Last night's episode of Gossip Girl, "Inglorious Basssterds," was nothing short of amazing, in no small part because it featured amazing things that weren't even related to Chuck and Blair. Such as:

Eric Lives!

Yes. YES! Eric and his not-quite-adorable hair actually got lines last night. Turns out he's been on an Asian hook-up tour to get over Jonathan and is back in town looking for someone new. He does meet that someone, Elliot (Luke Kleintank), in the Waldorf lobby. He asks Elliot to wait for his return, but they miss each other, prompting Elliot to pull a Paul Buchman (sans dry cleaning) and search every floor until he finds Eric in the penthouse. They leave to go have kind of bad hair and be cute and gay, and I love Eric. He even finds time to call Jenny out on being totally stupid. Eric rules every episode he's in, even if he's apparently not going to be Dark Eric like I had hoped.

There were lots of in character, consistent, noteworthy things that happened in last night's episode, "The Empire Strikes Jack," but I'm still hung up on two things: Elizabeth MotherChuckin' Fisher and the scenes for next week. First things first:

Elizabeth Fisher, Please Die for Real

Chuck learns of Jack, Elizabeth, and Doug the Lawyer's plot when security shows up to forcibly remove him (and his purple housecoat) from Empire. By the time Elizabeth arrives (wobbling unsteadily on her pins because, I don't know, she doesn't know how to move quickly in heels or she's morning drunk), Chuck's dressed and angry, but he gets to be disappointed as well when Elizabeth assures him that she's behind the eviction. Betrayed, Chuck informs Blair, Nate, and Serena that Empire is lost, but he's still holding out hope Jack is blackmailing Elizabeth. Turns out not so: Elizabeth loves Jack so much that she was willing to play her role in the elaborate ruse to wrest Empire from Chuck, only now she maybe feels a bit bad about that because maybe she likes Chuck. I'm not entirely sure because the actress playing Elizabeth really isn't on par with everyone else on the show. The devastation on Ed Westwick's exquisitely expressive face made the scene work anyway (also good: his pea coat. That thing was rockin'). In their third and final scene, Elizabeth tells Chuck that she signed over the Empire to Jack for real and is now fleeing the country to get away from the man she loved so much that she came back from the dead to ruin her son's life in myriad new ways. Chuck heartbreakingly begs his mother to stay for him, so she tells him that she's not even his mother. Sadly, we don't have long to cheer that confirmation before a final phone call between Jack and Elizabeth reveals that yes, she really is Chuck's mom, and she just decided to lie to him some more because she's a truly terrible human being. Anyway, she's off to find herself or some such bullshit.

From contributor Kris Millet:

Hi everyone. Just letting you know that No Fly List (me, Russ on bass, Reza on drums) will be playing this Monday night at Zaphod's at 9:00! No cover!

Zaphod's is a great venue to play, so we're pretty pumped about it. They do Showcase Mondays every week made up entirely of local acts, allowing them to do their thing and develop. They even record each band's performance for free!

So come on out and support some local music! Here's the little ad the bar put together:
Monday, March 29 - 8pm - *FREE* Showcase Mondays presents 
THE PANAMA
+ ORCHID THIEVES
+ THE WHEAT POOL
+ NO FLY LIST
Followed by RECAP with DJ Matty

Hopefully see you out there, thanks.

Kris

In Thursday's episode, "A Few Good Men," the truth came out. What truth? Whose truth? Pretty much everyone's truth unless the character wasn't in the episode (so, no truth for grieving Bonnie, Jeremy the adopted-sister-having soon-to-be vampire hunter, or probable-werewolf Tyler, though his classist mom is out and about (sidebar: being classist is useless enough, but being classist in a small town? There's probably, like, one other family "good enough" to associate with)). Anyway, despite stone cold liar Stefan's best efforts to manage the situation, the truth round up:

Isobel Fleming is Elena's Mother

We all already figured out that Alaric's dead wife Isobel is Elena's bio-mom, but now everyone and their brother knows it. Jenna tells Elena her suspicions and does research to confirm her theory, Elena tracks down one of Isobel's high school friends for further confirmation, Jenna also tells Alaric (he didn't know that Isobel ever had a child, but he does recognize her poorly photoshopped yearbook pic), Elena tells Stefan and Damon. In short, all the major players associated with this plot (Elena, Stefan, Damon, Alaric, Jenna) have key pieces of information in one (!) episode.

