Home Blog

(Cult)ure

A short description about your blog
Feb 03
2012

Best of the Week: January 30 - February 3, 2012

Posted by April in the horrible crowes , the gaslight anthem , the adorable daniel radcliffe , russia! , flinty , crows are wicked smart , brian fallon ftw , best ever

Probably the best ambient campaign everAt (Cult)ure we're in the business of producing written words, but that doesn't mean that we don't enjoy things like spoken words or words set to music or things that don't have words at all. So each week we'll bring you a small collection of non-written things that we enjoyed.

Best Podcast: Q, Daniel Radcliffe

Maybe it's a little obvious to talk about how charming and adorable Daniel Radcliffe is (except that, honestly,  Inside the Actor's Studio is the only other interview of his I have ever seen/heard), but I declare that you have a flinty heart if you don't smile at his aspiration to one day dig up bits of flint in Surrey. 

Jan 13
2012

Best of the Week: January 9-13, 2011

Posted by April in yes I watch hart of dixie , video , tv , the lumineers , roseanne cash , podcast , non-written words , musicians , music , jakob dylan , high maintenace bitch is my middle name , googling google breaks the internet , books , best ever

photo by bochallaAt (Cult)ure we're in the business of producing written words, but that doesn't mean that we don't enjoy things like spoken words or words set to music or things that don't have words at all. So each week we'll bring you a small collection of non-written things that we enjoyed.

Best Podcast: On Being, "Roseanne Cash"

Maybe I was always predisposed to enjoy a podcast with Roseanne Cash. Hearing her talk about music and the particular angle of her father's back that she knew best were perhaps to be expected, but "mystery" and playing with an interactive table of elements? Now that's good stuff. 

Jan 06
2012

2011 (Cult)y TV Outliers: Treme's Sonny

Posted by April in tv , shrimp boat saviour , outliers , it's one or the other , in the mag , cinema , awards , (cult)ys

No sooner did we publish the (Cult)ys, our first annual ridiculously specific TV and cinema awards, than all manner of other awards I could have given started to flow freely in my brain. I've decided to call these forgotten awards "outliers"* and post them as they come to me, so they can live in infamy (or just on the internet. One or the other). So, let's kick it off with . . .

It's Sonny!Best Shrimping Boat Redemption of a Previously Thought Un-redeemable Character
Sonny (Michiel Huisman), Treme

Over the course of the first season of Treme, it was made clear that every character, no matter how horrible s/he seemed, had redeeming qualities. Everyone, that is, except Sonny. Sonny was a not-particularly talented musician/drug addict who cheated on and hit his girlfriend. If he had died between seasons, I doubt he would be have been missed. When Season 2 began, Sonny may not have had a girlfriend anymore, but he still had a drug and attitude problem. He was either in constant danger of being kicked out of Antoine's (Wendell Pierce) band (his one and only source of income) or actually kicked out of it. So imagine our surprise when one of Sonny's fellow bandmates (Cornell Williams) sized Sonny up, pronounced that he was "in no danger of becoming no great musician," and took him out to the coast to put him to work on a shrimping boat. I don't know if it was the hard work, the sea air, or getting clean that did it, but, by the end of the season, Sonny was not only doing better work with the band, he was dating a nice girl who's father runs a shrimp company. Oddly enough, now I want to see if those two kids can work it out. 

Jan 05
2012

Turns out I can talk myself into pretty much anything Twilight

Posted by April in werewolves , wailing on my axe , vampires , twilight , off to write that hit single alone in my principle , musical , german art song

VampsAn actual email conversation between Emily and me.

Emily: What is happening here? http://popwatch.ew.com/2012/01/04/twilight-the-musical-its-happening/

Me: As a one-night-only charity event, I’m okay. As an actual idea, I am  . . . what would even happen? Loads of creaky ballads from Bella about her luv, Edward would start out singing a ballad (or a German art song) and start screeching heavy metal (bi-polar), and Jacob would randomly pop up to wail on his axe. Actually, that sounds kind of cool.

