Supernatural: A Tale of Two Sams |
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| Written by April Yorke |
| Sunday, 05 December 2010 18:10 |
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Iridium Does an Alpha Bad Crowley’s chained to a chair, being interrogating by . . . Soulless Sammy and Dean? Nope, Crowley. Seems he bagged himself an alpha. Alpha Shifter doesn’t know where purgatory is and doesn’t care if Crowley flays a nursery of his children to get the information he doesn’t have. Though iridium (not silver) works on him, even that’s not getting Crowley anywhere. So Crowley chops the alpha’s head off with a machete. Bye, Alpha! Lucifer-loyalists in League Against Crowley After the Supernatural glass smashes in our faces, Soulless Sammy and Dean are handing over a rougarou to two of Crowley’s top men, I’m sure. Dean starts bitching about how when they first started working for Demons, Inc. Crowley gave them all sorts of personal attention and coaching, and now he just feels so alone out there with these middlemen between them. One of the demons feels as I do: he calls Dean a “little bitch.” Heh. Dean looks positively gobsmacked. Hee! I know I shouldn’t laugh, but sometimes it’s good for Dean to be on the receiving end of these things. Back at the abandoned house they’re crashing in, Dean announces that he’s done working for Crowley. Soulless Sammy’s trying to calm him down, but he can barely get a word in edgewise while Dean complains that despite all the monsters they’ve handed over, “The only that’s changed is that I need a daily rape shower.” Sorry, I missed the rest of the scene because my ears are ringing from rage. Wow, that is not a word you just throw around, Brett Matthews. This kind of thing has happened maybe a handful of times during the show’s run, but, when they take Dean too far, they go so far over the line I’m not sure I want him to come back. Soulless Sammy doesn’t just walk over and smack his brother across the face, but he does point out that they don’t have a Plan B. Because Dean’s itching for a fight at this point, he switches gears to wondering if Sam even wants his soul back, and, when that doesn’t take (Sam: I’m working for Crowley), Dean switches to pointing out that unreliable demons aren’t likely to hold up their end of any bargain. Naturally, that’s when Sam disappears but not because he’s had enough of Dean’s shit. Because Meg and her three demon minions are there to knock them out and tie them to chairs. Meg wants to know where to find Crowley and grows increasingly agitated when the Brothers Winchester have nothing to share. For Dean, it’s getting scarier by the minute, but Soulless Sammy cracks up because he’s a super-genius now. He’s figured out that Meg and her little band of three are on the run from Crowley as “Lucifer-loyalists,” so she needs to find and kill him first. Sam offers a deal: they’ll find Crowley together, Meg tortures him into giving up some unspecified intel (Sam’s soul’s for the uninitiated), and then Meg can kill him all she wants. Dean’s eyes bug out, but he says nothing. Meg agrees and leaves them to wiggle out of their restraints but not before the shaved-headed demon makes a point of giving our boys the “I’ve got my eye on you” eye. Freed, Dean bitches Sam out for working with a demon (Sam: We’re working with demons now). Soulless Sammy insists that they will have the upper hand, which is when we cut to . . . Soulless Sammy outside, trying to get Castiel’s attention. Nothing’s working, so he starts describing a gold box last found by Nazis, and one of them got their face melted off when he opened it. Castiel immediately appears and demands the location of the Ark of the Covenant, and Soulless Sammy calls Castiel an “idiot” for not recognizing the plot of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Dick. Castiel once again points out that being at war is a time suck, but Soulless Sammy is unsympathetic. Furthermore, Castiel owes him. For saving the world, I guess. Soulless Sammy’s not there to hug it out with Castiel, though. He demands help, and Castiel refuses, so Soulless Sammy threatens to kill him. Castiel turns to stone: “Will you, boy? How?” I love Castiel. Soulless Sammy’s got, like, a foot on him, and he’s still like, “I’m the big man on campus.” Soulless Sammy, however, will not be put off. He doesn’t know, but he never sleeps, so he’s got nothing but time to figure it out. There must be a way, then, because Castiel lights up a spell to find Crowley. Too bad that wherever he is, it’s hidden from Castiel. Dean says that they’ll have to try this the hard way, which is apparently breaking into Grandpa Sam’s office and searching it for intel. They get nowhere before he catches them. I’m Starting to Think the Winchesters Were Better People Than the Campbells Here’s a newsflash: Grandpa’s a douchebag. Seems Grandpa’s not interested in helping his grandsons because Crowley’s promised to restore Mary. Dean tries to warn him off, but Grandpa won’t have it. Dean offers to “figure something else out.” Grandpa kicks