A great show called Parks and Recreation features a great mustachioed man named Ronald Swanson. He is a libertarian government official, a lover of breakfast food, a high-and-tight haircut enthusiast, and an all-around man's man.

Vancouver is playing host to the top female soccer players in North and Central America this week and next, and I will be sharing my thoughts on the tournament in this blog. I don't promise a report everyday, but certainly a few updates will be coming. First let me say that there are plenty of tickets still available, and if anyone is looking for a fun way to spend an evening, they should head down to BC Place and check it out. All of the details can be found at CONCACAF's website, but there are 2 games every evening (one at 5:00pm and one at 7:30pm), and one very cheap ticket will buy you access to both. 

The first two games of the tournament took place last night, with a game between Costa Rica and Cuba kicking (see what I did there?) things off. Costa Rica's speed and quick passing gave them the early lead over Cuba (with a goal from Saudy Rosales). Costa Rica dominated possession and some really skilled defensive play saved not one, but two shots headed into an otherwise open net. 

The main event of the night was Team Canada's debut in the tournament. The team was lead by their captain and outright star, Christine Sinclair, who scored 4 goals during the game, contributing to the 6-0 defeat of the national team from Haiti. The Canadian defence was hardly tested, but their controlled passing and movement on the ball set the tone for the game. There was one unfortunate injury, when the Haitian goalkeeper collided with one of her own players while retrieving a shot. The collision was brutal, and the goalkeeper was eventually evacuated to the hospital. No further details about her condition have been released at this time. 

I've written before about my distaste for the hipster-y bacon trend of the past few years.  But with baconlube I think we can all agree that it's time for it to end.  Stop the madness, people.

At (Cult)ure we're in the business of producing written words, but that doesn't mean that we don't enjoy things like spoken words or words set to music or things that don't have words at all. So each week we'll bring you a small collection of non-written things that we enjoyed.

Best Podcast: On Being, "Roseanne Cash"

Maybe I was always predisposed to enjoy a podcast with Roseanne Cash. Hearing her talk about music and the particular angle of her father's back that she knew best were perhaps to be expected, but "mystery" and playing with an interactive table of elements? Now that's good stuff. 

No sooner did we publish the (Cult)ys, our first annual ridiculously specific TV and cinema awards, than all manner of other awards I could have given started to flow freely in my brain. I've decided to call these forgotten awards "outliers"* and post them as they come to me, so they can live in infamy (or just on the internet. One or the other). So, let's kick it off with . . .

Best Shrimping Boat Redemption of a Previously Thought Un-redeemable Character
Sonny (Michiel Huisman), Treme

Over the course of the first season of Treme, it was made clear that every character, no matter how horrible s/he seemed, had redeeming qualities. Everyone, that is, except Sonny. Sonny was a not-particularly talented musician/drug addict who cheated on and hit his girlfriend. If he had died between seasons, I doubt he would be have been missed. When Season 2 began, Sonny may not have had a girlfriend anymore, but he still had a drug and attitude problem. He was either in constant danger of being kicked out of Antoine's (Wendell Pierce) band (his one and only source of income) or actually kicked out of it. So imagine our surprise when one of Sonny's fellow bandmates (Cornell Williams) sized Sonny up, pronounced that he was "in no danger of becoming no great musician," and took him out to the coast to put him to work on a shrimping boat. I don't know if it was the hard work, the sea air, or getting clean that did it, but, by the end of the season, Sonny was not only doing better work with the band, he was dating a nice girl who's father runs a shrimp company. Oddly enough, now I want to see if those two kids can work it out. 

An actual email conversation between Emily and me.

Emily: What is happening here? http://popwatch.ew.com/2012/01/04/twilight-the-musical-its-happening/

Me: As a one-night-only charity event, I’m okay. As an actual idea, I am  . . . what would even happen? Loads of creaky ballads from Bella about her luv, Edward would start out singing a ballad (or a German art song) and start screeching heavy metal (bi-polar), and Jacob would randomly pop up to wail on his axe. Actually, that sounds kind of cool.

It has truly been an incredible year: revolutions, mass protest movements, the deaths of multiple tyrants and a heated pre-election season in the United States.  And yet, if I can humbly impart you with one image to remember 2011 by, let it be this:

April told us about a couple of her favourite songs, Emily shared a hilarious roast of one of the world's worst Christmas songs, and now I'll throw a couple more of my favourites this year into the mix. Check out the following offerings from Coldplay,  Roger Whittaker, Judy Garland, and She & Him.

