It is crazy that we are already down to the top 10 here. Last week, we lost Dareian, Matthew, Janelle, and Amelia. This week starts out with a tribute to Gene Kelly, who would have been 100 years old when this aired. In the audience is Gene's widow, Patricia Kelly who looks like she is not a day over 60. WTF? Yikes, the internet tells me that she was 47 years his junior, and that there was bad blood between her and at least one of his other wives. Interested. Tell me more, world. 

This week we have the All-stars coming in, thank goodness. Judges are Nigel, Mary and guest judge Benjamin Millepied (responsible for choreography in Black Swan), which is hcore. 

Smell ya later, Janelle. 

Major apologies for how behind we are here. I have been away. We pick back up after a two week hiatus for the Olympics (and my absence on top of that). I miss the Olympics, y'all. Four weeks ago, I thought that Janelle deserved to be in the bottom, and I still do, of course. Tiffany and George also had to deal with a crappy NappyTabs routine. We will find out who gets ousted from those performances at the end of this show, which is ENDLESSLY CONFUSING. Cat introduces some nonsense that I don't care to talk about, and then shows us a pretty cute picture of NappyTabs' new little baby. She also shares that this entire episode is a tribute to Mia Michaels, who has choreographed some of this show's most beautiful routines. Mama Mia is in the audience (with her crazy hair), and we learn that tonight's show will feature 7 recreations of Mia's most famous routines. This should be fun. 

So You Think You Can Dance: Top 16

Last week (okay, four weeks ago, so sorry about the delay here), four dancers we didn't really care about were eliminated. Who will go home this week (based on last week's dances, it is still a bit strange)? We start the week off with another pre-taped performance, where all of the dancers are dressed like Charlie Chaplin, and the whole thing is in black and white, save for one bright red umbrella. The style of the dance isn't super interesting..it is sort of slow and rhythmic. I really just stared at the red umbrella the whole time, wondering how it was filmed and processed. The look of the routine was fun, but I really didn't take in much of the dance. 

Cat Deeley looks particularly gorgeous tonight. She has really fun old Hollywood glam hair, a deep burgundy lip colour, and a sleek black dress. Judges tonight are Nigel and Mary, as usual, along with guest judge Christina Applegate. This is exciting, Applegate was a strong judge last season, and she used to be a dancer (she co-founded the Pussycat Dolls, strangely enough). 

We start out with a creepy, monstery-themed dance to Marilyn Manson's "Beautiful People", which features Cyrus and no one else. He starts the dance off in a video element and then also has a different costume than all of the other guys. Many of the other guys are relegated to the far reaches of the stage throughout the number, to the point that it seems rather unfair. 

Cat introduces our Top 20 dancers in couples, and I am champing at the bit to see how this new format for the season will work. Cat tells us that all of the couples will dance tonight and then at the end of the show, the cuts from last week will be made. The three lowest dancers will be called out, and the judges will get to save only one girl and one guy. It is very strange to have everyone dance today, but then not have 4 of those dancers' performances count. We'll see how it goes. Cat introduces our judges, and stalwarts Nigel Lythgoe and Mary Murphy are joined by Adam "Shankers" Shankman. He is plugging some dumb sequel to Step Up which the audience has to be really prodded to applaud for. 

So You Think You Can Dance: Meet the Couples!

The first show of the (real) season is here, and it promises to hold some very exciting dances, as well as the very real threat that a great dancer will go home this week because America doesn't know who he or she is. Let's dive in together and find out all the details about how this re-formatted season is going to work. We start off we a really cool opening number for the top 20 (choreographed by Christopher Scott), which is sort of Mad Men-themed, and I think Kenny Cosgrove is actually one of the dancers. The dance has dudes at desks interacting with their secretaries. Cyrus stands out because the camera keeps stopping on him, and Alexa (who I just very nearly called Ryan, ouch!) stands out for her ridiculous pouffy hair. Eliana and Amelia are also featured players. So many vowelly ladies this year! Our top 20 dancers are introduced right after this, and it is clear that the top 20 routine we just saw was pre-taped because everyone is changed and they all have vastly different hair. I don't recall the opening numbers being pre-taped before, but perhaps I was just oblivious. Having Cat do the individual introductions really brings a smile to my heart. We are really back! 

