Dancing with the Stars: Nip slip!
|Written by Lauren Cheal|
|Friday, 30 September 2011 13:47|
Last week, the weird Ron Artest was sent home. Thank goodness…he was strange and uninteresting at the same time. The previews this week promise star-meltdowns and (spoiler alert) Nancy Grace's boob. How fun! Let's get to it. Brooke Burke has 90s prom hair, which is not so pretty.
Hope Solo and Maks (Jive): Maks and Hope have chosen Toms as their team shoe. How hipster of them. If there is a dance for Hope to excel at, it has to be the Jive, right? Fast, athletic, fun? The result here is less than awesome. Maks has chosen goofy and dumb costumes that are distracting, and you can really see Hope counting through the steps and grinding out the moves very physically. I said last week that she wasn't very light on her feet (no surprise for an athlete), but it is really apparent here. Len flashes a gang sign and then says it was crisp, but they lost their timing. I agree that it was sloppy. Bruno thinks it wasn't precise at all. Carrie Ann liked the energy of the performance, but thinks Hope needs to relax a bit.
Kristin Cavallari and Mark (Quickstep): Kristin was told to come out of her shell more this week by Len. She is almost unrecognizable this week in her glam old Hollywood look (kind of an improvement). She has a super fake smile plastered on her face throughout the routine, but the dancing is decent. Quickstep is a dance I don't love—it uses really fast feet and a controlled upper body, which generally comes off as boring to me. This one was pretty good, given that is my starting point. Bruno thought she did great, but she needed to hold her frame more. Carrie Ann thought she was stunning and sophisticated. Len is tired of people booing him (fair enough). He thinks that her technique was a bit sloppy, but she looked great and she improved.
David Arquette and Kym (Jive): David is sweating up a freaking storm in rehearsals, I hope he does well. Again, this seems like a dance that should suit him. It actually comes off a little bit slow for a jive, but David dances it with a ton of personality and character. He needs to control his face a little bit, because he kind of looks like he is screaming the whole time. Carrie Ann loves the enthusiasm, and thinks he needs to get out of his head a bit. Len thinks that the technique was really not there, and it was too frantic and wild. Bruno thinks he lost timing and technique, but enjoyed the energy.
Elisabetta Canalis and Val (Quickstep): I am already tired of this woman. She is boring and not a fun dancer. Val and Elisabetta are fighting throughout their rehearsal week, and they both come off looking crappy. Elisabetta really suffers from what I have seen many a tall skinny gal have on this show (notably Denise Richards), which is just a timidity in where they put their feet. They don't move with authority and they look unsure at every step. She does ok with Val in hold, but her footwork seems very small. Len thinks it wasn't great, but better than last week. Bruno liked it and thought it was hot. Carrie Ann thinks she nailed it.
Rob Kardashian and Cheryl (Jive): Rob seems a bit apathetic in the competition so far, but we'll see how he does this week. He has insecurities about his weight, which kind of makes sense coming from that nutty family (even though he is by no means overweight). He does pretty well with the jive…he seems to be having fun with it, and Cheryl does a great job of choreographing something fun, but that also has enough technique in it to please Len. Bruno thinks he is starting to come to life, and did great. Carrie Ann says it is now official and Rob is way better than Kim, and also praises his confidence. Len thinks it was high-energy and a "proper performance" (his highest form of praise). I think we are talking 8s here, which is good for week 2.
Scores: 7,7,7 (I was wrong about those 8s).
Carson Kressley and Anna (Quickstep): Carson is just such a white dude when he dances. I am just used to gays who dance well, I guess. He actually manages to look more controlled and polished in this quickstep. The dance is a little bit slow, and there are a few missteps, but he does better than I thought he would, given last week's train wreck (which everyone loved). Carrie Ann thinks he improved, but that he was also a bit wobbly. Len knows he worked really hard and, and just wants him to get better technically. Bruno can also see the work he put in, and loved the entertainment, even though the technique wasn't there.
Ricky Lake and Derek (Jive): Their jive is really high energy and Ricky does a good job selling the fun and personality that she is having with the dance. For all her complaints about her age and her body, she did really well with the physical dance. I don't quite know what it is about Ricky, but she just makes you want to root for her. Len liked the fun of it, but thinks that the sexy bits were not his cup of tea. He also wanted more jive content (fair). Bruno thinks Ricky was the first person to get the kicks and flicks correct. Carrie Ann calls it the best jive of the night so far.
Chaz Bono and Lacey (Quickstep): Chaz is another contestant who is feeling the pain of being older/out of shape in a very physical competition. His knees, in particular, are in real pain. Lacey is forced to choreograph a really simple routine because his knees are such a problem, and it really looks weak. They are just basically walking around together. The song choice is also super strange—it is a pop version of the Mary Tyler Moore Show theme song. Bruno likes his effort, but thinks it wasn't fast enough at all. Carrie Ann likes his charisma, but the technique wasn't there. Len says he was just way too slow.
Scores: 6,5,6 (I think those two 6s were too high, considering they gave 6s to other people who did perform a full dance).
Chynna Philips and Tony (Jive): Chynna comes off like a bit of a dummy in her clip package again this week, mostly by not knowing the difference between left and right. I mean, we've all been there on a tired day, but she seems extra dumb. The dance is ok, it doesn't have as much energy as Ricky's just did, but she gets the steps right, for the most part. Carrie Ann likes to see her dance, but thought she held back a bit. Len thinks she could have attacked it harder. I totally agree. Bruno wants her to go "full boar" next week.
Nancy Grace and Tristan (Quickstep): I knew going into watching this that Nancy's cans fell out of her dress, but when I saw her dress when she came onto the screen, I was not at all shocked—her boobs are smushed up to her chin but also barely contained. Nancy is a woman who really benefits from the copious amounts of make up they slather on her for television. When she is in rehearsal, she often goes sans make up and it is jarring. Props to her for not caring about it, though. The dance is actually pretty good (for her). She does well to keep her enthusiasm up. Her boob is totally out at the end of the dance, and she is suitably mortified by it. The cameras awkwardly cut to shots of the audience just staring boredly (I think it was just test shots or something). That is the worst, and I feel bad for her. Len is happy that it was a quickstep that didn't break any of the rules. Bruno thought she did well to come out with the energy. Carrie Ann wants a bit more sizzle, but liked the partnership (and she in Len get in a shouting match…he really is cranky tonight).
J.R. Martinez and Karina (Jive): Easily the best jive of the night, J.R. keeps up with some tough choreography from Karina and looks like he is having a great time while doing it. The dance is super stylized, and in the best way. They are totally in sync, and the crowd loves it. Bruno says J.R. is charismatic and loved it. Carrie Ann loved it, but has to take points off for an illegal lift. Len thinks it wasn't a jive at all (shows what I know) and says that it is a Lindy Hop instead.
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