Dec 12
2011

Boardwalk Empire Just Painted Itself into a Corner

Posted by April in paradox , half-face , good luck getting out of this one , boardwalk empire

This man does more with half a face . . . In last night's Season 2 finale of Boardwalk Empire, Nucky Thompson (Steve Buscemi) finally put paid to the paradox Jimmy Darmody (Michael Pitt) laid out in way, way back in the pilot: "You can't be half a gangster." He did this in two ways, one big, one small, both with devestating consequences.

1. Nucky married Margaret (Kelly MacDonald). When the season opened, Emily and I wondered why Nucky and Margaret weren't already married, given that there's nothing really standing in their way. The season tried to build up a credible reason in that Margaret just isn't that happy with Nucky but smashed it all to bits by having Margaret regress (or worse, develop a new personality) to a superstitious simp when faced with her daughter's illness. (And did anyone else get shades of Margaret's conversation with the Temperance League lady re: Nucky when Margaret had a private chat with Esther Randolph)? But this isn't a post about Margaret, so I digress. Nucky wanted to marry Margaret, yes, but the specific timing of their nuptials was designed to keep her off the witness stand, and they both knew it. 

2. Nucky kills Jimmy. A ballsy move for the show to kill off a main character, especially one seemingly central to nearly every plot. Sure, Jimmy spends the episode acting like a man who knows he's going to his grave (his desire to put everything to rights didn't read so much as turning over a new leaf as it did "one last thing before I go"), but it's still a shock to have him show up unarmed for Nucky, Nucky of all the people assembled, to put two bullets in Jimmy's head. It's a "holy fuck" moment that stands to paid off rich dramatic dividends now that Nucky has put down his last tie to, and hope for, a non (or half) gangster life.

Dec 06
2011

Gossip Girl's Sorry, But Her Love For You is Unconditional

Posted by April in tv , the danning , recap , one of these days I will stop yelling about Carter , one editorial away from fame and fortune , gossip girl , gold is the new white , debs do it better

PHOTO CREDIT: GIOVANNI RUFINO/THE CW © 2011 THE CW Network, LLC.CHAIR! So close, and yet so far. Yup, that's about what I got out to last night's Gossip Girl, "Riding in Town Cars with Boys." Otherwise, Nate and Serena make the same plan they always make, only Dan's in this time; Ivy finally finds a reason to get out of Dodge already; and Rufus continues to be Goofus to the nth degree. Let's go over the highlights!

All you need is one

Apparently, all you need to become a super-successful newsman in NYC and the Vanderbilt’s last, great hope to lead the family is one editorial. At least that's what Nate's latest plot has taught me. Grandfather's ousted the still delicious Tripp from the position of crown prince thanks to an editorial (seriously. Because the paper isn't a daily or anything, so you only need to write one total editorial). So Tripp tattles to Nate that he isn't exactly the super-successful newsman he thinks he is, what with the Grandfather underwriting everything and putting Diana up to it. Nate is pissed, but then he forgets to be pissed because he's off to some wondrous high business/high debauchery retreat with Grandfather by the end of the episode. Also, somehow Max figures into Tripp's plans. Highlights: Toss up between Chuck telling Nate he was almost aroused by the one total editorial or the reverent look on Chuck's face when he repeats the name of the retreat (Allen Camp?). I started to wonder by boy-billionaire Bass hadn't already gotten his invite, then shuddered at the memory of the sex Narnia/Elle debacle. Except for one small part: CARTER BAIZEN! Oh, come back, I miss your pouty mouth.

Dec 02
2011

Weekend Streaming: Roller Derby World Cup!

Posted by April in weekend streaming , we're number 2 , sports , rvrg , roller derby , ottawa

Team Canada logoTeam Canada has been AMAZING in the preliminaries for the FIRST EVER Roller Derby World Cup, winning all three games (against France, Sweden, and Brazil) to be seeded second (2nd!). You can find the schedule here (hopefully updated soon), and you can stream it live on Derby News Network here.

