True Blood: I Suppose We Better Try Something
|Written by April Yorke|
|Monday, 18 July 2011 18:35|
Last night’s True Blood, “I’m Alive and on Fire,” was something of a letdown after three weeks of AMAZING. It naturally had to be (how could you keep that up?), though it was still disappointing when not much happened (and doubly disappointing to crash to black at 9:50 exactly). We did, however, get to further experience the tragedy of Bill Compton, gain some insight into our embittered witch friend, and watch one of the horrible denizens of Hot Shot die. Plus, there was a Wet Torso Contest, so I guess it’s not all bad.
I Will Slay All the Sea Monsters
No sooner has Claudine gone up in a cloud of faerie dust than Sookie is insistent that Eric get back to his cubby, lest the fae be lurking about. Puppy Eric is apparently more interested in keeling over. Just when I think he’s on his very own trip to Fairy Land, he sort of snores and wiggles his arms around and gets back up, blood all over his face because blood never washes. He slurs that he wants more and keeps approaching Sookie long after she tells him to quit it. He flicks back her side pony tail (guess he’s a right biter). As he comes in for the bite, Sookie whisper-yells, “Don’t, Eric, you’ll kill me.” Puppy Eric’s head snaps back. Wounded, he explains that he could never hurt Sookie. The fangs retract. Relieved, Sookie tries to lead him to the cubby, but Eric’s not having it. He keeps pinching her butt (“beautiful butt,” he clarifies) and running away at vamp-speed. Finally, Sookie gets it, “Eric, you’re drunk.” Drunkety drunk drunk drunk would be more accurate, but I guess that’s close enough. Drunky Eric is like, “Duh, Snooki.” Despite dawn approaching, he’s upping grab ass to tag. “Chase me,” he implores, taking off at vamp-speed. Sookie chases him into the credits.
I’m the kind to sit up in his room/Heart sick an’ eyes filled up with gloom.
Daylight. Alcide’s banging on the door of Northman-Stackhouse Shack, demanding to know where Sookie’s at. Where she’s at is coming around the side of the house with a giant red quilt in her arms. She was just checking out back one last time. Alcide’s already in the know that this particular favour is of the “find Drunky Eric” variety, but he’s a little confused about the vampires-in-sunshine thing. He’s disrobing while this conversation is occurring and has to stop and admonish Sookie to turn around just before he completes pulling his pants down. Sookie whirls and flusters that she wasn’t paying attention (to the conversation!) while Wolf Alcide runs out from behind her.
It seems that Sookie has excellent lungs, as she’s been chasing after Wolf Alcide while filling him in on the fairy blood situation. Wolf Alcide stops by the river bank and stares into a sunny spot. Now I don’t know what Sookie thinks he’s doing, but, whatever it is, she does not have time for it. Wolf Alcide just keep staring and staring until: Drunky Eric leaps out of the water. Drunky Eric is skinny dipping. No, it’s okay if you need a minute with that. Enjoy. Right, so Eric pops out of the water and is like, “Girl, where you been? Let’s go skinny dipping together!” Just pure joy on his face. I kid you not, he even suggests that they play Ægir and Rán. Wow. That’s just . . . wow. Sookie is not coming in that gator-infested water, but Eric assures her that he will slay all the sea monsters and starts calling out to the krokodiler (I assume because alligator is either the same word in Swedish or doesn’t have a Swedish translation). Alcide morphs back into his gorgeous, naked self, “He has changed.” Eric immediately pops fang and yells, "Get the fuck away from her!” in response to this threat (Sookie chillin’ with a wolf, however, totally normal). Alcide yells that Sookie wants him there, and they both start yelling about how they are going to fight/kill each other. Naked? Yes, please! My viewing companion notes that the vampire gets to have chest hair while the wolf does not. They both get to growling. Sookie admonishes Alcide to "stop making that noise,” and Eric to get out of the sun already. No sooner has Eric started to whine that he’s never getting out of the sun than he starts to smoke. He takes a step toward the bamboo (?) lined bank. "My blood is boiling,” he notes as Sookie wades out to wrap the quilt around him. I wonder if Adele made that quilt. "I don’t want to go back to the dark,” he moans quietly. "I want . . .,” he trails off, glancing over his shoulder mournfully while Sookie pulls him deeper in shade. They both -- and this is very sweet -- encourage Eric to run really fast back to the house. "We’ll be right behind you,” Sookie promises. Eric blurs away, followed by Wolf Alcide, and lastly Sookie.