In last night's Season 2 finale of Boardwalk Empire, Nucky Thompson (Steve Buscemi) finally put paid to the paradox Jimmy Darmody (Michael Pitt) laid out in way, way back in the pilot: "You can't be half a gangster." He did this in two ways, one big, one small, both with devestating consequences.

1. Nucky married Margaret (Kelly MacDonald). When the season opened, Emily and I wondered why Nucky and Margaret weren't already married, given that there's nothing really standing in their way. The season tried to build up a credible reason in that Margaret just isn't that happy with Nucky but smashed it all to bits by having Margaret regress (or worse, develop a new personality) to a superstitious simp when faced with her daughter's illness. (And did anyone else get shades of Margaret's conversation with the Temperance League lady re: Nucky when Margaret had a private chat with Esther Randolph)? But this isn't a post about Margaret, so I digress. Nucky wanted to marry Margaret, yes, but the specific timing of their nuptials was designed to keep her off the witness stand, and they both knew it. 

2. Nucky kills Jimmy. A ballsy move for the show to kill off a main character, especially one seemingly central to nearly every plot. Sure, Jimmy spends the episode acting like a man who knows he's going to his grave (his desire to put everything to rights didn't read so much as turning over a new leaf as it did "one last thing before I go"), but it's still a shock to have him show up unarmed for Nucky, Nucky of all the people assembled, to put two bullets in Jimmy's head. It's a "holy fuck" moment that stands to paid off rich dramatic dividends now that Nucky has put down his last tie to, and hope for, a non (or half) gangster life.

If any of you have been subjected this holiday season to the world's worst Christmas song "the Christmas Shoes", please do yourselves a favour and listen to Patton Oswalt's hilarious takedown of it here, you won't be sorry (after the jump):

CHAIR! So close, and yet so far. Yup, that's about what I got out to last night's Gossip Girl, "Riding in Town Cars with Boys." Otherwise, Nate and Serena make the same plan they always make, only Dan's in this time; Ivy finally finds a reason to get out of Dodge already; and Rufus continues to be Goofus to the nth degree. Let's go over the highlights!

All you need is one

Apparently, all you need to become a super-successful newsman in NYC and the Vanderbilt’s last, great hope to lead the family is one editorial. At least that's what Nate's latest plot has taught me. Grandfather's ousted the still delicious Tripp from the position of crown prince thanks to an editorial (seriously. Because the paper isn't a daily or anything, so you only need to write one total editorial). So Tripp tattles to Nate that he isn't exactly the super-successful newsman he thinks he is, what with the Grandfather underwriting everything and putting Diana up to it. Nate is pissed, but then he forgets to be pissed because he's off to some wondrous high business/high debauchery retreat with Grandfather by the end of the episode. Also, somehow Max figures into Tripp's plans. Highlights: Toss up between Chuck telling Nate he was almost aroused by the one total editorial or the reverent look on Chuck's face when he repeats the name of the retreat (Allen Camp?). I started to wonder by boy-billionaire Bass hadn't already gotten his invite, then shuddered at the memory of the sex Narnia/Elle debacle. Except for one small part: CARTER BAIZEN! Oh, come back, I miss your pouty mouth.

AMY WINEHOUSE
Lioness: Hidden Treasures
www.amywinehouse.com
Dist: Universal Music Canada


Following her tragic passing in July, some of the producers and musicians who worked closely with Amy Winehouse spent time listening over the many recordings that Amy had made, before, during, and after the release of “Frank” and “Back To Black”. It was said by all who worked with Amy that she never sang or played a song the same way twice. It quickly became apparent to Salaam and Mark that they had a collection of songs that deserved to be heard, a collection of songs that were a fitting testament to Amy the artist and, as importantly, Amy their friend. The 12 track collection features previously unreleased tracks, alternate versions of existing classics as well as a couple brand new Amy compositions. Lioness: Hidden Treasures proves a fitting tribute to the artist, the talent and the woman and serves as a reminder of Amy’s extraordinary powers as a songwriter, a singer and an interpreter of classics.

Last Sunday night April and I were watching Boardwalk Empire when (MAJOR SPOILERS) Angela was murdered.  A short re-enacement of our reaction:

Me: "Aw, sorry about your sad life, Jimmy."

Team Canada has been AMAZING in the preliminaries for the FIRST EVER Roller Derby World Cup, winning all three games (against France, Sweden, and Brazil) to be seeded second (2nd!). You can find the schedule here (hopefully updated soon), and you can stream it live on Derby News Network here.

