Expressing the Inexpressible: The Courtship Mix CD

In the journey from being single to being the head of a family, there’s a certain order of events we’re all familiar with.  First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes so-and-so with a baby carriage (with the occasional sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g).  But for the music aficionado, there’s another inevitable step wedged between love and marriage:  the arranging of the perfect courtship mix CD.

Ever since home recording became readily available with the breakout success of the audio cassette in the 80’s, music lovers have been creating personal arrangements of their favorite songs, either for their own enjoyment or for others (DJ’s had been creating their own mixes for much longer, but that’s beyond the scope of our discussion).  Clubs dedicated to mixtape swapping were formed, and questions on proper sequencing, like the appropriate change in tempo from one song to the next or when it was okay to include the same artist twice, were obsessed over like passages from the Torah. 

Perhaps the most notable milestone in the mixtape’s quest for “legitimate art form” status came in 2003, when the Museum of Communication in Hamburg, Germany hosted an exhibit called “Cassette Stories.”  Eighty mixtapes were submitted along with the stories behind them, revealing the way in which 10 to 15 songs, deliberately sequenced, can be used to express feelings otherwise inexpressible.  This last minute swipe at the brass ring of artistic acceptance wasn’t enough to save the mixtape however, as the introduction of CD burners to every home PC and (even more devastating) the portable music device playlist made old-fashioned mixtapes almost instantly irrelevant.   

As re-sequencing music becomes virtually effortless, less  attention is put into re-sequencing music.  It’s common practice now to load every song you’ve ever heard of into an MP3 player and listen to it on “Shuffle,” allowing random chance to choose your song arrangement for you.  The mix CD, on the other hand, while it hasn’t gained the prominence once held by the mixtape, continues to slowly inch its way towards cultural relevance.  The wildly successful Now That’s What I Call Music! series is clear evidence of the consumer’s willingness to pay for the sequencing of what they could otherwise easily download on iTunes, while filmmakers like Wes Anderson and Zach Braff create soundtracks that are so fundamental to their movies, you may almost think they came up with the mix CD first then wrote the movie around it.   

Finally we return to the idea of the mix CD as tool of courtship.  There are two periods in an unmarried relationship where a mix CD may be used to great effect, either before or after the “I Love You”s have been exchanged.  Many give a mix CD as an expression of initial interest in a co-worker or friend they haven’t gotten up to asking out yet.  In this pre-relationship stage, resist the temptation to pack the CD with love songs—at best they won’t notice and at worst they’ll think you’re a potential stalker.  There are many other ways to get their attention. 

In a time where any song in the world is available for $1 USD at the click of a mouse, it’s no longer very useful to give someone a mix of songs you know they love.  If they love them so much, they probably already own them.  Instead, find out their favorites and create a mix of other songs you think they’d like given their tastes.  This can be a real challenge, even to the most ardent music lover, and I’m not above suggesting using sites like Pandora.com to cheat a little.  If music is extremely important to you, it may be a good idea to give a mix CD of your favorite songs instead (though, even if Prodigy is the very air you breathe, I’d leave out stuff like “Smack My Bitch Up”).  That way if the receiver can’t stand your choices, you can choose to move on before it’s begun, or a year down the road you’ll be having the inevitable argument over what CD’s to listen to on a long road trip (Sugar Ray or Aesop Rock? Hmm).  

Another option, and an unmistakably romantic gesture, is a themed mix CD based off a previously discussed topic.  Let’s say the object of your desire told you how they dream fondly of moving to California, you can easily surprise them a few days later with a mix of all songs about California (be careful you don’t end up with a California box set—there are so many songs in this category you can afford to be choosy).  For a dog lover, a mix of songs about dogs might be slightly more challenging, but for the diligent sequencer, could also be more fun and rewarding (might I suggest “Gonna Buy Me a Dog” by the Monkees?).   

Once the relationship is off in earnest and expressions of love have been shared, the mix CD is finally allowed to get as sappy as it always wanted to be.  The pressure is on to create something that will live up to your loved one’s expectations.  Carelessness here can lead to disaster—say you only listen to the first few lines of “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes” by The Platters (“They asked me how I knew, our true love was true; I of course replied, something here inside, cannot be denied…”) and it sounds very sweet so you include it, but once the bridge comes along (“Yet today, my love has flown away; I am without my love…”) you may end up sending the wrong message.  

 Which songs are about love, besides most of them?  How do you choose?  A good place to start is if you have something considered “our song,” like whatever was playing when you first danced, or first kissed, and so on.  From there, you can jump off to similar songs with similar themes.  If no “our song” is available, enter the word “Love” into the search engine of your brain and see what comes back (if the first result is “Love Stinks” then put away the CD-R and send flowers).  Once you’ve got a good list of candidates, you need to narrow them down.  Is “Let’s Stay Together” by Al Green too cliché (no, there’s a difference between a cliché and a classic)?  Is “I Love You” by The Pipettes too obscure (no, but the song has very specific lyrics that probably don’t apply to your relationship)?  If all else fails, oldies are a bottomless resource for appropriate love songs.  Any CD with “Don’t Talk (Put Your Head On My Shoulder” by The Beach Boys or “More Today Than Yesterday” by Spiral Starecase is bound for success.  

As long as CD’s are still being pressed and CD players are still being sold, the mix CD is here to stay.  Whether it’s a mix for a Christmas party (might I suggest “The Christians and the Pagans” by Dar Williams?) or a mix to celebrate the ending of a relationship (might I suggest “You’re Breakin’ My Heart” by Harry Nilsson ten times in a row?), the uses for a personal, shareable sequence of music are limitless.  And as long as normal people are willing to date those of us obsessed with music, the ritual of creating the perfect courtship mix CD, the best way we know to express the inexpressible, will continue.