The writers finally remembered that Lucifer woke up Capital-D Death in, oh, November, and comes after residents of Bobby's South Dakota home town in last night's entry, "Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid." While initially lacking in the spectacular gore that made "My Bloody Valentine" so awesome (yes, awesome, even if it did make me mad), "Dead Men" was a Badass Bobby-centric episode, and who can argue against Jim Beaver?

See, Death has decided to wake up a bunch of corpses from the local cemetery, including Bobby's dead wife Karen (Carrie Anne Fleming and not Elizabeth Marleau from season three's "Dream a Little Dream of Me"), only they're more alive-again, Pushing Daisies-style, than the flesh-eating monsters we usually associate with rising from the grave. Actually, they go Daisies one better: the people, like Bobby's cremated wife, are completely restored. Of course, it takes our brainless* heroes forever to figure out what's up with Bobby, even after Dean suspects that Bobby has cleaned. Dudes, just look at Bobby's head: beard trimmed, trucker hat removed, hair parted and neatly combed. Something is just plain wrong with that picture. 

*As always, Dean and Sam are exactly as smart or a dumb as the episode needs them to be. It's consistently inconsistent.

I read "Work That Plays," a National Post story about Broken City Lab's attempts to revitalize Windsor through the arts, earlier this week, but it wasn't until today that this section fully registered: 

In one project called Rewriting Windsor, citizens came together over a number of evenings and contributed to a multimedia history of the city that included video, audio, text and visual art. The result was a collaborative and imagined history of the city written by the community. 

So, they recreated the last 20 minutes or so of Be Kind Rewind? Alright then. It is a pretty sweet movie. But Justin Langlois should probably send writer-director-media-artist-in-his-own-right Michel Gondry a thank you note.

CALL TO ARTISTS
NEW DEADLINE: MARCH 31, 2010
Blink Artist Collective is currently accepting submissions for the 2010 exhibition season.  Blink Gallery can be found in Header House, a small, stone NCC heritage building in Major's Hill Park, across the bridge from The National Gallery.
Blink will be mounting another exciting series of one-week shows from June to September, which will feature the work of Blink artists, as well as showcase a variety of guest artists.
Blink is encouraging artists of all disciplines to apply.
Please apply with a non-refundable application fee of $25.
-10 images & image list
-72 DPI jpg (750 x 900 pixels)
-Artist statement/proposal (max 500 words)
-CV/Bio
-Contact information
-Include a SASE
For any questions regarding application go to: jeanjewer@rogers.com
All submissions will be juried by Blink.
Please mail applications to:
Blink Gallery for the Arts Inc.
PO Box 53070
RPO Rideau-centre
Ottawa, ON.   K1N 1C5
NEW DEADLINE – March 31st 2010
Change of deadline is due to a deadline discrepancy.
NOTE: If you must send application through e-mail (jeanjewer@rogers.com) please mail the application fee.

Even though last night’s episode, “The Sixteen Year Old Virgin,” was funny, moved things along at a good pace, and used GG voiceovers correctly, it also made no sense. Gossip Girl, who are you trying to play?

The Con

Saints be praised, Elizabeth (née Evelyn) is indeed conning Chuck. Evil Uncle Jack Bass returns with a goatee, a smirk, and an axe to grind (how effed up do you have to be that your 19 year-old nephew is your worst enemy?). There’s a multi-plaintiff lawsuit against Empire and Chuck, claiming he’s been sexually harassing the staff. Chuck may have pulled that sort of thing over at the Palace but “not in my hotel, and not to you [Blair].” Aw. Jack claims no responsibility for the lawsuit, but he plans to reap the benefits (methinks he will end up reaping the whirlwind instead). Jack does, however, plant enough doubt Chuck’s mind that Chuck grabs a sneaky DNA sample (Elizabeth’s glass) to send off to the lab. First Blair catches him and is appalled, and then Elizabeth shows up to express disappointment that Chuck won’t trust her and let her in. Are you kidding, show? Are you kidding? I realize that Gossip Girl isn’t Veronica Mars, but the dead mom appears from parts unknown after 20 years of not being involved and suddenly wants a relationship with her billionaire son now that the only person who could identify her (Bart) is dead? The only right thing to do is get a DNA test. Not only that, but Chuck should also have his accountants show him proof the Elizabeth Fisher has been receiving yearly “stay away” payments from Bart.

