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True Blood: The Ultimate Vampire Fantasy

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Written by April Yorke   
Monday, 30 August 2010 12:38

ArleneSo much deliciousness in last night's True Blood entry, "Fresh Blood:" Yvetta's revenge, Jessica and Hoyt, Andy's confession, younger Arlene. Lots of action down at Fangtasia, and, of course, Eric does have a plan. One that Godric would like, I think.

Bill is a Third Grade Teacher, and Sookie is a Real Estate Agent

Bill busts into Fangtasia, demanding Sookie and Eric, so of course Pam's just in the midst of dropping a little something down her cleavage. Bill's like, "Ah am older and stronger and just drank a fairy, so piss off," and Pam's like, "That's not part of the plan," so they fight. Bill is winning, so that's when Pam whips out her little something from down her cleavage: a spray bottle of water and silver, vampire pepper spray if you will. Bill sets to wailing.

Yvetta's lovely Estonian mind reaches Sookie before she does, and she's hit the "fuck the authority" level as far as Pam and Eric are concerned. She frees Sookie, who promptly grabs some silver chains from the torture cupboard and heads up the stairs. There is something so delicate about the way Sookie picks up chains. I love Anna Paquin for that. Anyway, Sookie chokes Pam and passes off the chains to Yvetta, while she questions Pam about why she ended up on the torture wheel. A gift for Russell Edgington, she learns.

Sookie and Bill are driving back to Bon Temps while, as always, discussing their relationship. Bill tries to keep his jealously under control while he questions why Sookie would go to Eric, and eventually he gets her to admit that it isn't just the blood binding Eric and Sookie together. Eric's reaction to Godric's suicide sealed the bond between them, as Sookie is now most likely the only person to have seen Eric with his guard down. I've known people who have only seen that episode and still cried when Godric saluted the sun. It changed everything. Anyway, Bill's like, "We'll start over," and Sookie's like, "How is that even possible," so Bill pretty much says that they'll try wicked hard. Sookie seems into it for a minute but quickly passes over into fantasy. Bill's crestfallen but gives over into fantasy, too. He's a third grade teacher who loves his job, and Sookie's a rich real estate agent. They've never even heard of Eric Northman.

Meanwhile at some art gallery with a dead guard between them, Eric shows up to find Russell and Talbot's remains in front of a giant canvas that Talbot adores adored. I'm surprised Russell didn't swipe it for him. I can't tell what it is, only that it's abundantly green and sunny, which is fitting for what's too come. Russell wants to know why Eric did this to Talbot and is disappointed to learn that Eric was out to avenge his human family. Love Denis O'Hare in this role. He makes Eric's 1000 year-old revenge quest sound like a petulant teenager's diary entry. Anyway, Eric's like, "We're even," and Russell's like, "Not nearly," so Eric plays his trump card. He's got a way to make Russell a daywalker, invincible so he can take over the world or whatever: the ultimate vampire fantasy. Russell agrees to wait to kill Eric tomorrow pending the success of the daywalk.

After a phone call from Pam noting that Sookie escaped, Eric and Russell fly into Sookie's car's path and highjack the lovers. Is Eric driving Sookie's wee car when they arrive at Fangtasia? Amazing! I wonder how he even fit in there. Outside, Eric and Bill have a real fight for fake, and then Eric's like, "I have a plan." Anyway, Pam and Eric share a tender moment that makes me love Pam Bauer and Alexander Skarsgård that a little more (he even gives her a kiss on the forehead!). Pretty soon, Russell's all, "Shut the front door," in response to Sookie being a fairy, but he's willing to accept her hybrid status is real on one condition: Eric goes first. Eric twitches a little at this one but agrees. Sookie's like, "Bill, do something," not understanding that being chained up makes it awfully hard for Bill to do anything. He's pretty much like, "This tragic end was unavoidable, Sookie," and she's like, "I hate you both." Bill realizes that thinking real hard at Sookie isn't going to work and opens his mouth to tell her that it's all a ruse, marking two seasons ending (or nearly ending) with two men making a plan that involves Sookie and not telling her, but Sookie's too busy making hateful eyes at everyone. Finally, Russell's had enough. He grabs Sookie's arm and sinks his fangs in. Eric casts one last look at Bill before he grabs Sookie's neck and does likewise.

Next thing we know, Sookie's lying unconscious on the table while Eric takes a tour in the sunlight outside Fangtasia. There's hate speech on the walls, and the parking lot looks industrial, dirty, sad, the sunlight harsh. It's nothing like the beautiful forest where Bill had his walk in the sun. Eric goes out first, carefully reaching his long hand out from under the awning, then marveling while walking out into the sun. He waves on the security cameras, beckoning Russell out. When he turns his back, he's started to smoke. "Don't let them see," he chants in Swedish. Russell and Pam are tearfully watching. "I feel like a child," Russell remarks, surprised at his own excitement. Pam encourages him to go out and enjoy the day. Unlike everyone else on the show, Pam's a credible liar, so Russell walks on out there. Once there, he only gets a few seconds to soak up the rays before he gets a load of Eric's blistered face and brown hair (brown!). Eric, however, cuffs Russell and drags him to the ground. They'll go out together. Eric's in a rockstar pose, while Russell's writhing on all fours like a dog. Modern English's "I'll melt with you" cues up in my mind but not on the soundtrack.