Judges

So You Think You Can Dance: The Top 20
Excitement abounds! We will finally find out who the top 20 dancers are for Season 9 of So You Think Can Dance! We start out in Hollywood, where the dancers will perform at the end of the show, and Cat is a knockout in this really fun champagne, gold, and pale pink dress. There is a panel of judges (not quite sure why they are here, but we will see), including Mary "The Screamer" Murphy, Nigel "The Pervy Uncle" Lythgoe, and Zooey "The Adorkable" Deschanel. Nigel explains the changes to this season, the biggest of which is that they will be choosing not one, but two favourite dancers (one guy and one girl). In addition, there is only one show per week (no results show), so it will be fun to see how this works out. The results show of SYTYCD wasn't the very worst, but there was certainly a bunch of reality TV filler nonsense that won't be missed.

The 35 finalists are all penned up in a room, and they call them in one by one to face the judges. Alexa (the overexposed) is called up first. Given how much time we spent with her last year, I feel pretty sure she will be in. Tyce tries to fake her out (poorly), and she is our first person in the coveted 20. George Lawrence II is next, and I don't remember much about him, except that he had a great audition. I think he has a ballet/contemporary background. Debbie Allen tells him he is in the top 20. Will Thomas (who we don't know much about) is also in. Megan Branch (who I don't know if we ever met) is a contemporary person who Mary loved, but she doesn't make it, nor does Collin Fuller (another unknown). Amber something is a contemporary dancer who has tried out three years in a row, and this year she makes it in (she had a really stanky attitude after she didn't make it the previous year, more on that later). The first four selected are dancing a Tyce Diorio routine, to "We Found Love" performed by Jesse J. The number is fairly boring, but it doesn't openly suck, which I have sometimes found in Tyce's routines. It looks a bit like a scene from Rent, which probably was the big thing in Tyce's heyday. The judges gives them each feedback, but I won't bother talking about it, because it isn't too interesting. 

So You Think You Can Dance: The Vegas Callbacks

This is very exciting. The audition rounds are over, and only people who have an actual chance of making it onto the show will be performing. The pre-show clip package promises lots of crying dancers, crushed dreams and one person getting kicked full out in the head. Good times. The judging panel includes Lil C, Debbie Allen, Adam Shankman, Tyce DiOrio (who makes a real knob of himself on his intro), Mary Murphy and Nigel Lythgoe. Nigel announces that solo performances will be up first, and if the dancers aren't good enough, they will be immediately cut. The Peanut Gallery's response to this? "Awesome." Up first is that exorcist guy from  Dallas. Shankers is crying already, and the guy is really damn good. We lose two of the first ten people, and it does seem pretty harsh. The next person we see dance is Janelle, the Belly Dancer. The new judges really love her. 51 people are cut from this round, including that dumb hip hopper/karate champion Tim Conkle. 

So You Think You Can Dance: Atlanta and Salt Lake City Auditions

 This week, we head to Atlanta, Georgia, for the third round of auditions. Last year's winner, Melanie, came from this city, so expectations are very high. They show a few quick clips of Melanie, and it makes me want to watch her dances again. So great. Regular judges Mary and Nigel are joined by Debbie Allen. Our first featured contestant is Audrey Case, who has some dumb squeaking neck trick which wastes our time. When she finally starts dancing, the judges love her, and I have to admit she is quite good. She gets a ticket straight through to Las Vegas. Next up are three hip hop dancers who are roommates along with a bunch of other people. Their clip package is a waste of time, as if we care how these unemployed dancers live! The first guy up of these three (Boris something) has some crazy controlled popping, and the judges give him a standing ovation. They give him a ticket straight to Vegas. We will get to his two roommates later. The next guy up is a fun contemporary guy named Joshua Alexander. I don't know that he will stand out from the pack in Vegas, but the producers definitely want us to like him. He gets his ticket to Vegas. We get a brief overview of another slough of dancers who get to go to Vegas. Tim Conkel (hehe) is up next, and he is apparently a big-time karate champion. He hams it up for the cameras, and the producers are salivating. He definitely has a unique style, and his karate-influenced movements and flips are pretty cool. The judges are not sure he has the dance skills needed to go forward, so they give him a chance to show some ballet that he learned in 7 days. It isn't good, but the judges find him very funny and charming. They send him on to Vegas, which is somewhat surprising. 