Down in his cubby, a saddened Eric is not interested in lying down and going to sleep no matter what Sookie says. He’s still wrapped in that quilt, though. Sookie decides to check out how bad Eric’s burn is (it looked like a nuclear sunburn there for a minute but has pretty much disappeared at this point). As she pulls back to quilt from his shoulders to peak down, Eric leans forward and takes a big whiff of her neck, almost unconsciously. Like she’s irresistible. Sookie seems to remember who she’s with -- memories or no -- and backs off. He has to go to sleep or else he’ll "start bleeding all over the place.” "I know what the bleeds are, Sookie,” Eric replies petulantly. "Great, then you can clean it up yourself because I am not your maid.” Sookie’s attitude makes Puppy Eric smile just the weeiest bit, so Sookie turns to leave. As soon as her hand hits the first rung, we hear, "Stay with me?” Eric’s puppy-eyeing her, and it’s pretty damn difficult to resist in its own right. Except for Alcide, of course, who’s listening upstairs and quietly blowing a gasket. Sookie kindly but firmly explains that she has to go because she has human things to take care of.
Topside, Alcide does not like Eric Northman living with Sookie, not one bit. Sookie tells him to "hush,” points to the armoire, and leads Alcide out to the front porch for this discussion. Oh, Eric will never hear you there! Also, neither Eric nor Sookie is wearing shoes at this point. Forgive me for generalizing, but, as a Canadian, I’ve long marvelled at Americans wearing their shoes inside the house (not their winter shoes or their muddy boots, but otherwise, generally). To me, this is the ultimate sign that they are both home. Anyway, Alcide’s like, "I see you are fixin’ to get murdered yet again,” and Sookie’s like, "Only temporarily, and so you are with Debbie Pelt.” And Alcide’s like, "Come again,” so Sookie fully goes, "You are living with an addict and attempted murderer, and you don’t hear me judgin’.” Oh, no, Sookie, Alcide would never hear that! Alcide asks if that’s how it is. That is how it is not. They hug it out and agree to be "friends.” Alcide is there for Sookie when she needs him, which will be in approximately three seconds. Eric has been pensively listening in to all of this.
Okay, so I lied when I said all the torsoes were wet. But I still see no cause for complaints.
Heavy is the Head
Bill’s at Fangtasia, armed guards at every post, demanding to know where Eric is. Pam swears that she doesn’t know what happened to him. Bill reminds her that lying to the King is treason, and Pam is all too aware of that. She all but accuses Bill of setting Eric up. Bill brushes that off, saying that he understands how loyal and faithful and loving Pam is to her Maker, but there’s still Protocol, and she needs to follow it. Fingers crossed behind her back, she says that she will call when she hears from Eric. It’s still Pam, though, so she needs to get in her digs: "You like the way it fits, don’t you?” Bill turns, waiting for the punchline. "The Crown.” She manages to say the word like it’s got 8 extra meanings we don’t know about, and I shudder a little for King Bill. Bill reminds Pam to call him, and she sarcastically calls him "sire.” Bill’s like the Rodney Dangerfield of vampires.
Bill’s explaining this whole witch-sitch to Nan Flanagan, who means business ’cause she’s wearing a leather blazer and has her hair up. I know that the show puts these little details in to cue the audience, but I love the idea that Nan has cultivated these various facades. Nan is appalled at Bill’s lack of judgement, sending Eric Northman of all vampires after wiccans. The disgust in her voice is tremendous. Bill invokes the Spanish massacre, but Nan explains that away as one witch with a good reason to hate vampires. Points to ponder. She reminds him that the last time they got their backs up about witches, they incited the Salem Witch Trials. Bill’s basic point that necromancy should not be ignored falls on deaf ears. No matter what, no human blood shall be spilled to resolve this crisis. Bill’s like, "But!” Nan’s heard enough. She tells him that she can’t go to the Authority with this shit and, as a warning, asks him how many retired kings he knows. As she walks out, Bill petulantly calls out, "I was just keeping you informed!” Also, at some point Nan references Russell Edginton, as she is constitutionally required, and we’re given to understand that either Bill is really uncomfortable with overseeing executions or he’s very careful to make sure that they all meet the letter of the law or both. Bill strikes me as a very letter of the law man, so much so that he’s likely to miss the spirit of the law.
