|Gossip Girl Gets By With A Little Help From Her Friends|
|Written by April Yorke|
|Tuesday, 22 February 2011 22:33|
Last night’s Gossip Girl, “While You Weren’t Sleeping,” is mostly a Blair-hits-the-breaking-point episode, which is a shame, as I never want to see our girl fail. Otherwise, it’s all secret affairs, Bass Industries intrigue, and Nate getting pimped. The ghost of Juliet haunts the fringes of the action like, well, like Georgina used to. Could we have them both in the season finale? In the meantime, a CAPER! As you may already know, the only thing I love more than a caper is a con. Or maybe I really do love capers a little bit more.
The Best Part of Waking Up
Is most assuredly finding your ex-con roommate and your ex-girlfriend/sister having stupid romance talk about toast. Ben says Serena fell asleep playing Scrabble, and Dan goes for the full Humphrey: he calls Serena a liar and stupid by replying that Serena doesn’t like/play Scrabble. Serena gives him a great “Why do you always have to be a dick” look in response and offers coffee, but Dan bolts for “a meeting . . . lunch” in Midtown.
The Blair Necessities
So Blair’s been going crazy, sleeping three hours a night, trying to keep up with her W schedule. Well her W schedule + all the things she’s piled on it because she fears she’ll lose Chuck for good if she doesn’t become a Powerful Woman instantly. Which is weird, and also sad. I bet they never considered it possible that either of them would fall for another when they came up with this plan. Anyway, right now is friend time with Serena while Dorota dresses Blair. Blair makes an unfortunate comparison to Powerful Women with dressers who also got totally killed. Point is, Serena and Ben have still not had sex. Blair gets to sniping almost instantly, and Serena snarks that “caring friend time” must be over. Aw, I like it when Serena uses her head. Good job, Van der Woodsen!
W. Blair’s scared off all her interns to the point where she is forced to put her minions to work and rehire Dan. Of course, Dan wants to help Blair as a favour to a friend, and Blair won’t have that, so Dan sits down, puts his feet up on her desk, and settles in to watch the “theatre.” Somehow, this comes off as funny instead of douchey. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME? Also, why is Dan there? I missed the why part. Because he’s Dan, essentially. Also, why refuse, Dan? Doesn’t he need the job? Also also, we find out that Raina has been named the face of GIRLS Inc. As if that’s come back. Hilarious, show. GG calls her “the girl who has everything,” and I do not know what she is talking about. Raina does not have everything. She has some things, maybe. Mostly just truth and family. And when she finds out that she doesn’t know the truth about her family, boy will there by consequences. What? The number of times that she has brought up being abandoned by her mom must be building to something right? There’s no way we have the full story.
Later, Dan has taken off his coat and settled in, despite not at all agreeing to help, so, when Blair finally cracks and admits that she needs a favour from a friend, Dan’s on it. He mistakenly takes Penelope’s flower/drug assignment (more on this in a minute) and shuffles out. Man, really? Dan takes the flowers assignment? And everyone at the magazine needs Blair that desperately for every little thing even though she’s only an assistant? I hate this. I don’t want to see Blair fail.
Deception is the Breakfast of Champions
Prada Mafia. Eric’s pulling a sickie on the couch, and Lily is dreading whatever morning meeting she has. I’m confused by it. She’s not on the board anymore, so what kind of business meeting could she possibly have? Anyway, she’ll cancel Eric’s party when she gets back. Rufus thinks she’ll kick ass at whatever it is and gets a kiss for his troubles. Ooo, a kiss on the lips? Well done, Rufus.
Over the Empire Penthouse, Chuck is putting Nate on Raina duty. Specifically the duty of preventing her from returning to the office. Charles assures Nathaniel that his charms will sufficiently distract Raina, so long as he changes his sweater. Poor Nate. All he gets these days is pimped and insulted.
Restaurant. Seems Chuck and Lily are meeting each other. Lily’s not staying, though; she just came to tell him to his face to stop trying to contact her. Chuck starts off with “I know I said some terrible things.” Some terrible things? You called her a whore, Chuck. I’m with Lily. Lily says as much, and he really lights into her about Bart and Rufus. So she slaps him. Guys, this is breaking my heart. You know I love Chuck and Lily the most. Lily takes off, and from out behind a newspaper Russell pokes his conniving head. Okay, so it’s a set up. But who’s setting up whom?
Lily and Chuck meet up in the back of Chuck’s limo. Not like that. YES! A caper! I love capers so hardcore. I was really upset there, guys. Good to know that they’ve made up and are out to get Russell.