So You Think You Can Dance: The New York, Dallas and Los Angeles Auditions

The best televised talent competition of the summer is here again, and I am recapping it once again! After Melanie's dominance last year, I am exited to see who will step it up this year and break some hearts. As you can tell here, I am starting out with the audition rounds, which I generally skip. I do not promise detailed analysis of all of the auditionees, but I will try to keep up with those who might actually make the cut in Vegas. Of course, the producers probably won't show us all of the chosen ones in detail, so we'll see how this goes. In these first rounds, the dancers get one chance at a solo, and if they impress the judges, they get a ticket to compete in the group round in Las Vegas. If the judges aren't sure, they can give the people a chance to dance a choreographed routine and see if they stand out in that. 

RuPaul's Drag Race: The Final Three

We are here, people! It is final three time, and our three finalists are Chad Michaels, the fabulous Cher impersonator, Sharon Needles, the gothic punning firecracker, and Phi Phi O'Hara, an annoying yippy dog (I may be editorializing). Last week, we lost the large and in charge Latrice Royale, which was certainly a blow. I can't really blame the judges for their choice, either. Phi Phi brought it, and Latrice did not. She had so much potential (and lived it out in the first half of the season). 

Let's get to the finale. Our last SheMail arrives (sniff), and the fabulous Ms. Ru just cackles for a full minute. The dashing Mr. Ru comes into the work room to announce the final challenge. The ladies will star alongside Ru in a video for "Glamazon", the title track from the album. The girls will be dancing, syncing, and acting in the video. They work with "legendary choreographer" (?) Candis Cane, and Sharon really struggles to learn the choreography. She doesn't have a dance background, as Phi Phi and Chad do. I hope she can do it!

RuPaul's Drag Race: The Fabulous Bitch Ball 

Last week, the ladies (including a briefly re-appearing Kenya Michaels) got to frock some dads, with mixed results. The incoherent Kenya Michaels was sent home again, and no one cares again. The girls talk briefly about how Latrice has been in the bottom twice, but also about how Chad has never had to lip sync for his liiife. To be fair to Sharon, she only had to in that Frenemies week where she was relying on her arch-enemy, Phi Phi O'Hara. 

DILFs: Dad's I'd like to Frock

Last week, a very political challenge exposed the weakness in Dida Ritz (that weakness being her lack of style and boringsauce personality). Sharon Needles won the challenge for her frighteningly accurate portrayal of some recent female political candidates. Also last week, Ru announced that one of the departed queens would be coming back into the competition. It turns out that Michelle and Santino selected the incomprehensible Kenya Michaels to return. This seems like as good a choice as any, because at least she brings a professional look. 

RuPaul's Drag Race: Frock the Vote

 Last week, Willam won the challenge, but was kicked off the show for "breaking a rule" of the show. We don't know what said rule was, but she is outta here. We won't find out what rule was broken until the reunion show, which is a damn shame. 

Frenemies

Last week, Phi Phi O'Hara finally did well and won a challenge. Jiggly Caliente was sent sashaying away, probably a few episodes late. SheMail arrives and it is a strange one where Ms. Ru fights with her frenemy…who is Ms. Ru. Mr. Ru introduces the mini-challenge, which is a fun one where the girls have to take a lie detector test. The most hilarious question is repeated in some form for each player. "If X were the last ladyboy on earth, would you kai kai with her". Yes, I had to look up the spelling and possible use of that. It turns out everyone would kai kai with Latrice. Good things to know. These lie detectors are used to gauge the girls' personalities, and then they are paired up with another girl that they are different from. The pairs are Dida Ritz & Chad Michaels, Latrice Royale & Willam, and Phi Phi & Sharon. The challenge is to stage a production of some new original song. The big twist is that they won't be syncing the song, they will be singing it live. For many of these girls, this is a problem because they don't sing. 