Fun fact: Two Rideau Valley Roller Girls (aka Ottawa's number 1 competitive flat track league) are on Team Canada: Soul Rekker (#55) and Semi Precious (#10).

Dec 01
2011

Merry Christmas Music!

Posted by April in music , muppets , mayfair , in the mag , christmas

Lauren's already kicked it off in the comments on the latest Mayfair chat, but, since it's December 1st and therefore the day I officially start listening to Christmas music of my own accord,* let's take a minute to share a couple of faves, shall we?

Nov 30
2011

Get Bella's vampire blow out for only $29.99!

Posted by April in twilight , time to sparkle , products , hair , glitter opportunities

SPARKLE hairdryer!Now, if there's one thing you noticed in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1, wait . . . if there's one thing you noticed besides headboard breaking, Tebowing, and Edward cutting his child out of his wife's womb with his own teeth, it was that vampire Bella had one helluva blow out, right? She goes from beaten, malnourished famine victim to stunning beauty in three short days.

Well, now it's your turn, and you don't even have to get bitten (unless you're into that). Pro Beauty Tools has a line of Twilight styling tools, including the SPARKLE CERAMIC IONIC HAIRDRYER. I can only assume it's infused with vampire venom to give your hair the lustrous glow of a 1000 hot oil treatments. If I had straight hair, I would buy one of these so hard. I would take it to the pool with me, so everyone could see how sparkly I truly am.

I'm still holding out for Vampire Venom SPARKLE Body Mist, though. For all my glitter opportunities.

Nov 29
2011

Gossip Girl: Dair is a Distraction

Posted by April in the danning , not a shipper , gossip girl , fashion , chuck's dresser is my hero

PHOTO CREDIT: GIOVANNI RUFINO/©2011 The CW NetworkLast night’s Gossip Girl, “Rhodes to Perdition,” didn’t follow up on the end of “All the Pretty Sources” even a little bit. You know, when Blair showed up at Empire and asked without really asking if Chuck was good all along, and Ed Westwick’s exquisitely expressive face did something magnificent and heartbreaking, for such is its way, and . . . and . . . Nothing. Who knows? Chuck nodded and Blair left? They had sex on top of Dan, and thus his dreams became reality? They ate bacon scones? WHO KNOWS?!

You might have thought that there was a whole other episode on last night, one about Rhodes Women and Gossip Girl called them “Rhodes Girls” because she is an idiot and doesn’t get that being a woman is kind of the point, but since there is no longer even the remotest hint of character continuity on this show, I’m almost at the point of giving up. I know I won’t, but I just want you to know that I thought about it, show. And you know what else I thought? Dair is a distraction.

I’m not much of a ‘shipper either way, but over the course of this season I’ve been coming around to the “Dan and Blair belong together” side of thinking. It’s not that I spontaneously like Dan (although there was a point when he was sitting on the stoop with Alessandra when I thought he was looking good) but rather that I could see them as a harmonious balance rather than the chaos left in Chair’s wake.

Nov 18
2011

Got $160? Better get Bella and Edward's place setting.

Posted by April in vampires , twilight , good grammar costs nothing , food , but vampires don't eat off plates

Dinner time!Oh, you guys. I know we're all in a tizzy to attend the nuptials of those two crazy kids (using the term loosely, of course), so I bet you're wondering what to get the couple who has everything (or can afford to buy it). The answer, I don't mind tell you, is a 10 piece dinner set for two for $160. I've been to enough weddings to know that people really do register for pricey place settings like this (whereas I prefer some good old fashioned shatter resistant Corelle), so I'm not going to quibble over the price. I can't tell if my favourite part is the suggestion that this is a great "gift-idea" or the fact that the copy editor thinks "gift idea" is a hyphenate.

