Feminism: The New Face of Sexual Fulfillment

In our society, sexual fulfillment and feminism aren't seen as anywhere near synonymous. Instead, images of sports heroes, Playboy bunnies and the corporate male type with money, good hair and a hot car come to mind as those who are having "great sex" -- and a lot of it. People who, in other words, are sexually fulfilled.

Feminists, on the other hand, are plagued by many ugly mainstream myths that prevent them from ever being considered sexual beings to be envied. Among these myths, feminists are either seen as 1) lesbians (as in, all feminists are lesbians and all lesbians are feminists); 2) man-haters; or 3) uptight, anti-porn crusading prudes. Debunking these myths not only challenges ubiquitous, flawed thinking about feminists, but it helps prove that feminists, indeed, "do it better," as the popular feminist saying goes.

Feminists = Lesbians

Whether someone identifies as lesbian, gay, straight, bi, queer, questioning, two-spirited, transgender, cisgender, or otherwise, is completely one's prerogative. Society as a whole should be respectful and inclusive of all of the wonderful ways we can live our lives. Before any progressives start shouting that taking issue with the "feminists = lesbians" myth is homophobic, it needs to be stated that the notion that feminists = lesbians isn't bad, per se. It is, however, inaccurate. It is also a myth that is probably rooted in homophobia.

First, it's simply wrong to suggest that all feminists are lesbians and all lesbians are feminists. One need not equal the other. Sure, there are many feminists who may identify as lesbians and many lesbians who may identify feminists, but there are obviously a lot of feminists who aren't lesbians and vice versa. As mentioned above, the misconception that all feminists are lesbians is likely rooted in homophobia because this myth has been used to discredit feminists. After all, it wasn't until the early 1970s that homosexuality was declassified as a mental disorder by the American Psychiatric Association. So for the majority of the 20th century, labelling feminists as lesbians was just a different way of saying feminists were crazy.

The feminists = lesbians myth has also contributed to the idea that feminists aren't sexual dynamos because in the heterosexist society we live in, people generally still have a hard time wrapping their heads around how lesbians actually have sex. With the assumption that feminists are lesbians and the assumption that lesbians can't have "real sex" with the absence of a penis, it's not surprising that feminists are popularly portrayed as frigid or unsexual. But that couldn't be more wrong.

By and large, lesbian feminists' sexual behaviour isn't influenced by the pervasive penis-centric heterosexist norms in our society that largely equate penetrative penis-vaginal sex as "real sex." When a penis is not part of the equation, lesbians and women having sex with women simply can't think of it as the main ingredient for sexual activity. In the vanilla world, they would be labelled "creative." This creativity extends to the non-lesbian feminists, too. In this century, feminism (especially among the younger generation) is queer-positive. That is, feminists recognize that patriarchal systems also serve to oppress the GLBTTQQ population and therefore advocate and support their fight for rights and inclusion. Feminists don't view "non-traditional" ways of having sex as weird or abnormal. Therefore, feminists might be that much more inclined to explore different ways of giving and getting sexual pleasure. It doesn't get much sexier than that.

Feminists = Man-haters

Whether they're seen as lesbian or heterosexual, widespread stereotypes characterize feminists as man-haters. Think of Saved by the Bell's Jessie Spano - she was heterosexual, dating sports stud A.C. Slater, and she was a self-identified feminist. Throughout the series, this character was portrayed as constantly attacking her partner for being a "chauvinist pig."

Would you date her?  Didn't think so.

The idea that feminists are man-haters scares people off from identifying as feminists. As Toronto Star columnist Antonia Zerbisias says, "many young women reject the F-word because it's been stigmatized as representing a hairy-legs-and-Birkenstocks pack of man-haters." But the label "man-hater" is an enormous misconception. While there may be a small group of extremely radicalized feminists out there who would probably fit that term, that is NOT representative of feminism or feminists in their diverse forms. Sure, some feminists might identify as lesbians and/or enter sexual relationships with only women but that doesn't mean they're man-haters (just like you wouldn't commonly label men who identify as gay and/or have sex with men as "woman-haters").

When considering feminists in heterosexual relationships, recent research published in the journal Sex Roles by Laurie Rudman and Julie Phel from Rutgers University in the U.S. shows that feminists have healthier relationships. In fact, "men with feminist partners also reported both more stable relationships and greater sexual satisfaction." Imagine that.

As freelance writer Jill Filipovic comments on the study, "It's not complicated to figure out why feminists would have more fulfilling relationships and better sex lives. [ . . .] When you think that sex is a mutually pleasurable event where both partners should be comfortable and fully satisfied and neither should feel guilty or mistreated, you're going to have better sex."

Feminists = Uptight, anti-porn crusading prudes

Another reason why feminism and sex don't usually go together is the common belief that feminists are anti-pornography (and therefore, uptight prudes). There are historical reasons as to why this myth persists. In the early 1980s, some prominent feminists, such as Andrea Dworkin and Catharine MacKinnon, were actively leading a high-profile anti-pornography movement.

At the time, this work is seen to have caused a rift in the feminist movement since many other feminists opposed anti-pornography feminism.

Today, third wave feminists have largely distanced themselves from the anti-pornography feminists of the second wave, even though there'll probably always remain opposing viewpoints on pornography and other types of erotic imagery. As Alison Lee says of third wave feminists in "The New Face of Porn," "Younger feminists were taking a broader view of sex and sexuality, including a more open attitude toward porn. Third-wave feminists were more concerned with fighting for sex workers' rights than condemning pornography as a whole."

Porn, like sexuality, is complex. The Dworkins and MacKinnons of the feminist movement had legitimate reasons to believe the mainstream pornography industry was harmful to women since much of it relies on the objectification of women for the purpose of getting men off. Furthermore, many women involved in the industry have experienced physical or sexual abuse or poverty in their lives, which complicates any discussion on how "free" women are to choose this kind of work. But porn, like sex, isn't fundamentally bad or harmful. Rather, exploitation, coercion, unsafe working conditions, and violence or the promotion of violence is bad. Nonetheless, the anti-porn movement's failure was that it didn't, as Lee states, "take into account that sexual imagery can be positive, and that porn is sometimes created by people acting of their free will, who feel good about what they do and who hold pleasure in high esteem."

Feminism Does It Better

Feminism, in principle, is designed to enable people to lead sexually fulfilling lives, if they so choose. Feminism is open, non-judgemental and sex positive; shame is not a word in a feminist's lexicon. Whether someone chooses to be with one partner or many; vanilla or kink; feminism celebrates choices. So, say goodbye to those malignant myths about feminism and get acquainted with feminism today -- the new face of sexual fulfillment.

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