them out. Okay, slow it down. How can anyone bring Mary back? Bring her back from where? I’m still not sold on the idea that Crowley pulled Grandpa down, and now you want us to believe that he can restore Mary from . . . nothingness? I mean, she died, then she sacrificed herself to save Sam in the old house, then Zechariah did . . . something. I’m very confused about the essence of Mary now. Also, Grandpa sucks. Back at the abandoned house, you might think that Castiel is having his mind blown by Raiders, but you’d be wrong. “It’s very complex. If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhaps she’s done something wrong.” Oh, dear. I don’t think I like where this is going. Dean, because he’s never had any friends, tells Castiel that guys don’t sit around watching and discussing porn together. Poor friendless, mistaken Dean. And then Dean acts aggrieved over Castiel’s boner. Fortunately that’s when Grandpa comes a-knockin’. Bless. He’s there to offer the location of Crowley’s Alphaville because “that’s what Mary would want.” He tries to warn them off and refuses to come with them. Thanks, Grandpa. Outside, Meg and her boys are waiting. The boys won’t just give up the location, though. Soulless Sammy quickly ganks the demon who gave them the eye with Ruby’s demon-killing knife, making them an even three-on-three. Now for a completely pointless shot of Soulless Sammy taking a gun out of the Metallicar’s trunk. It’s like the opposite of Chekhov’s gun: the soundtrack goes insane over the significance of this moment, and we never see the gun again. It better not be like that grenade on Walking Dead. Back inside, Castiel is “ambivalent” about getting Soulless Sammy’s soul back. Why? Because it’s been trapped in the cage with Michael and Lucifer for over a year. From his point of view, there is no doubt that they are taking out their rage and frustration on Sam’s soul, so even if they do manage to stuff it back in there, Sam could end up paralyzed or catatonic or vegetative. If he’s lucky. Wait, what? Soulless Sammy and Sam‘s soul have separate consciousnesses? Because Soulless Sammy is clearly aware of his actions and their consequences even if he doesn’t care about them, and he’s clearly not aware of any pain his soul may be in. Is his soul aware of Soulless Sammy? What a metaphysical can of worms. Also, maybe Michael and Lucifer are locked in eternal battle like Captain America and Red Skull in the dimensional machine, and Sam’s just chillin’ in the corner. Or maybe he’s revived the Super Special Puppy Dog Eyes, and he’s now their therapist. Hee! Also, what is Soulless Sammy at this point? Dean, at least, acts like he’s not a real boy without his soul, whereas Castiel is now expressing a desire to protect this Sam. Effety eff, this makes no sense. So anyway, Delusional Dean clings to the following to beliefs: 1) that Castiel can’t even be sure that Sam’s soul is all fucked up (to which a mean person such as I would respond, “’Cause you came back okay?” And that was from regular Hell) and 2) that Castiel will fix Sam if he doesn’t. Castiel doesn’t think he can but agrees to keep the peace only to follow it up with, “Or we fail, and Sam suffers horrifically.” Naturally, Soulless Sammy heard all of this. Wastin’ Away Again in Alphaville Alphaville. It’s unsecure because, obvs, it’s a trap. Thanks, Grandpa! Hellhounds take out Meg’s two demon friends before they can slam some doors and lay down a quick line of salt for good measure. Meg tries release the demon from the meat suit, but a spell keeps her locked inside her host body. Soulless Sammy’s about to hand over the demon-killing knife to Meg for her to keep the dogs out, but she opts to surprise Castiel with a kiss, distracting him while she pulls out his scimitar instead. Oh, here we go. Castiel grabs and gives her a much sexier, longer lasting kiss, which he learned from the pizza man. Sure, we can Chekhov’s gun that shit, but an actual gun? No way. Soulless Sammy, Dean, and Castiel head down a dark stairwell until Grandpa slams his hand into his angel-disappearing sigil. Bastard. Crowley has Sam and Dean locked away before he kills them, like all stupid Bond villains before him. Goodbye, Crowley! What, you know how that’s going to end. Meg kills all the hellhounds, only for the meat suit formerly known as one of the Campbell cousins shows up. He sets to torturing her on the same rack we once saw Ruby tortured, complete with leather straps to cover the lady bits. Gross. In their adjoining cells, Soulless Sammy and Dean don’t get a chance to come up with an escape plan before Grandpa shows up to explain himself to Dean again, somemore. Die in a fire, Grandpa. Dean feels the same way. Grandpa tells Dean that he chose Sam over his mother, which still doesn’t make sense and also Sam is tangible whereas Mary is abstractly potential and also never going to happen. Grandpa is hereby invited to shut up, but he doesn’t listen to me. Then Grandpa says some nasty shit about he doesn’t know what Sam is and that Dean is a stranger to him (so much for