Gossip Girl Says We Find That Bitch and Get Us a Little Frontier Justice |
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| Written by April Yorke |
| Tuesday, 30 November 2010 15:13 |
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I accidentally missed the first ten minutes thanks to Carlos, the longest movie in the world, but I’m going to guess that they went a little something like this: Serena comes to in a cheap motel in Queens and dials 911. Everyone’s making their Thanksgiving plans, and then those plans are interrupted as one by one they find out that Serena’s been rushed to St. Margaret’s. Am I close? So when we come back, Nate’s sitting on his doorstep because Dan will run right over when he gets a text. And not even a booty text! Nope, Nate’s found out that Anne, who suddenly has a personality and that personality is icky, is in the process of divorcing the Captain. Dan tells him that there’s nothing Nate can do and that his parents were happier after the divorce. Dan then gets the call about Serena and boots it to the hospital, while Nate points out that as usual, Dan’s advice sucks. Heh. Lily, Rufus, Dan, Blair, Eric, and Chuck are playing the waiting game at the hospital. Ed Westwick’s exquisitely expressive face spends pretty much the entire episode pinched, so pained is he by being in Blair’s presence. That . . . breaks my heart. Everything that happened to them last episode, besides the part where they admitted that they in love now and forever and decided to go out in a blaze of glory, was just so stupid and contrived and nonsensical that I can’t believe they fell for it. ANYway, the doctor tells Lily and Rufus that the overdose hasn’t caused any permanent damage but was possibly a suicide attempt, given the mix of recreational drugs, alcohol, and anti-depressants. Everyone spends the next twenty minutes trying to figure out if Serena was on anti-depressants without anyone knowing* and if that therefore means that this was a cry for help. Dan and only Dan suspects foul play because he and Serena belong together or some such stupidity. Blair awesomely remarks that sometimes she forgets what a new addition Dan is to their brood, so only he doesn’t realize that this is just classic Serena. If Vanessa were a real person, I would want her to read that line, so she would see that other people can be accepted. Just not her. Because she sucks. *Can I just say that I highly doubt Serena would take anti-depressants (regularly, as implied) without a prescription? So all Chuck has to do is have one of his PIs confirm that Serena has had no such prescription filled and then poof goes the suicide theory. Right so, point is, with Serena’s overdose, including 911 call, hitting the news and news vans camped outside the hospital, Lily decides to have Suicidal Serena involuntarily committed to the Ostroff Centre. Lily sucks. Also, Rufus calls Jenny and tells her what’s going on, asking her to come back to the city to support the family. She does so immediately with real guilt. Jenny shows up to Juliet’s place and tells her that they went too far, as Serena ODed. Juliet tells her that they are not responsible for what Serena did after she left the party. Jenny insists on coming clean with her family and leaves, so Juliet calls up Vanessa, tells her about Serena, and warns her that they will forgive Jenny eventually (family) but never Vanessa (outsider). So Vanessa run right to Rufus and pins the entire thing on Jenny. Naturally, Rufus believes her. Nate tries to convince Anne to give the Captain a chance. She refuses. Ostroff Centre. Eric and Lily try to be lighthearted, Eric remarking that he thinks Serena got a bigger room than he did, but Serena is not having it. She points out that when Serena woke up in a strange motel, drugged and with no memory, Lily should have called the police not the men in white coats. Eric’s like, “We did this because we care. It took me a long time to come to terms with my suicide attempt.” Oh, Eric, not that long! Remember when you told Blair when she “outted” Serena’s Ostroff rehab? You were not in denial then. This is not that. Nate and Dan are sitting in the lobby. Nate will always care about Serena, but he’s checking out this time. Serena, he says, whether she realizes it or not, does these things to pull people back in. He’s not getting pulled in this time. And I get that he’s got a B plot on his plate, but that shit is cold, Nate. Mind, if you had any doubt that Serena was going to chose Dan, it must have been dispelled last ep when “Serena” kissed Nate, and he grabbed both her hands and passionately exhaled, “Oh, Serena, I’ve been through hell.” No declaration of emotion goes unpunished on this show. Especially not on by Nate. Nate’s off to visit his dad in prison. Upstairs in Serena’s room, Dan appears for a visit, and Serena snides, “Lily must be worried, busting out the big guns.” When it comes to judgment, Dan is indeed a big gun. Dan, however, tells Serena that he was not down with this involuntary commitment plan and asks what happened. I think this might be the first time that anyone actually asks that and cares about the answer. It makes me very sad. Serena says that the last thing she’s sure of is going to the party with the intention of kissing Dan because Dan is the one she wants. That is the mark of sanity, so Dan decides to bust her on out of there. Rufus and Jenny are out for a walk during which Rufus berates, refuses to believe, and eventually bans Jenny from the island. Wow, first Blair, then Dan, and now her dad? I officially feel sorry for Jenny Humphrey. Jenny walks off crying. Serena and Dan are grabbing a few things from the loft before they head out of town for a few days. Dan’s decided, in his professional capacity, that Serena doesn’t need help but a vacation. Serena would like that. They’re about to leave when Lily, Eric, and Blair show up, having learned of Serena’s escape. Serena and Lily fight about whether she should return to the Ostroff Centre, and it ends with Serena throwing down: “You can call whoever you want, but I’m not going back there unless it’s in a straitjacket.” She hides in Dan’s old room. Blair goes into talk to her while Dan points out that Lily refusing to engage with Serena in any meaningful way probably isn’t helping matters. Lily cries about how she didn’t hear her daughter’s cry for help, and Dan points out that no one did. I started out this scene annoyed with Dan, but he did make some sense, didn’t he? Point to Dan. Blair is extremely upset