Ben and Serena are downstairs at Prada Mafia. I’ll admit that I don’t really get why. Point is, they spot Eric trying to make his escape and call him out on totally not having the flu. Well observed, you two. Eric spills about the Damien-blackmail, and Serena can’t believe Eric told about her mom’s fraud and perjury. HA! As if Serena suddenly understands legalities. She totally tried to leak the affidavit to the press, like, two days ago. Seems that Eric has been tasked with picking up Damien’s flower/drug delivery (see, told you we’d come back to it). They’re sort of at a loss for what to do, and Ben argues for not picking up the drugs and letting the Lily chips fall where they may. Serena is mildly scandalized. Why would Ben agree that keeping Lily out of jail via drug deliveries is a good idea? Also, tried to leak to affidavit to the press. I’m just saying. Whatever, Serena’s going to help Eric now. She tells him to call Lily and let her know that the party’s back on.
Nate appears mysteriously outside Raina’s meeting with a never-seen Anne Archibald. Nate didn’t change his sweater! Attaboy. He convinces her that a stroll through Central Park with him as an escort is the most efficient way to cross the 15 blocks in question. Turns out that Raina never did normal kid things like skate or see grass, so Nate insists that they go skating this very instant. Raina’s game.
Prada Mafia. Somehow Chuck and Lily have reasoned out that Russell isn’t solvent enough to make this play on his own. Now Russell needs a backer? That has never once been indicated. Lily worries that their little play didn’t take. Chuck is so quick to disagree that Lily’s lost her allure. Aw, see, love. And maybe some weird Oedipal stuff. What, he didn’t have a mom! That shit would be confusing. Immediately the phone starts ringing, and Lily makes a lunch date with Russell.
W. Serena and Eric show up to strategize with Blair. Dan insists that she doesn’t have time, but Blair loves schemes (and Eric and Serena) too much not to get in on this action. Wait, Eric and Serena need this plan to work. Blair, hang in there.
Empire. Raina appears in Nate’s robe. Sadly, not because they just has sex. Nate threw cider all over Raina to further keep her away from the office. Y’all know Raina is going to fall for Nate. Raina doesn’t care, though, as it gave her an excuse to cancel her afternoon. She’s never not had anything to do at 2 pm. What would Nate be doing? Call of Duty: Black Ops. Would he also be smoking the joint she just fished out of his robe’s pocket? Why yes, he would. Good girl Raina has never done such a thing. Perhaps now is the time to start. After all, Nate reasons, Chuck Bass has primo weed. And now Nate is a little pusher. How do you not fall for him?
While Raina’s with Nate and Lily’s doing just enough to make Russell think that she’s going to leave Rufus any second now without explicitly saying so, Chuck breaks into Thorpe’s office. He clickety-clacks away at the keyboard until he finds all the emails about the BI buy and, thus, the name of the backer. For future reference, wear gloves, Chuck.
Party Everyone Ends Up At, Eric’s Legal Edition
Dan’s shown up with Eric’s birthday party with the wrong tulips, aka not Damien’s drugs. Dan then gets a call from Ben. Seems Vanessa has reared her ugly head. Of course Ben is the only person who treats Vanessa with the level of suspicion she deserves. She’s shown up in person to apologize and will stay until Dan comes home if that’s what it takes. Dan starts blathering about how there’s a reason he killed her carrier pigeons and hasn’t replied to her smoke signals. Ben looks so uncomfortable to be in the middle of this, but Dan just won’t talk to Vanessa. Good on ya, Dan. And then Ben hears about the tulips and surmises that Serena’s a drug dealer.
Dan can’t believe that Blair turned him into a drug mule, and a piss-poor one at that, but the girl in two different shoes wrote down the wrong tulip colour and also meant to send Penelope, who could probably benefit from some time in the Pen. Aw, I love Penelope. So basically, Blair’s lost her shit. Still, Serena’s got a back-up plan: “The cheque book to your Rhodes trust fund is somewhere in that pile of presents.” Would that everyone heard that on their 18th birthday.
Russell has mysteriously shown up at Eric’s birthday. He’s apparently that hot for Lily. Lily suggests that he leaves when she spies Rufus, but Rufus goes her one better by pitching a mini-fit about their secret affair. Russell agrees to leave to avoid causing a scene. Lily congratulates Rufus on a scene well played. Rufus is in on the caper? Hot damn, this episode is good to him. Before Russell goes, Chuck spies him and calls Nate, asking him to now not bring Raina to the party. Nate and Raina are dancing, video game-style. Chuck is wearing too much lipstick in this scene. Chuck rings off, and Nate remembers that he’s been flirting with his best friend’s girl(ish). He hilariously tries to reconnect Raina to Chuck via Raina’s first ever career goal of creating ice cream flavours by saying, “You know who loves ice cream? Chuck. He loves it.” HEE!
In his room, Serena and Eric are frantically ripping gifts open. Lily finds them and asks, “Do you realize how gauche it is to open presents at a party before dessert?” Eric pretends that he’s just so excited, and Lily lets this display of bad manners slide. Damien shows up to the party for his drugs and/or money. Ben’s all pissy with Serena over the drugs/money, Serena’s like, “Well, I don’t want my mom to go to jail!” And while I think giving into a blackmailer is never the end of it, thank goodness Serena remembered to love Eric. It’s so unlikely. Makes me happy. And then this happens: “I hear a storm is threatening someone’s life today. Just hope they can find shelter. Shelter that isn’t behind bars.” Shut up, GG.