that hug, you lying bastard!). Now you’ve done it. Dean goes cold: “I’ll tell you who I am. I’m the guy you never want to see again. ‘Cause I’ll make it out of here, trust me. The next time you see me, I’ll be there to kill you.” Aw, yeah, that’s some good old fashioned Dean Winchester right there. He’ll piss me off again before episode’s end, so I’m going to enjoy this moment. Grandpa at least has the decency to act like maybe he should be scared. The henchdemons from the top of the episode come and haul Dean off, so Soulless Sammy hunkers down in his cell, pulls up his sleeve, and bites into his forearm. He’s turned into one of those freaky vamps from Daybreakers! Dean’s tossed into some room filled with sausage links entrails and dismembered bits, followed by two other dudes. Dean: “Alright, alright, Shawshank’s a great flick, but let’s skip the shower scene.” 1) I think you’re confused with American History X, and 2) RAPE IS NOT A PUNCHLINE. Not cool, Brett Matthews. Since these two don’t beat Dean’s ass speedily, I’m going to guess they are rougarous instead of vampires. When the henchdemons come for Soulless Sammy, they get caught in the devil’s trap he painted with his blood on the ceiling (badass!). Sam rescues Dean from getting eaten, awesomely, by ripping a pipe off the wall, knocking one rougarou’s head clean off, and stabbing the other through the heart. I’ll say it again: if loving Soulless Sammy is wrong, I don’t want to be right. Some more gross rape stuff I won’t dignify with a recap, then Dean rescues Meg by ganking torture demon cousin. Moving right along. Crowley’s walking around enjoying Glenlivet and generally being awesome, but his torture’s going to have to wait because the fire alarm’s gone off. Soulless Sammy uses his pipe (hee!) to beat Crowley into the devil’s trap spray painted on the ceiling, and Meg gives him a nice bit of psychic torture for Sam’s sake. Turns out that Crowley can’t get Sam’s soul back. Crowley’s also certain that Sam’s soul is in terrible condition, so Sam hands Crowley over to Meg. Unfortunately, Crowley grabs the knife and uses it to break the trap. He telekinetically pins Sam and Dean to the walls while preparing to kill Meg, and that’s when Castiel comes back. Hurray! Too bad Castiel brought Crowley’s bones with him. Crowley, survivor first, is all ready to wheel and deal, but he still can’t get Sam’s soul. Castiel unceremoniously burns Crowley’s bones. Goodbye, Crowley! You will be missed. Meg disappears before the boys can kill her, and then Dean says, “I was going to kill her, too. [to Castiel] Of course, I would have given you an hour with her first.” Oh, goody. Dean’s dead to me again. That shit is fucked up, Matthews. Rape jokes are always fucked up, and three in one episode is especially fucked up. Yes, yes, they could well have had consensual sex, but that’s neither the implication here nor for the three of them to determine for her. Angst by the Bayou: Alphaville Edition Dean thanks Castiel. Dean thanks Castiel? What kind of crazy upside down world is this? Castiel admits that he’s not winning the war in Heaven and starts to express regret that he’s not down on Earth with the Winchesters more. Dean: “There’s no need for apologies. We’re your friends.” What did I just hear? Am I imagining things? Dean, you make him apologize for being at war every damn time you see him. If any apologies are needed, you should be apologizing to him! Ugh, it’s just like when they were all, “All you have to do is ask, Bobby.” Castiel promises Sam that they’ll find another way to get his soul back (aw!), but Soulless Sammy sends him off to deal with the inmates of Alphaville. Sadly, he does not burn this mother to the ground. Dean promises that they’ll figure something else out re: Sam’s soul, but Soulless Sammy is done. His soul will smash him to bits, and they’ll die trying to get it back. Dean thinks he’s wrong, but Sam just walks away. In other news:
Next time: Who knows? No preview or photos up yet on CW’s website, no description on IMDb. Some stuff. Monsters. Sam and Dean fight and make sad faces.
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Comments (2)
Didn't you...
want Mary to come back and whoop her father's ass just for the sake of it? I mean I agree, I think she's nothingness - which you think Dean would have shared as further proof that she can't come back when arguing with his ass hat of a grandfather. But how stupid is Grandpa? Does he really think his daughter would want her sons sacrificed at her expense? Does he really think that if he somehow suceeded, that she would ever forgive him for that? |
On the one hand, “Caged Heat” is a perfectly acceptable episode of Supernatural. Given the season we’ve had so far, I would happy to let perfectly acceptable see me through the season. On the other hand, it raises a couple of confusing questions. Metaphysical ones, to be sure, given Soulless Sammy, but also other, less spiritual questions like, “Can someone wash Dean’s mouth out with soap?”
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