that doesn't mean that we don't enjoy things like spoken words or words set to music or things that don't have words at all. So each week we'll bring you a small collection of non-written things that we enjoyed.

Best Podcast: Mike & Tom Eat Snacks, "Episode 52"

Mike and Tom have always made a point of not revealing the snack until they actually get around to eating it, so I'm not going to spoil the fun. Nor will I explain who Matty Ice is or what he does to deserve a two-person standing ovation. If these simple facts aren't enough to tempt you, well, laughter is the best medicine for whatever is the matter with you. Click. Listen. Laugh.

At (Cult)ure we're in the business of producing written words, but that doesn't mean that we don't enjoy things like spoken words or words set to music or things that don't have words at all. So each week we'll bring you a small collection of non-written things that we enjoyed.

Best Podcast:  The Sporkful, Call In Smorgasbord: Grizzly Dan and PB and Honey

The fine gentlemen over at The Sporkful were recently invited to judge the granola-off over on Slate's Culture Gabfest, and I've been diving into their back catalogue ever since. Though I nearly gave this spot to the more recent episode, "Chili," it was ultimately the presence of "Sarah from Ottawa" in the Call In Smorgasbord that won out. Sarah has some very, very strong feelings about day-old pop corn. There's an unfortunate, repeated mispronunciation of the French macaron in the call that follows. If only they'd kept the Canadian on the line. 

YouTube just served the Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter trailer up to me, so I took a big bite. Boy, does it make me not want to see a movie that I previously wanted to see.

At (Cult)ure we're in the business of producing written words, but that doesn't mean that we don't enjoy things like spoken words or words set to music or things that don't have words at all. So each week we'll bring you a small collection of non-written things that we enjoyed.

Best Podcast: Q, Daniel Radcliffe

Maybe it's a little obvious to talk about how charming and adorable Daniel Radcliffe is (except that, honestly,  Inside the Actor's Studio is the only other interview of his I have ever seen/heard), but I declare that you have a flinty heart if you don't smile at his aspiration to one day dig up bits of flint in Surrey. 

At (Cult)ure we're in the business of producing written words, but that doesn't mean that we don't enjoy things like spoken words or words set to music or things that don't have words at all. So each week we'll bring you a small collection of non-written things that we enjoyed.

Best Podcast: On Being, "Roseanne Cash"

Maybe I was always predisposed to enjoy a podcast with Roseanne Cash. Hearing her talk about music and the particular angle of her father's back that she knew best were perhaps to be expected, but "mystery" and playing with an interactive table of elements? Now that's good stuff. 

No sooner did we publish the (Cult)ys, our first annual ridiculously specific TV and cinema awards, than all manner of other awards I could have given started to flow freely in my brain. I've decided to call these forgotten awards "outliers"* and post them as they come to me, so they can live in infamy (or just on the internet. One or the other). So, let's kick it off with . . .

Best Shrimping Boat Redemption of a Previously Thought Un-redeemable Character
Sonny (Michiel Huisman), Treme

Over the course of the first season of Treme, it was made clear that every character, no matter how horrible s/he seemed, had redeeming qualities. Everyone, that is, except Sonny. Sonny was a not-particularly talented musician/drug addict who cheated on and hit his girlfriend. If he had died between seasons, I doubt he would be have been missed. When Season 2 began, Sonny may not have had a girlfriend anymore, but he still had a drug and attitude problem. He was either in constant danger of being kicked out of Antoine's (Wendell Pierce) band (his one and only source of income) or actually kicked out of it. So imagine our surprise when one of Sonny's fellow bandmates (Cornell Williams) sized Sonny up, pronounced that he was "in no danger of becoming no great musician," and took him out to the coast to put him to work on a shrimping boat. I don't know if it was the hard work, the sea air, or getting clean that did it, but, by the end of the season, Sonny was not only doing better work with the band, he was dating a nice girl who's father runs a shrimp company. Oddly enough, now I want to see if those two kids can work it out. 

An actual email conversation between Emily and me.

Emily: What is happening here? http://popwatch.ew.com/2012/01/04/twilight-the-musical-its-happening/

Me: As a one-night-only charity event, I’m okay. As an actual idea, I am  . . . what would even happen? Loads of creaky ballads from Bella about her luv, Edward would start out singing a ballad (or a German art song) and start screeching heavy metal (bi-polar), and Jacob would randomly pop up to wail on his axe. Actually, that sounds kind of cool.