Oct 19
2011

The Vampire Diaries: Leverage

Posted by April in witches , werewolves , vampires , vampire diaries , tv , recap , hybrids , ghosts , casper is everyone's buddy

Photo: Quantrell D. Colbert/The CW ©2011 The CW NetworkDespite rocking all over the place the week prior, Alaric is nowhere to be seen in last week’s The Vampire Diaries, “The Reckoning.” I guess he needed to recharge the AWESOME before dropping it on us again (next time!). In the meantime, Caroline’s obsession with doing normal, fun, teenage things ends disastrously (yet again) for pretty much everyone involved: Matt, Elena, Tyler, Bonnie, Stefan, and Klaus and Rebekah to a certain extent. Even Damon gets his feelings hurt. Things go slightly better for Katherine, but it’s really only a matter of time.

Mystic Falls is Afraid of Locks

So Matt is working out at high school by himself at night. I'm pretty sure you can't just bust into the weight room like that. To the point where we needed supervision just to use it during normal school hours at my high school. But we all know the townsfolk of Mystic Falls don’t stand on little things like legal liability. A shadow runs by, and Matt runs after it because he is so sad that even ghost friends seem like a good company to him. Instead, he finds Tyler, Caroline, Bonnie, and Elena setting up mousetraps all over the floor in an empty classroom because . . . it’s senior prank night. And none of his alive (or undead, in Caroline’s case) friends invited him. Thanks, guys? And you wonder why Matt is so lonely that he WANTS to be friends with a ghost. Outside of Casper, of course. We all want to be friends with Casper, right? Devon Sawa was so cute back then!

Sep 15
2011

Vampire Diaries: Just a little S2 reminder before S3 starts tonight!

Posted by April in witches , werewolves , vampire diaries , tv , recap , fucking klaus , brave little toaster , bitches of eastwick , better late than never?

Photo: Bob Mahoney/The CW ©2011 The CW Network, LLCHere's something: I discovered/realized that I never posted or even wrote a recap for The Vampire Diaries' Season 2 finale, "As I Lay Dying," but I did keep my notes. I type them while I watch, as my viewing companions can attest. With the exception of correcting a typo or two, I've decided to post them for you in full, so you can use them as a quick reminder before Season 3 kicks off tonight. Also because I'm hardly going to write a full recap at this late date. 