In the meantime, Bill's all, "Fucking untie me, so Ah can save Sookie!" but Pam's too busy crying while watching Eric's demise to pay attention. I never quite took to this revenge plot (it's all about softening Eric up to make him a credible love interest for Sookie, but he never needed it. Godric established that in a handful of scenes over two episodes), but Skarsgård has done amazing work with it.

Mama Didn't Approve of Me, But We Were Close

I think I understood more about Arlene with that line than I have in the last three seasons. Holly performs a ritual and follows it up with tea for Arlene to drink three times a day for up to five days to terminate her pregnancy. Holly warns Arlene that if the spirit is meant to be born, it will be. In a dream, a younger Arlene is fishing, her mama calling in the distance. Carrie Preston is a beautiful woman while Arlene Fowler always looks like hot shit, so it's extra striking to see Arlene young and soft and with a better hair cut. Her mama's voice turns into Terry's, so we never see what's on the end of that line. Terry's waking Arlene up because she's sleeping in a puddle of blood in her white nightie and white bedding. Arlene is a terrible liar, so she's pretty much like, "Oh, well! Some things aren't mean to be!" at the idea that she's had a miscarriage. Terry is, as you can imagine, devastated. Later at the hospital, they find out that Arlene didn't miscarry after all, so now it's her turn to be devastated. Terry is overjoyed. I love the Bellefleurs.

Tara and Sam, 2gether 4eva

Tara cries some at Eggs's barely marked grave, then comes in to Merlotte's to tell Andy that she knows the truth. At first it seems like a scary calm has come over her, this knowledge giving her power, but it's diffused when Andy owns up to it and tells the full truth: that Maryann is responsible, that Eggs was determined to die but Jason couldn't have known that, that he'll spend the rest of his life wishing he could have handled the situation differently, better, and save Eggs. I wish I had written the entire thing down, as it was great work from Chris Bauer, and the second best Bellefleur monologue of the season (Terry's "normal people" remark to Sam takes the prize). Instead of getting closure, Tara is only heartbroken by the complicated nature of truth.

Meanwhile, Sam's going around being drunk and mean to everyone, giving Terry shit for being shell shocked (yes, he's the one acting out his previous trauma on everyone) and pissing off Arlene and Holly so much that they up and leave. Sam tries to get Tommy to wait tables, who agrees but refuses the note pad. I'm starting to wonder why Sam is so concerned with finishing out the night at Merlotte's when he doesn't want anyone around him. Too drunk to see the illiteracy flag waving in his face and pushed over the edge by Tommy's observation that Sam is just "Joe Lee in a Sam suit," Sam lights into Tommy about how much he doesn't want Tommy in his life. Tommy makes an about face, apologizing and picking up the notepad, and I make an about face on Tommy's character. Damn, that moment breaks your heart. Tommy's out, even though he has no place to go, and Sam finally closes the place down, kicking everyone out. Tara's still sitting at the bar drinking Patron and continues doing so after Sam's empty of vitriol. Sam observes that he is a doormat because everyone thinks he's so nice, and Tara's remarks that she's the opposite: no one leans on her because no one wants her mean-spirited ass around. Sam claims that, in point of fact, he is as mean as Tara, so they go off to fuck at his place. Make it work, you two! In the meantime, Tommy disarms Sam's alarm system, maybe to steal, maybe, maybe (I hope) to show that he can but doesn't, so Sam can stop being such a dick.

In other news:

  • Jessica tells Hoyt about the trucker she killed and how she drinks human blood now, and he responds by taking off his hoodie. Jessica's bite looks painful at first, but things turn sexy shortly thereafter.
  • The reason Summer was so Maxine up in Hoyt's grill? Because Maxine put her up to it, and she's not accepting Hoyt's no for an answer.
  • Jason is initially wigged that Crystal is a werepanther but gets over it after he realizes that Kitch (that's his name! Surely a Friday Night Lights reference?) is on a subsidized and approved V-diet. Since everything is wrong, loving Crystal must be right. She still wants to stop the non-existent DEA raid on Hot Shot.
  • Jesus wants to do some more V with Lafayette, who sends Jesus home when Jesus's face morphs into a scary demon complete with jaguar noises. Later that night, Lala wakes up to find all his idols, including the scary voodoo doll that we saw Jesus's grandfather making last episode, alive and begging him to come play. 
  • Yvetta was a cardiologist back in Estonia, a hoary old joke that falls flat but somehow still endears me to her.
  • Pam may have finally killed Ginger. Bye, Ginger! She gets in one last scream.
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Last Updated on Monday, 30 August 2010 07:02
 

April Yorke is a (Cult)ure Magazine contributor since Wednesday, 07 January 2009.

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