Fun fact: Two Rideau Valley Roller Girls (aka Ottawa's number 1 competitive flat track league) are on Team Canada: Soul Rekker (#55) and Semi Precious (#10).

Lauren's already kicked it off in the comments on the latest Mayfair chat, but, since it's December 1st and therefore the day I officially start listening to Christmas music of my own accord,* let's take a minute to share a couple of faves, shall we?

Now, if there's one thing you noticed in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1, wait . . . if there's one thing you noticed besides headboard breaking, Tebowing, and Edward cutting his child out of his wife's womb with his own teeth, it was that vampire Bella had one helluva blow out, right? She goes from beaten, malnourished famine victim to stunning beauty in three short days.

Well, now it's your turn, and you don't even have to get bitten (unless you're into that). Pro Beauty Tools has a line of Twilight styling tools, including the SPARKLE CERAMIC IONIC HAIRDRYER. I can only assume it's infused with vampire venom to give your hair the lustrous glow of a 1000 hot oil treatments. If I had straight hair, I would buy one of these so hard. I would take it to the pool with me, so everyone could see how sparkly I truly am.

I'm still holding out for Vampire Venom SPARKLE Body Mist, though. For all my glitter opportunities.

Last night’s Gossip Girl, “Rhodes to Perdition,” didn’t follow up on the end of “All the Pretty Sources” even a little bit. You know, when Blair showed up at Empire and asked without really asking if Chuck was good all along, and Ed Westwick’s exquisitely expressive face did something magnificent and heartbreaking, for such is its way, and . . . and . . . Nothing. Who knows? Chuck nodded and Blair left? They had sex on top of Dan, and thus his dreams became reality? They ate bacon scones? WHO KNOWS?!

You might have thought that there was a whole other episode on last night, one about Rhodes Women and Gossip Girl called them “Rhodes Girls” because she is an idiot and doesn’t get that being a woman is kind of the point, but since there is no longer even the remotest hint of character continuity on this show, I’m almost at the point of giving up. I know I won’t, but I just want you to know that I thought about it, show. And you know what else I thought? Dair is a distraction.

I’m not much of a ‘shipper either way, but over the course of this season I’ve been coming around to the “Dan and Blair belong together” side of thinking. It’s not that I spontaneously like Dan (although there was a point when he was sitting on the stoop with Alessandra when I thought he was looking good) but rather that I could see them as a harmonious balance rather than the chaos left in Chair’s wake.

The finals are here! It seems like we have been at this for a very long time. And by we, I mean me. Hope Solo was thankfully sent home last week, leaving us with three deserving finalists. We have the inspiring J.R. Martinez (a veteran who was badly injured while serving the U.S. military), former talk show host Ricki Lake, and relative of "famous" people, Rob Kardashian. If you had told me when we started this season that I wouldn't be actively rooting against Rob this week, I would not have believed you. He still isn't my favourite, but he has worked hard and earned his spot in the finals. Also, I love his partner, Cheryl. For the finale show (which is thankfully just one hour), each of the couples have just two dances including a fun freestyle round, and they get to have a teaching session with one of our esteemed judges as well.  

Ricki Lake and Derek (Cha Cha Cha):

Oh, you guys. I know we're all in a tizzy to attend the nuptials of those two crazy kids (using the term loosely, of course), so I bet you're wondering what to get the couple who has everything (or can afford to buy it). The answer, I don't mind tell you, is a 10 piece dinner set for two for $160. I've been to enough weddings to know that people really do register for pricey place settings like this (whereas I prefer some good old fashioned shatter resistant Corelle), so I'm not going to quibble over the price. I can't tell if my favourite part is the suggestion that this is a great "gift-idea" or the fact that the copy editor thinks "gift idea" is a hyphenate.

Nancy Grace was finally, finally sent home last week, about three weeks too late. She was the worst. With that, we are down to only four teams left, with J.R. Martinez and Ricki Lake as our frontrunners (and frontrunners in my heart). Hope Solo continues to be a poor dancer paired with a crappy partner. Rob is just unsympathetic, and I don't care much what happens to him. Each team has three dances this week, including an Argentinian tango with lifts allowed. 

Hope Solo and Maks: In their first clip package, we learn that Hope has a really bad shoulder that has like 12 pins in it. It is very painful, and we see her getting this huge horse shot of something into it. Gross. She said she was saving that shot for the mother-effing Olympics (!). Hardcore. That clip package did make me like Hope more…props to her for not complaining about her injury.