  • A full minute of previouslies!
  • Elena watches Jer sleep . . . I guess she's just checking on him, but it's weird. Mostly because of the artful streaming light.
  • Damon shows up teary-eyed to apologize. Elena needs time and maybe a lot of it before she'll be ready. "Sure, of course. Take all the time you need."
  • Damon enjoys an old bottle o'booze he's clearly been saving and pulls off his ring front of a window.
  • Stefan jumps him hard core!
  • And tosses him in the cellar of self-pity!
  • Always the hero, Stefan. Just tell me goodbye and get it over with.
  • Klaus wakes up naked in the woods and says to his brother, "That was amazing." While his brother casually rains down clothes.
  • He was a wolf a full two days.
  • Klaus won't give up the info.
  • Alaric is wicked drunk at the Grill when Stefan calls him about Damon: What do you need? AW.
  • Caroline insists that they persevere at a outside screening of Gone With the Wind.
  • Stefan and Bonnie hold a seance, and Bonnie starts channeling Emily.
  • That's not balance; that's punishment.
  • The bitches of eastwick give Bonnie stabbing pains because they think she's abusing her powers, but she manages to catch one word: Klaus.
  • Of course it is. Fucking Klaus.
  • Lady Mayor shows up making demands of Sheriff to deal with the town's vampire problems, as she is not keeping the town safe. Dun!
  • Look who couldn't resist an epic romance.
  • Stefan gives Elena the truth about Damon, so she can make it right/accept his apologies.
  • Damon's hallucinating back to his Katherine days, and Elena shows up to point out that Katherine was only ever using him.
  • Stefan starts with Alaric's, which is indeed still infested with Katherine and Klaus. Too bad Klaus just stabbed him with a silver blade. And now he's got Stef up against a post. Hmm.
  • Stake to Stefan's stomach! Even tortured, Stefan thinks of his brother: just give me the cure, and I'll do whatever you want.
  • You are just shy of useless.
  • My subconscious is haunting me, Ric.
  • Alaric doesn't blame Damon for Jenna.
  • Give me your glass. Neither one of us is drunk enough for this conversation.
  • Kill me, please.
  • Screw you.
  • Elena arrives, but the Sheriff is there to cause trouble with her deputies.
  • Sheriff locks Alaric in the blood closet then busts into the self-pity cellar. Man, she doesn't even remember her tenure there!
  • You keep doing this! You left me behind before, and Jenna still died.
  • Oh, dear, Stefan's reputation as a bloodcoholic and ripper has proceeded him.
  • Oh, shit, it's Klaus's blood that's the cure, and he only wants to deal with the ripper.
  • Damon's trippin' balls at the Gone with the Wind screening. It's taking him back.
  • Elena's stuck in the Sheriff's office.
  • Jer brings Damon to the Grill, where the Sheriff shows up to shoot him. Too bad Damon dodges, and Jer takes the wooden bullet. Caroline and Bonnie break in, and Caroline feeds Jer her blood, but it might be too late. Good fucking job, Sheriff.
  • Alaric's here now, too.
  • Bonnie seems to think she can save him, so Alaric carries him away.
  • Brave little toaster throws a chair through the office window and busts on out of there.
  • That's too bad. You would have made a helluva wing man.
  • Klaus will give Stefan his blood in exchange for a decade long bender. You do everything I say and I save your brother, that's the deal.
  • Stefan shotguns a blood bag, and then another. He makes some hilariously angry faces while he's at it. Hee.
  • Bonnie brings Jer the witches, but they don't want to help Bonnie. There will be consequences.
  • He's just a kid, tell them to shut up.
  • Finally, Bonnie begs for Emily's help. She loves Jer.
  • All the fire goes dead, and Bonnie cries in the darkness, but Jer comes to.
  • Atlanta is burning when Elena finds Damon.
  • He gets all confused with drinking Katherine's blood to turn and bites into Elena. It's super creepy, with Elena saying things like no and stop and you don't have to do this and you're hurting me. After a few sips, though, he figures out that it's Elena and stops, collapsing.
  • Caroline gets the call that Jer's alive. Sheriff thought she killed him. You did.
  • Caroline tells Sheriff about the time she compelled her. Finally, they hug and cry.
  • Jer and Bonnie have a very sweet talk, and Alaric shows up to maybe stay and mock him for good.
  • Damon's taken to his sick bed and into Elena's arms.
  • All those years I blamed Stefan. No one forced me to love her. It was my own choice. I made the wrong choice. Tell Stefan I'm sorry, okay?
  • Stefan is mad drunk, you guys. He's on a bender something fierce.
  • Klaus compels Katherine to take the blood over, but we all know Katherine's on vervain. Stefan mumbles a no, but it's too late. Katherine's gone.
  • Damon thinks he deserves to die, but Elena doesn't. She forgives him.
  • Damon finally tells Elena that he loves her.
  • You should have met me in 1864. You would have liked me.
  • I like you now, just the way you are. And she kisses him just once: goodbye.
  • Katherine does show up, as she owed Damon.
  • Stefan, on the other hand, gave himself over to Klaus.
  • Oh, it's okay to love them both? I did.
  • STFU, Katherine! You make no sense!
  • Klaus knew Katherine was on vervain, and now he wants Stefan to help track her down.
  • "What is it you really want from me?" "All will be explained in time."
  • Klaus brings in another teen and gets her started. Wow, that sounds gross. Stefan finishes her while the world shakes. His eyes glows a scary blue when he drops the body.
  • Jer wakes up 'cause there's some weird mystical shit afoot. Weird mystical shit like Vicki and Anna chillin' in his kitchen.
  • Next time: there is no next time! Not for months!
Aug 17
2011

True Blood: Resurrection FAIL

Posted by April in witches , whedon-verse , werewolves , vampires , tv , true blood , recap , continuity? , bitches of eastwick