Friends, there are movies (movies! plural!) to be seen this weekend. Let's get to it.

New on the Hollywood front, you've got The Ghost Writer, starring Pierce Brosnan as a Blair-esque former British PM who led the country into an undesirable war and noted feminist Ewan McGregor as the ghost writer tasked with completing the PM's memoirs. You've got Repo Men, in which Jude Law and Forest Whitakre reposse people's purchased organs for Liev Schrieber. You've got Diary of a Wimpy Kid, about, um, a wimpy kid in middle school and his over-sized delusions  of grandeur. Finally, if you've got any desire to go see The Bounty Hunter, let Tony Scott cure you.

Over at the Bytowne, you've got Colin Firth's heartbreaking performance in A Single Man, Xavier Dolan's heartbreaking debut J'ai tué ma mère, Darwin biopic Creation, and Fellini-inspired fiasco Nine.

Friday

La Petite Mort Gallery presents
FIVE DAY EXHIBIT
JANE BURNSTEIN, "Bound in Banyans - In Black & White"
Vernissage: Friday March 19, 2010 / 7 -10pm
306 Cumberland

Community Labyrinth Walk: Join us for an evening seeking balance between the melodic and the rhythmic to find completeness within.
We welcome Violinist Janice Mah and Percussionist Benilda Formoso to blend the melody of the strings with the beat of the drum to form an original soundscape to accompany your walk in the labyrinth.
Friday March 19th at 7:00 pm| Christ Church Cathedral Ottawa | 420 Sparks Street
An introduction to the labyrinth as walking meditation will be provided. No experience necessary. Suggested donation $20.
For information contact: barbara.brown1@sympatico.ca

The Block by Matthew Higgins, documents in chilling detail, weapons made by the inmates of Kingston Penitentiary. Vernissage: Friday March 19th, 2010, 17:00 - 20:00
On View: March 19th - March 30th, 2010
Viewing hours: Mon - Fri 10:00 -18:00, Sat 10:00-15:00
Sundays and late evenings by appointment or by chance.
The Red Wall Gallery is located in SPAO at 168 Dalhousie, at the corner of Bruyère, in the Byward Market.

Despite previous reports, Jake Gyllenhaal will not be filming scenes for the upcoming thriller Source Code. VIA Rail couldn't come to terms for their fee with the producers, so Ottawa will miss out on as much as $200,000 injected into the local economy. Also, we'll miss out on Jake Gyllenhaal. Thanks, VIA. If you can't get the trains to run on time, you could at least expose us to a hottie or two (co-star Vera Farmiga).

As you no doubt expected, Nate's thinky face was no match for the pure joy Ed Westwick unleashed at the end of "The Lady Vanished" when Chuck finally sat down with his mom for a chat. Of course, when she said she wanted to know everything about him, I laughed that she had no idea what she was in for. Part-time rapist? Full-time purple enthusiast? (Though the ensembles are on a downward trend. Not for craftsmanship, mind, but they are certainly less fabulous than they used to be. Remember his bass cardigan? The paisley? And what's up with the pinky ring/bracelet combo?). Although the episode was light on scheming, complicated sexual dynamics, and dire stupidity, it was also a vast improvement over "The Hurt Locket" and on par with the Gossip Girl we've come to know and love. Like so: 

The MotherChucker

Apparently Elizabeth Fisher (née Evelyn) is indeed Chuck's mom, which doesn't explain her uncontrolled accent or addiction to beige, but I guess we'll take it one step at a time. Seems she wanted to give Chuck up for adoption only for Bart to decide to keep the baby, so they cooked up the "died in childbirth" that, you know, saddled Chuck with a lifetime of guilt and strained his relationship with his dad.

Every once and while I get into the idea of theme songs: for people, for events, for specific days. I'm known in certain circles, for example, for my summer jams. If you want to entice me to go on a road trip, play Kansas' "Carry on My Wayward Son." Naturally, I sometimes think of songs to match the month's theme. This time, Jonathan Coulton springs to mind:

I haven't consumed all of last night's episode of Gossip Girl, "The Lady Vanished," so the full recap will have to come later. I do, however, need to give props to whoever decided to cut to Nate's confused look at Blair's metaphor that she had "turned over a new leaf from the trust tree." Chace Crawford's eyebrows are a national treasure.