During the Ru visit, we learn that the ladies will be judged as a team, so the bottom team will have to lip sync for their liiiives against each other. That adds some interesting drama to the mix. The next day, the teams get a chance to work with Ru's music partner and producer, Lucian Piane, who will give them feedback on their numbers. Details of each of the rehearsals are below, but in general, none of the people know the song well enough. 

Dragazines 

Previously on RuPaul's Drag Race, Milan was a bit of a mess again, and was sent home. Jiggly was also in the bottom, and we learned that he is a balding dude. Willam won the Pride float challenge, and was generally annoying.  

SheMail arrives, and it is all about libraries today. That's right, these gals are getting read. As we learned in past seasons, "reading" is kind of like roasting. It involves slamming your fellow queen with details about how they are slutty, ugly, fat, or whatever. It isn't as mean-spirited as it sounds, and all of the girls seem to enjoy it. 

RuPaul's Drag Race: Float Your Boat

Last week, Chad Michaels blew us away with his dead-on Cher impersonation. Kenya Michaels was sent sashaying away for not knowing who Beyoncé was and for being incoherent. I can't say we'll miss her. Phi Phi was told to step it the eff up, and we are really over her. 

The mini challenge this week is a wet t-shirt contest. The ladies each get a new silicone breast plate from some hilarious website that donated them. The contest is various degrees of frightening, and we see Latrice's blurred business. Latrice also does the freaking splits, which I am always impressed with.   

Last week, Madame LaQueer was sent home, just as we learned she was sort of annoying. This week brings us a great RuPaul's Drag Race tradition in the form of Snatch Game, and you should all check this episode out.  

The mini-challenge is called Beat the Cock, and the ladies compete in rooster and hen themed tasks. It is absurd, as usual. Phi Phi wins at pinning the rooster on Ru's face, Dida Ritz successfully blows a feather across a room, and Milan wins a ring toss game. Those three compete in a final challenge that is a variation of an egg and spoon race. I'll not go into more details. Phi Phi wins a phone call home, and Chad Michaels is sad because it is his anniversary with his partner. In a rare moment of humanity (at least on the show), Phi Phi gives up his call to Chad. 

Ru introduces the Snatch Game challenge. Snatch Game is Ru's version of the 1970s classic game show Match Game. If you ever get the chance to see an episode of the original Match Game, check that stuff out. Gene Rayburn basically corrals 6 celebrities (who may or may not be drunk) and makes them answer dumb questions while horrified house wives play along. It is great stuff. Snatch Game is the drag version of this, with celebrity impressions.  

Last week, there was some drama between Sharon Needles and Phi Phi O'Hara. The Princess was (rightly) sent home. 

There is some brief chatter before the mini-challenge where Phi Phi is a bitch to Sharon Needles again. If she is going to choose a dog's name, I am going to make references to her as such. 

Glamazons vs. Champions 

Last week, adorably dumb LaShauwn Beyond was sent home for his lack of confidence on the mainstage and because Billy B. hated him. Lame. But he wasn't going to make it very far. 

SheMail arrives and Ms. Ru is talking about all of her songs like "Covergirl," and "Glamazon". Mr. Ru shares a video of a fan of Ru's named Piyah Martell who was born without legs. The queens are touched by her story and have to create a butterfly-inspired headress in her honour. They are varying degrees of fabulous, with Latrice Royale and Milan's number not even staying on the mannequin head. Phi Phi, Kenya and Jiggly take the win. Phi Phi and Kenya win a coin toss to be team captains. 

RuPaul's Drag Race: Wrestling's Trashiest Fighters

Last week, a RuPocalypse gave us creepy looks from Sharon Needles and not really anyone else. Jiggly Caliente was given a second chance, while recent DUI-recoveree Alisa Summers was sent sashaying away. We will not miss her. 

One second is spent mourning the loss of Alisa and discussing how Lashauwn needs to speak up before SheMail arrives. It is cryptic, as always, and then Mr. Ru gives them this week's mini challenge. The girls get 30 minutes to sculpt an ass out of various padding materials. The results are ridiculous, and all of their new butts are like lumpy and stuff.