Next night, Bill’s at the Bellefleur Plantation, waiting to meet Portia’s grandma. It’s a pantomime of the scene from Season 1 when he met Adele, only without all the cellos and the bad hair and the FEELINGS. Andy is playing the role of Jason. Just to be clear = Andy lives with his grandmother, who is Mona from Who’s the Boss? So Mona is chiding "Andrew” for not having mastered the art of polite conversation, and, even though Bill totally got a kick out of drolly referring to the Sheriff as "Andrew” mere seconds earlier (and who can blame him, given that Andy’s accused him of murder bi-weekly since Bill returned to Bon Temps), Bill steps up and explains that the kabuki they’re engaged in is antithetical to a man of the law, who requires a more direct approach. Aw. Even though he’s just trying to impress everyone (although, why? Didn’t he and Portia just agree to be fuck buddies?), part of Bill really believes that. Mona’s going through the family history and calling for whiskey, and Bill registers a sour note when the last name Bellefleur shifts to Harris. If it all possible, he gets even paler. He quietly assures Mona that he didn’t know. Mona believes him but insists that nothing can happen. Bill agrees and bolts, while Mona heads to bed, leaving a confused Portia in her wake.
But Portia does not sit around feeling confused, and that is why I already love her. She throws open the front door and informs Bill that she is a lawyer and a terrier and will not let this go until she finds out the truth. The truth! So Bill screws his courage to the sticking place. He turns back and explains that Sarah Harris was née Compton. Wilfully oblivious, Portia replies, "So?” Bill spells it out: Sarah was his daughter, making Portia his great-great-great-great granddaughter. Fuck, incest? Nothing ever goes right for Bill.
Over at the Northman-Stackhouse Shack, Sookie’s climbing down into Eric’s cubby. Puppy Eric is melancholy: lying in his bed and staring off into space. He’s still shirtless, though he’s found himself another pair of shorts (shorts!). Sookie tells him that it’s not like him to be so quiet, but, being as how "like him” became a relative term about 48 hours ago, this IS as like him as anything else. So Sookie tries to explain what “Real Eric” is like. “I am real,” Eric snaps, and, wow, it must be hard to hear all this different competing stuff about who you were when who you are now is just as real to you as anything else. Sookie amends “Real Eric” to “Eric with his memories,” and explains him thusly: “He’s a rascal and a troublemaker, and most of the time I want to slap the smile right off of his face, but he’s a happy vampire.” That’s . . . awfully generous of you, Sook. Turns out Eric’s fairly heartbroken in realizing that he’ll never again swim in the sun again, or feel its warmth, or see its light in Sookie’s hair. Perhaps even more heartbreaking is the idea that this Eric is somewhere deep down inside all the time. Sookie starts to tell him he still has “the stars in the sky,” but Eric’s not having it: “I’m not a child.” This does, however, get Eric to sit up, so Sookie takes a seat next to him on the bed. Finally, she quietly remarks that she wishes she knew what to say to make him feel better. Sensing an opportunity, Eric promises to be happy in exchange for a kiss. Still a rascal, then. He gives her a side eye to see if she’s falling for it. Oh, Eric. She always falls for your ruses. She says no, and I don’t want to get into a no means yes place, but she’s kind of giggling when she says it, and Eric knows he’s got room to press his point. “Why not?” he asks, leaning into her. “It’s only one kiss.” Sookie’s pretty pink mouth is open and waiting and practically singing REO Speedwagon, but Eric can ignore the cellos no longer: “Someone’s at the door.” I recall their last kiss and how Eric made those 18 different in love faces and how I worried that it boded ill. Then he put her on his donkey wheel. Eric’s wooing technique leaves something to be desired.