that Serena didn’t come to her, and Serena’s like, “You have betrayed me.” Blair’s bulimia gets its annual plug as Blair reminds Serena that Serena walked Blair to her every appointment and walked her home. Blair is only trying to show Serena the same support. Serena starts to explain, again, that she really didn’t do this, and it seems like Blair might be inclined to listen when they get a GG blast, straight from Juliet, with a photo of “Serena” too drunk to hold her head up amidst empty shot glasses doing a line of coke. And just like that, Serena’s going to rehab. Ugh. But not before kissing Dan. Double ugh. In the limo on the way home, because apparently Chuck was there, Blair is nervously babbling to Chuck about Brooklyn and Ostroff and Serena and whatever else pops into her head. You think Chuck’s going to reach over and take her hand to offer her some comfort, but he doesn’t. Instead, she takes his hand and adds that maybe she was wrong to call things off to her babble. Panged, Chuck withdraws his hand and says she was right. They need time apart to figure their shit out. He goes on to explain that trying to be friends is torture for them. Blair tries to counter that it isn’t torture for her but, in a really lovely grown up move, realizes that it’s torture for him and backs off. At the prison that sadly isn’t Sing-Sing, Nate’s waiting to go through security when Anne shows up. Nate’s a good kid, making him a sign that their marriage wasn’t all bad, so Anne is going to see the Captain. Meanwhile, Juliet tells Ben about her success, and what’s this? Ben’s cropped hair is brushed instead of short and spiky, meaning he’s about to undergo a personality change. Juliet crows about how she “got” Serena to drop out of Columbia (by text! Effing faux-Columbia), how everyone has turned against her, and how she OD-ed. Ben’s like, “Wait, what?” Juliet explains that she had to, just had to, drug Serena and abandon her in Queens because Serena is Teflon and otherwise the first two wouldn’t stick. Captain of the Dictionary Beatdown Squad is appalled that Juliet would dare do something to physically harm Serena, and suddenly fully evil Juliet leans in and spits that Ben should have told her where the line is before she lost her financial support, her apartment, Columbia, and Nate. I’m inclined to agree with the crazy lady. Juliet bounces, spies Nate sitting down for a prison Thanksgiving with Anne and the Captain, and throws about 8 crazy backwards glances before she finally drops her prison pass and leaves. Anne tells Nate that he was right: the Captain has changed. She’s going to give him another chance. She goes to the car while Nate signs out. The guard is only too happy to tell Nate that the Captain confided in him that having Anne by his side would go a long way in his upcoming parole hearing. So, Captain’s up to his old tricks. Poor, poor Nate. Wouldn’t it be nice if something ever went well for Nate? Over their untouched Thanksgiving dinner, Lily worries about her parenting skills. She should. Rufus honestly says to her, “We both know parenting can only go so far.” That’s all you need to understand Rufus. “My daughter’s homeless as a direct result of my poor parenting? Well, it can only get you so far.” Rufus suggests that they pack up their food and surprise Serena with a picnic, and Lily agrees to go after she runs an errand. An errand that includes dropping off Juliet’s now monthly hush money to keep Ben and Serena’s affair out of the papers. Because that reflects poorly on Serena and not Ben at all. Fuck that. Rufus, Eric, Lily, and Serena chow down at the Ostroff Centre. Lily earns back Serena’s trust a wee bit by promising to support her and giving her diner fries. Blair sends Chuck a pumpkin pie with a note about how they are friends even if they can’t be friends right now. Ed Westwick’s exquisitely expressive face smiles like he loves the way Blair can still surprise him. I try not to cry the special tears I reserve for Chuck and Blair’s relationship. Chez Waldorf. Jenny shows up with the mask she retrieved from the trash at Juliet’s abandoned apartment. She lays out that she, Vanessa, and Juliet were responsible for all the shit Serena pulled at the party, providing the mask as evidence. Blair mildly wonders why she should believe Jenny, but you can tell she already does. Jenny points out that she has nothing to gain by this confession. She further posits that Juliet may be directly responsible for Serena’s OD. Blair asks if Jenny can stick around for a takedown, which is the closest Jenny will ever get to an apology from Blair, never mind a full-on affirmation like the headband coronation of yore. Jenny declines, citing her ability to cause death and destruction, and banishes herself forevermore. Blair almost calls Chuck with this news but thinks twice and shows up at the never-locked loft. She tells Dan that he may have been right, and Juliet was responsible for what happened to Serena. Dan tries to pretend that he and Blair haven’t before teamed up to take down a girl who hurts Serena, but it last about all of two seconds before Blair says, “What'd ya say we find that bitch and get us a little frontier justice?” Aw, yeah. In other news:
Next time: Dan and Blair are on a road trip (Dan knows how to drive? That seems so unlikely) to get to the bottom of Juliet’s evil, which invokes Damien Daalgard and the story of Ben and Serena and who knows what all. Blood, probably.
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Comments (3)
Thanks, JC!
The blogs are indeed rushed and therefore less rigorously edited than articles. If you notice any other typos, you can report them directly to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it '> This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
I love this show despite its logical black hole
I mean, really. Ben fully expects Juliet to sacrifice every aspect of her life to his revenge plan, and delivers a prison beat down to Nate's Dad to make that point, but omg, do not drug Serena, that's just mean? I buy Juliet's rising crazy way more than Ben's diminishing crazy. |
| Last Updated on Wednesday, 01 December 2010 04:29 |
So it turns out that I never recapped “The Witches of Bushwick,” which is just as well, as that episode’s dire stupidity and retrogressive sexual politics were too much for me. I hated a lot of that episode. Props to last night’s Gossip Girl, “Gaslit,” for helping to somewhat restore my faith in the show. 
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