Sexual Awakening: Venus Envy Workshop

Do you ever feel like everyone in the entire world is having hot sex except for you? Every time I turn around, there seems to be yet another reminder that a life without great sex is a life unfulfilled. We all have those friends, the ones who feel the need to recount every single x-rated detail of their sexual prowls to us. The ones who dangle the amazing sex life you wish you were having right in front of your nose. We’ve all picked up those magazines that promise us sexual delight; you know the ones, “5 Easy Steps to Orgasm”, or “10 Naughty Tips for the Bedroom”. We read these ridiculously repetitive articles in the hopes that by completing seemingly simple steps we will achieve the kind of satisfaction we have only ever heard or read about. All this pressure to have incredible sex can get a little annoying, but most of the time it just leaves us feeling frustrated and inadequate.

A friend of mine recently revealed to me her desire to try something new in the bedroom. When I asked her why she hadn’t yet attempted this new fancy trick, she confessed that she was too scared to try. I wasn’t really sure what she meant by that. Too scared to share with her boyfriend her desire to move beyond the missionary position? Too scared that it wouldn’t work out? Too scared that she would fail?

The question is, how many of us out there are wishing we were having hotter sex but not really doing anything about it? I myself have been known to fall into this trap,saying that I would attempt something new but never actually following through with it. So in my attempt to “do” and not just “say”, I decided to go beyond my own sexual limits and see what was out there that could help transform my fantasies into  reality.

Photo by Adam Meaney

I figured, what the hell, I could stand to be a little more talkative in the bedroom, something I usually only feel comfortable doing with at least a little bit of alcohol in me. And anytime I thought about dancing erotically for my boyfriend the mental image always resembled something like Britney Spears’ disastrous performance at the VMA’s.

I came to the class prepared to learn the skills that I would need to surprise and excite my lover for a few hours of passion, but what I gained went far beyond that. Taught in a warm atmosphere by local dance instructor Tracey Kornblum and Venus Envy employee Nadine Thornhill, to an eclectic mix of participants, the workshop provided a detailed rundown of possible costumes, props and dance moves that would be sure to entice whomever you set your sights on. More importantly, however, the workshop showed me how to feel more sexually confident and more comfortable with myself no matter what the situation. As Tracy reminded us, it is always important to get outside of your comfort zone, while staying within your safety zone.

After the class, some of the participants stayed behind to chat and browse through the merchandise (we got 10% off, which was amazing). I ended up conversing with a girl around my age who told me that signing up for the class fulfilled her own personal mantra of trying one thing each day that scares her.

Her fearless attitude inspired me to realize that the most valuable lesson I could learn wasn’t necessarily how to entice my lover, but a more personal lesson: not to be afraid to take a chance on myself. I learned not to be so hard on myself when it comes to matters of sex, and to concentrate on having fun and trying something new, even if it doesn’t end up as the exact fantasy I had envisioned.

The truth is that we cannot and should notcompare ourselves to others because, in the end, what might be considered “mind-blowing” to one person may simply be “ordinary” for someone else. What I might find “sexy” might be taken as “offensive” to others.  And who knows, that friend that we continuously find ourselves trying to live up to may be just as envious of some other couple that they have deemed to be “out of this world hot”. In the end, all we can ever do is try to live up to ourselves.  Like my fellow erotic dancing participant said, “Do one thing each day that scares you.” Not jumping-off-of-a-building-kind-of-scary, but just scary enough that you can look back and say, “See I did it, and it wasn’t so bad, in fact…it was kind of hot.”

Now I feel more confident when it comes to my body, my heart and my sex life.
No more frustration, no more inadequacy.

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