Martonia be CRAZYI’d share with the extent of my disappointment with the last couple episodes of True Blood, but, since my 32 day-old computer died, I can’t really. Suffice it to say that I put a hell of lot of effort into “I Wish I Was The Moon” and none into “Cold Grey Light of Dawn” since it was largely about people feeling their feelings. Last night’s episode, “Spellbound,” got a bit more into the action, though some of it still felt  like wheel-spinning and contrivance for contrivance’s sake. Still, Hot Bill, Eric and Sookie getting stoned, and Martonia getting a pet aren’t so bad. Lafayette getting possessed and thus further drawn into that damnable baby plotline? Not so much. Where’s Jesus when you need him?

Silver is Not like a Band-Aid

Jessica’s all ready to bust open the doors and die very slowly and painfully out in the sun (remember, the younger a vamp is, the slower s/he burns). Fortunately, Jason’s there to jump her, boot the doors shut, and wrap darling Jessica in Bill’s zebra rug. Heh. Bill’s redecoration has not gotten old for me. Did he hire someone? I mean, surely to do all the work, but did he hire someone to help him with the colour palette and all that? My favourite thing about Bill is what Bill gets up to when we’re not looking, e.g., buying a Wii and Fresca, and that hasn’t changed over four seasons. It’s just icing that Bill is hot all the time now.

Jul 25
2011

True Blood: Am I Evil?

Posted by April in wtfs? , witches , werewolves , vampires , vampire associates is the new friends , tv , true blood , the ghost of your granny has some dating advice , oh my gravy , let vampires be vampires , business time

That's my kind of show Last night’s True Blood, “Me and the Devil,” was another week of not much going on, but a lot of pieces were moved into place for things to go batshit in the weeks to come. For now we’re treated to some heavy philosophy, bouncing from religious freedom to heaven and hell to the nature of evil. Spectral Godric makes a very bad appearance, Adele makes a very good one from the Great Beyond, Lettie Mae resurfaces, King Bill’s life gets a little worse, Jason’s life gets a little better, and Tommy becomes a skinwalker. Best part? Not a single second in Horrible Hot Shot.

What about War and Self-Defence?

Joe-Lee’s still got that chain around Tommy’s neck at the top of the hour, and Melinda is running around alternating yelling at Joe-Lee not to kill Tommy and Tommy to be nicer to his dad. Melinda has gone from being tragic victim of violence to full-on crazy lady for me. Kill ‘em both, Tommy. And he does! Hurray! He plays dead a little, then brains Joe-Lee with a pipe. He keeps having to throw his crazy mama off his shoulder, and eventually Melinda doesn’t get up from one of those falls. “Mama?” he gaps into the credits.

Jul 20
2011

The Amazing Spider-Man Trailer: First Person Shooter?

Posted by April in trailer , the amazing spider-man , lesson learned , inception , andrew garfield ftw

Let's skip over the usual blah blah about why is this happening again and so soon re: Spider-Man, okay? We'll revel in the casting, the positively defiant high school/Gwen Stacey-ism of it all, and hope against hope that that first person shooter stuff of Spider-Man running around New York isn't going to make the final cut of the film. Watch:

Jul 20
2011

The Lexicon: "Now THAT's How You Scrub a Fuckin' Bloodstain."

Posted by April in tv , the lexicon , I can't believe I just wondered if blow job is one , deadwood , Al Swearegen for President

The Lexicon: an occasional feature in which we identify movie/TV lines worth repeating.

Source: Al Swearegen (Ian McShane), Deadwood, "Suffer the Little Children" (S1, E8)

Usage: A job well done.

Jul 19
2011

The Dark Knight Rises Teaser Trailer: Why is Everyone Whispering?

Posted by April in whipsering is the new screaming , trailer , the dark knight rises , next year is so far away , hells yes , comics

Either that or we'd all have to scream our fool heads off in anticipation. When is this movie coming out again? Oh, yeah. Next summer. Peppered with shots from Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, watch the video after the jump for a little bit of Dickie Edlund.