In addition to the fact that The Runaways will have begin a limited release in Canada and the U.S. this Friday, it's been well publicized for some time now that it stars Kristen Stewart as Joan Jett and Dakota Fanning as Cherrie Currie. Nothing new here, obviously. But I actually watched the trailer this weekend, and you know what? It totally stars Gossip Girl's Taylor Momsen. See for yourself:

Hollywood certainly has a diverse offering this week to suit you as follows:

• If you need to see Matt Damon, action, war, politics, Paul Greengrass' trademark shaky-cam, go see Green Zone
• If you need to see Robert Pattinson, brooding, romance, daddy issues, whatever possessed Chris Cooper to act opposite Robert Pattinson, go see Remember Me
• If you need to see Jay Baruchel, a sex farce, maybe romance, definitely a premature ejaculation joke in some sort of bizarre 40 Year-Old Virgin/There's Something About Mary mash-up, go see She's Out of My League.

All three sound hard to watch for wildly different reasons. Ah, well. At least Baruchel has two more movies coming out soon (How to Train Your Dragon and The Sorcerer's Apprentice).

If you're looking for something different, there's Genius Within: The Inner Life Of Glenn Gould, Oscar Nominated Short Films of 2009 (Animated), Oscar Nominated Short Films of 2009 (Live Action), World’s Best Commercials 2009, and Marina Of The Zabbaleen playing at the Bytowne.

I'd try come up with something more erudite than that, something with trenchant insight into Mad Men as cultural phenomenon, the commodification of culture, or the final sell-out straw, but who are we kidding? I own a Dylan McKay Barbie and proudly take him out in public. I so want Mad Men Barbies. Or I would if they weren't $300 US collector's items. Also, that's a really poor Don. I mean, my Dylan McKay Barbie really looks like Dylan McKay. They put some serious effort into that nine-head. These things are generic-looking.  I still kind of want the Roger one though I will hold out hope that someone one day makes a Roger string-pulley doll since Roger has all the best lines.

Wait, is there an Sterling Cooper Barbie-office for sale as well? That would be sweet.

Summit plans to release the The Twilight Saga: Eclipse trailer in front of Robert Pattinson's new feature, Remember Me, which opens tomorrow, which is why the trailer's on the Internet today. Oh, sweet Internet, what do you have for us this time out? More shirtless Lautner? More wolf vs. vampire battles? More unbuttoning? Let's see:

A few weeks ago, I went to see Shutter Island. In the wing seating, a lady started yelling at some people as they exited during the end credits. It wasn't clear exactly what she was on about, but, naturally, my sympathy was with the older lady over the "young punks." As a remix of Dinah Washington's "This Bitter Earth" played over the end credits, my viewing companion and I discussed how copyright issues over this very song kept Killer of Sheep, one of the greatest American movies ever made, from being seeing by the wider public for 30 years. Unfortunately discussing exactly what we are hearing during the end credits was too much for the now obviously old lady, who started yelling at us to "STOP TALKING!" Just in case you were wondering, according to crazy old ladies who scare away even their minders with their yelling, "OUTSIDE IS FOR TALKING!" You know, during the end credits in a mostly empty theatre. I'll admit to you that I was actually upset by the lengthy tongue lashing we got for, in my opinion, doing nothing wrong. 

This morning I read this story in the L.A. Times, and apparently it could have been much worse. Not to make light of the situation because it is terrible, but a meat thermometre? They left and came back with a meat thermometre? How desperately do you want to stab someone that you could leave and come back with the thing that tells you if your turkey is done? Also, stop talking on your cell phone, violent jackass.

Call to Local Artists
Patrick John Mills Contemporary Fine Art Gallery is now accepting submissions for a Group Show. Please send samples of your art work to the gallery (postal submissions only). Video, painting, poetry, drawings, installations, sculpture, anything.... crazy is good. The more interesting the art is the better.
Going Local. Group Show.
April 1st - 24th. 2010
Meet the Artists: April 1st, Thursday 6 - 9 pm.
Deadline for Submissions: March 18th.
Patrick John Mills Contemporary Fine Art Gallery
286 Hinchey Ave, Ottawa, Ontario. K1Y 1M2.
www.PatrickJohnMills.ca
No email submissions
Submissions will not be returned and only accepted artists will be contacted.