In last night's Season 2 finale of Boardwalk Empire, Nucky Thompson (Steve Buscemi) finally put paid to the paradox Jimmy Darmody (Michael Pitt) laid out in way, way back in the pilot: "You can't be half a gangster." He did this in two ways, one big, one small, both with devestating consequences.

1. Nucky married Margaret (Kelly MacDonald). When the season opened, Emily and I wondered why Nucky and Margaret weren't already married, given that there's nothing really standing in their way. The season tried to build up a credible reason in that Margaret just isn't that happy with Nucky but smashed it all to bits by having Margaret regress (or worse, develop a new personality) to a superstitious simp when faced with her daughter's illness. (And did anyone else get shades of Margaret's conversation with the Temperance League lady re: Nucky when Margaret had a private chat with Esther Randolph)? But this isn't a post about Margaret, so I digress. Nucky wanted to marry Margaret, yes, but the specific timing of their nuptials was designed to keep her off the witness stand, and they both knew it. 

2. Nucky kills Jimmy. A ballsy move for the show to kill off a main character, especially one seemingly central to nearly every plot. Sure, Jimmy spends the episode acting like a man who knows he's going to his grave (his desire to put everything to rights didn't read so much as turning over a new leaf as it did "one last thing before I go"), but it's still a shock to have him show up unarmed for Nucky, Nucky of all the people assembled, to put two bullets in Jimmy's head. It's a "holy fuck" moment that stands to paid off rich dramatic dividends now that Nucky has put down his last tie to, and hope for, a non (or half) gangster life.

CHAIR! So close, and yet so far. Yup, that's about what I got out to last night's Gossip Girl, "Riding in Town Cars with Boys." Otherwise, Nate and Serena make the same plan they always make, only Dan's in this time; Ivy finally finds a reason to get out of Dodge already; and Rufus continues to be Goofus to the nth degree. Let's go over the highlights!

All you need is one

Apparently, all you need to become a super-successful newsman in NYC and the Vanderbilt’s last, great hope to lead the family is one editorial. At least that's what Nate's latest plot has taught me. Grandfather's ousted the still delicious Tripp from the position of crown prince thanks to an editorial (seriously. Because the paper isn't a daily or anything, so you only need to write one total editorial). So Tripp tattles to Nate that he isn't exactly the super-successful newsman he thinks he is, what with the Grandfather underwriting everything and putting Diana up to it. Nate is pissed, but then he forgets to be pissed because he's off to some wondrous high business/high debauchery retreat with Grandfather by the end of the episode. Also, somehow Max figures into Tripp's plans. Highlights: Toss up between Chuck telling Nate he was almost aroused by the one total editorial or the reverent look on Chuck's face when he repeats the name of the retreat (Allen Camp?). I started to wonder by boy-billionaire Bass hadn't already gotten his invite, then shuddered at the memory of the sex Narnia/Elle debacle. Except for one small part: CARTER BAIZEN! Oh, come back, I miss your pouty mouth.

Team Canada has been AMAZING in the preliminaries for the FIRST EVER Roller Derby World Cup, winning all three games (against France, Sweden, and Brazil) to be seeded second (2nd!). You can find the schedule here (hopefully updated soon), and you can stream it live on Derby News Network here.

Fun fact: Two Rideau Valley Roller Girls (aka Ottawa's number 1 competitive flat track league) are on Team Canada: Soul Rekker (#55) and Semi Precious (#10).

Lauren's already kicked it off in the comments on the latest Mayfair chat, but, since it's December 1st and therefore the day I officially start listening to Christmas music of my own accord,* let's take a minute to share a couple of faves, shall we?

Now, if there's one thing you noticed in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1, wait . . . if there's one thing you noticed besides headboard breaking, Tebowing, and Edward cutting his child out of his wife's womb with his own teeth, it was that vampire Bella had one helluva blow out, right? She goes from beaten, malnourished famine victim to stunning beauty in three short days.

Well, now it's your turn, and you don't even have to get bitten (unless you're into that). Pro Beauty Tools has a line of Twilight styling tools, including the SPARKLE CERAMIC IONIC HAIRDRYER. I can only assume it's infused with vampire venom to give your hair the lustrous glow of a 1000 hot oil treatments. If I had straight hair, I would buy one of these so hard. I would take it to the pool with me, so everyone could see how sparkly I truly am.

I'm still holding out for Vampire Venom SPARKLE Body Mist, though. For all my glitter opportunities.