Bill. Oh, man, Bill. Sookie pushes her way out the door and past Bill, who accepts this but does not let it deter him from his goal. After happily confirming that they both look good because they are, he sadly turns his attention to the reason for his visit: Eric. Sookie claims he’s gone. Bill’s like, “Oh, really,” and Sookie, like a manipulative jackass, says that she thought that was down to Bill, “I thought you came through for me.” Even Bill has to smile a little at that, the latest in a seemingly endless series of tiny razor cuts that life has to offer. Bill’s people have searched Eric’s farm in Ørland, his apartment in Paris (such a cliché) (that I would like to experience), and his plantation in Barbados. The only property left that Eric owns is this house. Sookie is insistent that she doesn’t want mercenaries with muddy boots mucking up her clean house, so Bill smiles softly and says it will be just him, then. Sookie uses her side step to cut him off at the door, and even Bill’s basically like, “What are you hiding, Miss Obvious?” Sookie goes full throttle to protect Eric. As far as she is concerned, this is still her house, and Bill still needs her permission to get in. Bill physically picks Sookie up and moves her out of his way. “When have I ever lied to you?” WAY below the belt, Sookie. Not only do you fundamentally misunderstand Bill to think that he would do this to Eric (if he wanted Eric dead, he’d kill him), but you are way out of line. Despite having opened the door, Bill stops just short of entering the house. “You’re right,” he acquiesces. Sookie fixes Bill with the best “you’ve betrayed me yet again” glare she can muster as Bill takes his leave. I never thought I’d say this, especially in this direction, but fuck off, Sookie.
My viewing companion wonders if we’ll ever get the backstory on Bill and Eric. “Do you think they fucked?” she muses. “Oh, absolutely,” I reply. I, in turn, wonder if Eric is a butch bottom. We agree that it’s probable.
The Bitch of Eastwick
Marnie’s having a hard time sleeping. In her dreams, she watches the younger witch get burned at the stake. That is not good. In her waking hours, Lafayette, Jesus, and Tara are there for a spell, but Marnie doesn’t see how she can reverse another witch’s spell when she doesn’t even know who that witch is. Point to Marnie. Lafayette doesn’t give a flying fuck since he knows that neither will Pam and Eric come the day, which means death. And before the sweet release of death, plenty of torture. “And rape,” Tara adds, in case we forgot that Ms. Thornton has Got Issues. That last convinces Marnie that they “better try something.” After searching all the books she has on hand, the spirits finally throw her a bone in form of a book flying off a shelf and opening up to a memory restoring spell. Dude, does that work on just anyone? Like absent minded people? Because that would be useful as fuck. ANYway, the trio meets Pam at some circle in the woods (perhaps the one where Holly took Arlene many moons ago) and makes to restore Eric’s memory sans Eric, but the spirit of the Bitch of Eastwick takes Marnie over once again. She casts a spell to make beautiful Pam look like the corpse bride. Pam runs off screaming while Bitch-Marnie cackles, then collapses.
Horrible Hot Shot
The writers attempt to make us feel sorry for the ladies of Hot Shot by reminding us that their lives are tough, but they are still rapists, so I don’t care. Jason escapes horrible Hot Shot, kills Felton (YES!), and develops a serious crush on Angel-Vampire Jessica when she finds him on the side of the road and feeds him her blood. Nothing else of note happens except that Crystal and her tits (HBO!) tells Jason that he won’t be able to stop himself from turning under the full moon, confirming the suggestion of such from last season. Otherwise, I continue hate this plot.
In other news:
Next time: Jesus and Lafayette head off to Mexico, Pam takes to the veil, Bill takes necromancy awfully seriously, Alcide runs into trouble, and Spectral Godric encourages Puppy Eric to do something that Godric would never encourage him to do. Fucking witches.
I say it every time
But dog fighting is the worst way to make money with that power. Why would a person/dog be any better at dog fighting than a regular dog? They should use it to break into people's houses to steal stuff! Got an alarm system? I'm a literal fly on the wall watching you punch in the code! Much less dangerous. I mean, of course they are, but damn the Mickens' are stupid.
“And rape,” Tara adds, in case we forgot that Ms. Thornton has Got Issues
We could really jettison about 7 storylines here and still have a really full show. See you later, Hot Shot, the Mickens, Arlene's dumb satan baby, Tara (and her EEEEEGGGGGGSSSS/Franklin baggage) and many more.
|Last Updated on Monday, 18 July 2011 23:31|