So Backer Brad shows up just as Russell is leaving, and Russell tries to convince him that it’s all part of Lily and Chuck’s evil plot of evil. Turns out Backer Brad isn’t just a bank account; he realizes that Russell’s motivations aren’t above board either and decides to hear Chuck out. Nicely done, Brad! You’ve got the makings of a keeper.
Fuck, go away, Vanessa. She shows up at Eric’s birthday begging Dan’s forgiveness, and Dan lets her have it. Vanessa may not have known Juliet’s game, but she certainly knew the truth, concealed it, threw Jenny under the bus, and fled. In summary: die in a fire, Vanessa. Vanessa starts to leave and turns back to throw some serious Abrams in his face: Juliet was right. Vanessa will always be an outsider. She leaves, and Dan makes a slightly guilty fce because he is an idiot. Vanessa brings it on herself! Every time! Okay, points for the redness about the eyes that made it look like she had been crying on the way over. But that's it.
Damien goes off to get himself some mac and cheese while the kiddies fill Lily in. Lily finally admits that she forged the signature. Makes me sad. Good for you, Lily. Thusly, she will deal with this situation. By paying Damien with her own cheque book. Oh, it never ends.
Blair’s hiding out with Rufus’s guitars when her new minion informs her that she failed her exam that she dictated over the phone (wrong prof). New Minion also compliments Blair on her blog post ("The Blair Necessities," natch), which compared minions and fashion, and Blair wonders if the post also included a little something about turning to friends for help. Sure did! Dan wrote her blog post. Aw, he might just win me over yet. Took four years, but it’s possible.
Holy man, Ben has lost his shit. He collars Damien outside and evenly tells him that if he comes after the Bass van der Humphreys, Ben will have Damien killed. Seriously. Out loud like that and everything. Damien tries to brush it off, so Ben pulls out the dictionary: the dudes he used for the library beat down only stopped after 10 minutes (which is a really long time for a beat down) because he told them to. He won’t be giving the ex-cons he sends after Damien any such orders. And out in the street, Vanessa saw that whole thing and will use it. HATE her. HATE.
Chuck’s got fab patterns on patterns as Nate explains/lies that Raina figured out that he was supposed to be getting Chuck back into her good graces and bolted. Meanwhile, back at Empire, Raina explains that she’s spent a lifetime dating guys like Chuck and is ready to add someone like Nate to her list of firsts. See? You can’t not fall for Nate.
Chuck rings off to join his family for birthday cake, even sitting next to Rufus. It’s about damn time Chuck gets in on a family thing. Serena wonders if she saw Vanessa earlier or if she was having ether flashbacks (hee!), while Eric wonders if he saw Blair in two different shoes. Just then, Ben walks in with Damien’s cheque. He lies that he told Damien he wouldn’t co-operate with any attempt to press criminal charges against Lily. Lily thanks “Benjamin.” Never change, Lily.
Over in his office, Russell drinks and wonders how he got outplayed by a 20 year-old. Three words: “I’m Chuck Bass.” And in walks . . . Damien! Shit, Damien never stops! I love it. Damien tells Russell that if he’s got $100,000 and can keep a secret, Damien’s got some good intel for him.
Chez Waldorf, Ben and Serena finally have sex, while Vanessa buzzes Serena's phone. I assume she spent the intervening hours desperately trying to figure out who Ben and Damien were and how she can spin this to her advantage since she doesn't know either one of them and would have no reason to care about their interactions. She couldn't have heard. Also, Ben scares me.
Blair shows up at Dan’s because he really is her friend really. I can work with that. She admits that she got fired “slash quit” and failed a course because she took on too much. She did for the Chuck of it all, and now he seems further away than ever. Dan knows from pining, so he orders them some pizza.
Later, they’re watching The Philadelphia Story, and Tracy’s calling Macaulay in “intellectual snob.” I take comfort in the fact that Tracy doesn’t end up with Macaulay but her Chuck Bass since Dan and Blair end the episode curled up on the couch asleep together.
In other news:
Next time: Everyone finds out that about the Dan/Blair and Nate/Raina affairs, but only Chuck cares. Ed Westwick’s exquisitely expressive face looks devastated, so it can’t go well for Chuck. Also, Dr. VdDubs!
Daddy Warbucks' don't grow on trees! At least not a tree that grows in Brooklyn!
I love it when GG's on crack! Also, Raina must be a few years older than the rest of them, no? There's no indication that she's in school, nor any that she's a Doogie Howser-esque genius that graduated at 15, but I'm going to assume that her job requires a university degree, Daddy or no.