Dreaming of an Off-White Christmas |
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| Written by Dante Kleinberg |
| Sunday, 02 December 2007 19:00 |
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Even theologically curious agnostics of Jewish descent love Christmas! The trees, the presents, the lights, the feeling of rebirth as we pass the winter solstice and herald the return of the sun, and, oh yes, the music. While you may get sick of “Feliz Navidad” or “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” as you walk the aisles of Futureshop looking for a trinket Grandma won’t merely pretend to like, you can’t let the ubiquitous, ultra-shiny baubles of holiday music ruin your underlying holiday spirit.
Why I love it: Created by Robert Smigel’s TV Funhouse team for Saturday Night Live, it’s done in the style of the old Claymation specials like Frosty the Snowman. It is the only song I know that celebrates the joy of eating Chinese food and going to the movies on Christmas, a regular pastime of Jews and agnostics alike.
Why I love it: As with many of my choices, this one is heavily influenced by childhood nostalgia. The combination of the wonderful Dr. Seuss lyrics with the vocal stylings of Rockapella, beloved by many of my generation for singing the theme to the children’s game show Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?, is practically a perfect storm of youthful reminiscence.
Why I love it: Besides the catchy melody and the pleasing sound of the Harlem Community Choir in the background, the message of the song reflects well on my own personal philosophy. “War is over, if you want it,” they sing, and while I’m not declaring myself a pacifist, I do wish more people would recognize their authority over—not just their own lives—but over everything. It’s Christmas now, but there’s a new year on the horizon, and it will be what you make of it.
Why I love it: Putting aside the fact that They Might Be Giants is one of my five favorite bands of all time, this song encapsulates what we all subconsciously know to be true: People in Santa suits (at least those who are not, in fact, Santa) cannot be trusted. The fake beard, the sitting on his lap, the confessing to him all your desires... He’s an infiltrator. A subversive. When it comes to Santa Claus, accept no substitute.
Why I love it: I should point out I’m not sure if this song actually has a name, or if it does, that I’m assigning it the proper one. You’ll know it from a series of (annual?) skits performed by Horatio Sanz and friends on Saturday Night Live. He plunks on a little guitar while other cast members like Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan, and Tracy Morgan dance lazily next to him. I don’t know why people would want to deny Christmas, but Horatio will not allow it. After hearing it once, you’ll be repeating the plinky-plunk instrumental part in your head for days.
Why I love it: Sure, every single Ramones song sounds pretty much the same as every other Ramones song, but when it's such a great song, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Everybody's had this experience. You get into an argument with your loved one on a birthday, or an anniversary, or some other special day, and think, "Can we put this aside until tomorrow? Can we just enjoy today please?"
Why I love it: This song can put me in a good mood in an instant. Peanuts is easily my favorite comic ever. I've got the hardcovers; I've been to the museum; I own the Snoopy-emblazoned root beer mug and I will only drink root beer out of it. While the cartoons never lived up to the strip itself, there's something so heartwarming and relaxing about this song. I could light a fire, put it on a loop, and drink cocoa for easily 20 minutes before my A.D.D. would set in.
Why I love it: In 1988, there was a Christmas special called A Claymation Christmas, featuring the California Raisins. They replayed it every year for a while, but I'm not sure if they still do. It was at least popular enough to get a parody on The Simpsons in the form of the California Prunes. This particular number featured the three Wise Men singing a very solemn version of their song, but when they get to the chorus (see the sample lyrics) suddenly their camels would get into the act with a bebop up-tempo style that got the Wise Men all bent out of shape. I can't explain why I love it so much, but it's a combination of nostalgia and the way those camels get my toes a'tapping.
Why I love it: While neither Christian nor Pagan myself, I've always been a bit bewildered by the difficulty many religious folks seem to have getting along with each other. When viewed objectively, all the major religions are different aspects or tweaks on the same concepts. No matter what your winter-based celebration, the cycle of renewal is a time for unity, not dissonance. This song, while clearly a bit slanted towards the Pagan side of the table, touches me each time I hear it.
Why I love it: Maybe I'm a bit biased, given that Rilo Kiley is my favorite band, but I find this song truly amazing. For the majority of its 5 1/2 minutes, "Xmas Cake" is achingly slow and depressing, dwelling over a truly awful Christmas combination of extreme poverty and recent heartbreak. All seems lost. Then the music fades away and "another angel" comes down. Throughout this verse (see the sample lyrics), the music builds up again with a slight twinkle, becoming steadily stronger and stronger. A rumble is heard, the back-up vocalist sings "Christmas day!" As we storm again into the chorus, Jenny Lewis' voice has found new strength, the band is raging, the "fa la la, fa la la la las” are soon to follow … and I get chills. Every time. Transcendent.
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Sample lyrics: “It happens every year on Christmas Eve; All the happy Christian people take their leave; The streets are deserted and that's big news; It's Christmas time for the Jews.”
Sample lyrics: “You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch; You really are a heel; You’re as cuddly as a cactus, you’re as charming as an eel; Mr. Griiiiiiiiinnnnch!”
Sample lyrics: “And so this is Christmas; And what have we done; Another year over; A new one just begun.”
Sample lyrics: “I saw my baby wearing Santa’s beard; She kissed him once and whispered in his ear; I saw my baby wearing Santa’s beard; I wish he would go; He’s breaking up my home.”
Sample lyrics: “I don’t care what your momma says; Christmas time is near; I don’t care what your daddy says; Christmas time is dear.”
Sample lyrics: “I love you and you love me; And that’s the way it’s got to be; I loved you from the start; ‘Cause Christmas ain’t the time for breaking each other’s hearts.”
Sample lyrics: “Christmas time is here; Happiness and cheer; Fun for all that children call; Their favorite time of year.”
Sample lyrics: “Star of wonder, star of night; Star with royal beauty bright; Westward leading, still proceeding; Guide us to thy perfect light.”
Sample lyrics: “He told his niece, ‘It’s Christmas Eve; I know our life is not your style’; She said, ‘Christmas is like Solstice; and we miss you and it’s been a while’”
Sample lyrics: “And another angel came down; He was wearing only a cloud; He said ‘Sew up the bad that you’ve done; Tomorrow Christmas day comes’; Cry into your Christmas cake; Don’t know what else to do.”
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