Last night’s Gossip Girl, “Rhodes to Perdition,” didn’t follow up on the end of “All the Pretty Sources” even a little bit. You know, when Blair showed up at Empire and asked without really asking if Chuck was good all along, and Ed Westwick’s exquisitely expressive face did something magnificent and heartbreaking, for such is its way, and . . . and . . . Nothing. Who knows? Chuck nodded and Blair left? They had sex on top of Dan, and thus his dreams became reality? They ate bacon scones? WHO KNOWS?!

You might have thought that there was a whole other episode on last night, one about Rhodes Women and Gossip Girl called them “Rhodes Girls” because she is an idiot and doesn’t get that being a woman is kind of the point, but since there is no longer even the remotest hint of character continuity on this show, I’m almost at the point of giving up. I know I won’t, but I just want you to know that I thought about it, show. And you know what else I thought? Dair is a distraction.

I’m not much of a ‘shipper either way, but over the course of this season I’ve been coming around to the “Dan and Blair belong together” side of thinking. It’s not that I spontaneously like Dan (although there was a point when he was sitting on the stoop with Alessandra when I thought he was looking good) but rather that I could see them as a harmonious balance rather than the chaos left in Chair’s wake.

Oh, you guys. I know we're all in a tizzy to attend the nuptials of those two crazy kids (using the term loosely, of course), so I bet you're wondering what to get the couple who has everything (or can afford to buy it). The answer, I don't mind tell you, is a 10 piece dinner set for two for $160. I've been to enough weddings to know that people really do register for pricey place settings like this (whereas I prefer some good old fashioned shatter resistant Corelle), so I'm not going to quibble over the price. I can't tell if my favourite part is the suggestion that this is a great "gift-idea" or the fact that the copy editor thinks "gift idea" is a hyphenate.

Despite rocking all over the place the week prior, Alaric is nowhere to be seen in last week’s The Vampire Diaries, “The Reckoning.” I guess he needed to recharge the AWESOME before dropping it on us again (next time!). In the meantime, Caroline’s obsession with doing normal, fun, teenage things ends disastrously (yet again) for pretty much everyone involved: Matt, Elena, Tyler, Bonnie, Stefan, and Klaus and Rebekah to a certain extent. Even Damon gets his feelings hurt. Things go slightly better for Katherine, but it’s really only a matter of time.

Mystic Falls is Afraid of Locks

So Matt is working out at high school by himself at night. I'm pretty sure you can't just bust into the weight room like that. To the point where we needed supervision just to use it during normal school hours at my high school. But we all know the townsfolk of Mystic Falls don’t stand on little things like legal liability. A shadow runs by, and Matt runs after it because he is so sad that even ghost friends seem like a good company to him. Instead, he finds Tyler, Caroline, Bonnie, and Elena setting up mousetraps all over the floor in an empty classroom because . . . it’s senior prank night. And none of his alive (or undead, in Caroline’s case) friends invited him. Thanks, guys? And you wonder why Matt is so lonely that he WANTS to be friends with a ghost. Outside of Casper, of course. We all want to be friends with Casper, right? Devon Sawa was so cute back then!

Here's something: I discovered/realized that I never posted or even wrote a recap for The Vampire Diaries' Season 2 finale, "As I Lay Dying," but I did keep my notes. I type them while I watch, as my viewing companions can attest. With the exception of correcting a typo or two, I've decided to post them for you in full, so you can use them as a quick reminder before Season 3 kicks off tonight. Also because I'm hardly going to write a full recap at this late date. 