Jul 18
2011

True Blood: I Suppose We Better Try Something

Posted by April in witches , wet torso contest , werewolves , vampires , turnabout's fair play , true blood , no respect , I like this girl , hotties , butch bottom , bitches of eastwick

Yup.Last night’s True Blood, “I’m Alive and on Fire,” was something of a letdown after three weeks of AMAZING. It naturally had to be (how could you keep that up?), though it was still disappointing when not much happened (and doubly disappointing to crash to black at 9:50 exactly). We did, however, get to further experience the tragedy of Bill Compton, gain some insight into our embittered witch friend, and watch one of the horrible denizens of Hot Shot die. Plus, there was a Wet Torso Contest, so I guess it’s not all bad.

I Will Slay All the Sea Monsters

No sooner has Claudine gone up in a cloud of faerie dust than Sookie is insistent that Eric get back to his cubby, lest the fae be lurking about. Puppy Eric is apparently more interested in keeling over. Just when I think he’s on his very own trip to Fairy Land, he sort of snores and wiggles his arms around and gets back up, blood all over his face because blood never washes. He slurs that he wants more and keeps approaching Sookie long after she tells him to quit it. He flicks back her side pony tail (guess he’s a right biter). As he comes in for the bite, Sookie whisper-yells, “Don’t, Eric, you’ll kill me.” Puppy Eric’s head snaps back. Wounded, he explains that he could never hurt Sookie. The fangs retract. Relieved, Sookie tries to lead him to the cubby, but Eric’s not having it. He keeps pinching her butt (“beautiful butt,” he clarifies) and running away at vamp-speed. Finally, Sookie gets it, “Eric, you’re drunk.” Drunkety drunk drunk drunk would be more accurate, but I guess that’s close enough. Drunky Eric is like, “Duh, Snooki.” Despite dawn approaching, he’s upping grab ass to tag. “Chase me,” he implores, taking off at vamp-speed. Sookie chases him into the credits.

Jul 11
2011

True Blood: Vamp Up

Posted by April in worse than vampires , witches , vampires , tv , true blood , that's my line , recap , pour one out , orange county prison no touching! , equal opportunity biter , continuity? , chuck bass-ifiction is always good with me , called it! , bitches of eastwick

Hoyt Fortenberry!Ho, boy. Last night’s True Blood, “If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin’?” had a whole lot of only a few of things: horrible Crystal in horrible Hot Shot, approximately 1000 new faces from Puppy Eric, and rape. Talking about it, threatening it, seeing it happen. If you know me, then you know that’s my line, so I don’t know how I am going to deal with the fallout. I’ll probably comfort myself with the triumphant return of Alcide.

This is . . . my house?

Out by the side of the road, the camera makes sure to lovingly pan up from Puppy Eric’s bare feet (called it!), revel in his naked torso, and come to rest on his handsome, confused face. Fangs out, he wonders anew why Sookie smells so good, but this time he’s a little more descriptive: “Like wheat (sniff) and honey (sniff) and sunshine.” Sookie: “You know perfectly well why I smell . . . the way that I do.” She punctuates this with a pert little nod, like, this topic is no longer open for discussion, and I marvel at the idea that Sookie/Anna Paquin was ever considered a weak link on this show. We couldn’t be luckier to have her, folks. Puppy Eric, however, pays no never mind to the naysayers and leans into the car to, I don’t know, take a big whiff. Sookie hits the gas, makes it all of a couple of hundred feet while watching Puppy Eric in the rear view, then stops when she doesn’t see him anymore. Forsooth, Sookie. Try to remember that time he punched a giant dent into the front of your car. Was that her car or was it Bill’s? If it was her’s, you know he got that fixed up, too. Do you think it’s significant that her car and her house are yellow? Is it related to her sunshiny-ness? Item reserved. So Sookie’s looking around when Puppy Eric reappears and pounces on her through her open window. Sookie screams us into the credits.

<< Start < Prev 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Next > End >>