• A full minute of previouslies!
• Elena watches Jer sleep . . . I guess she's just checking on him, but it's weird. Mostly because of the artful streaming light.
• Damon shows up teary-eyed to apologize. Elena needs time and maybe a lot of it before she'll be ready. "Sure, of course. Take all the time you need."
• Damon enjoys an old bottle o'booze he's clearly been saving and pulls off his ring front of a window.
• Stefan jumps him hard core!
• And tosses him in the cellar of self-pity!
• Always the hero, Stefan. Just tell me goodbye and get it over with.
• Klaus wakes up naked in the woods and says to his brother, "That was amazing." While his brother casually rains down clothes.
• He was a wolf a full two days.
• Klaus won't give up the info.
• Alaric is wicked drunk at the Grill when Stefan calls him about Damon: What do you need? AW.
• Caroline insists that they persevere at a outside screening of Gone With the Wind.
• Stefan and Bonnie hold a seance, and Bonnie starts channeling Emily.
• That's not balance; that's punishment.
• The bitches of eastwick give Bonnie stabbing pains because they think she's abusing her powers, but she manages to catch one word: Klaus.
• Of course it is. Fucking Klaus.
• Lady Mayor shows up making demands of Sheriff to deal with the town's vampire problems, as she is not keeping the town safe. Dun!
• Look who couldn't resist an epic romance.
• Stefan gives Elena the truth about Damon, so she can make it right/accept his apologies.
• Damon's hallucinating back to his Katherine days, and Elena shows up to point out that Katherine was only ever using him.
• Stefan starts with Alaric's, which is indeed still infested with Katherine and Klaus. Too bad Klaus just stabbed him with a silver blade. And now he's got Stef up against a post. Hmm.
• Stake to Stefan's stomach! Even tortured, Stefan thinks of his brother: just give me the cure, and I'll do whatever you want.
• You are just shy of useless.
• My subconscious is haunting me, Ric.
• Alaric doesn't blame Damon for Jenna.
• Give me your glass. Neither one of us is drunk enough for this conversation.
• Kill me, please.
• Screw you.
• Elena arrives, but the Sheriff is there to cause trouble with her deputies.
• Sheriff locks Alaric in the blood closet then busts into the self-pity cellar. Man, she doesn't even remember her tenure there!
• You keep doing this! You left me behind before, and Jenna still died.
• Oh, dear, Stefan's reputation as a bloodcoholic and ripper has proceeded him.
• Oh, shit, it's Klaus's blood that's the cure, and he only wants to deal with the ripper.
• Damon's trippin' balls at the Gone with the Wind screening. It's taking him back.
• Elena's stuck in the Sheriff's office.
• Jer brings Damon to the Grill, where the Sheriff shows up to shoot him. Too bad Damon dodges, and Jer takes the wooden bullet. Caroline and Bonnie break in, and Caroline feeds Jer her blood, but it might be too late. Good fucking job, Sheriff.
• Alaric's here now, too.
• Bonnie seems to think she can save him, so Alaric carries him away.
• Brave little toaster throws a chair through the office window and busts on out of there.
• That's too bad. You would have made a helluva wing man.
• Klaus will give Stefan his blood in exchange for a decade long bender. You do everything I say and I save your brother, that's the deal.
• Stefan shotguns a blood bag, and then another. He makes some hilariously angry faces while he's at it. Hee.
• Bonnie brings Jer the witches, but they don't want to help Bonnie. There will be consequences.
• He's just a kid, tell them to shut up.
• Finally, Bonnie begs for Emily's help. She loves Jer.
• All the fire goes dead, and Bonnie cries in the darkness, but Jer comes to.
• Atlanta is burning when Elena finds Damon.
• He gets all confused with drinking Katherine's blood to turn and bites into Elena. It's super creepy, with Elena saying things like no and stop and you don't have to do this and you're hurting me. After a few sips, though, he figures out that it's Elena and stops, collapsing.
• Caroline gets the call that Jer's alive. Sheriff thought she killed him. You did.
• Caroline tells Sheriff about the time she compelled her. Finally, they hug and cry.
• Jer and Bonnie have a very sweet talk, and Alaric shows up to maybe stay and mock him for good.
• Damon's taken to his sick bed and into Elena's arms.
• All those years I blamed Stefan. No one forced me to love her. It was my own choice. I made the wrong choice. Tell Stefan I'm sorry, okay?
• Stefan is mad drunk, you guys. He's on a bender something fierce.
• Klaus compels Katherine to take the blood over, but we all know Katherine's on vervain. Stefan mumbles a no, but it's too late. Katherine's gone.
• Damon thinks he deserves to die, but Elena doesn't. She forgives him.
• Damon finally tells Elena that he loves her.
• You should have met me in 1864. You would have liked me.
• I like you now, just the way you are. And she kisses him just once: goodbye.
• Katherine does show up, as she owed Damon.
• Stefan, on the other hand, gave himself over to Klaus.
• Oh, it's okay to love them both? I did.
• STFU, Katherine! You make no sense!
• Klaus knew Katherine was on vervain, and now he wants Stefan to help track her down.
• "What is it you really want from me?" "All will be explained in time."
• Klaus brings in another teen and gets her started. Wow, that sounds gross. Stefan finishes her while the world shakes. His eyes glows a scary blue when he drops the body.
• Jer wakes up 'cause there's some weird mystical shit afoot. Weird mystical shit like Vicki and Anna chillin' in his kitchen.
• Next time: there is no next time! Not for months!