If every episode of Season 6 were like "Weekend at Bobby's," I'd want to see the show go on for another six seasons. Too bad it looks like things will be more like last night's Supernatural, "Live Free or Twihard." It's a solid premise, and it goes pretty well at first: Pretty young vampires are using teen girls' Twilight fantasies to lure them out. Robert and Kristen meet twice at some club set up exclusively for these fantasies, repeating dialogue and scene-lets directly from the movies. Robert's even doing a credible Robert Pattinson. I am highly amused by the whole thing, including how massively stupid Kristen is. Soon enough, he's got her down a dark alley and those fangs he pointed to were real. Whoops! Bye, Kristen!

As monster of the week sets ups go, it's excellent. Even after that, as sleuthing begins, it's a pretty good episode. Whereas Dean calls Bobby when they need intel, Sam leans on and takes his marching orders from Grandpa Samuel. He thinks six missing girls and a jacked blood donor truck means serious business.  The camera, btw, spends about one hundred hours making sure you understand that this is a blood delivery truck. My viewing companion wonders why they need the blood bags if they've got the fresh stuff, and I reply, "Making babies," which I then further clarify as "for newborn vampires."

The Winchesters lie to some highly uninterested and never seen again dad to gain access to Kristen's hilarious goth room, littered with vampire romance novels and cardboard cutouts and bad poetry. The show doesn't even bother showing us which lie the boys used to get in the door. They crack Kristen's laptop and hit the bar where she met Robert, pegging two guys as possible vamps. Sam cruises one into a basement storage room and slices off his head. We sigh, remembering how awesome it was when he sliced Gordon's head off with razor wire. Dean learns that his young squire is just trying to get laid and remarks, "I'll be damned," when he learns that putting glitter on really can help you get laid. Since we've all seen Buffy, we know what saying, "I'll be damned," in a dark alley means. Vampired! Yup, the big guy Robert handed Kristen off to in the opening appears, calls Dean pretty, beats him up, and forces blood down his throat while Sam watches with an evil little smirk on his face.

Wait, what?

Oh, what the bloody hell is wrong with Sam? Is this not Sam? What if it's not and he's still down there while this jackass is topside? Fuckety fuck.

So Not(?)Sam runs up and is all, "Aw, sucks, he got away," and Dean's all, "I would like to draw your attention to the fact that I am now a vampire due to my inability to close my mouth when people wipe their bloody forearms all over my face."

Back at their hotel, Not(?)Sam's apparently called Grandpa Samuel. Dean would like Grandps to decapitate him since Sammy isn't going to do it, and he's barely had time to note that Sam's heart is as steady as a metronome when he should be freaking out when the bloodlust gets to be a little much for Dean. He makes his escape out the bathroom window.

Back at Lisa's, who's expecting him after a horny little phone call between the two earlier in the episode, he's watching her sleep in a recreation of the book cover he earlier pronounced "rapey." He tries to be like, "I'm dying; it's been real," but Lisa keeps pressing and Dean starts freaking out about his work/life balance issues and how maybe he's going to drain her dry. He manages to run but only into sleepy Ben who gets slammed into a wall for his troubles. Dean disappears into the night from whence he came while Lisa and Ben . . . I don't know. We don't see them again for the rest of the episode.

Back at the hotel (I can't tell what the implication is here geographically since it's still the same night), Grandpa's berating Sam for letting Dean get away when Dean appears from the shadows, takes off his coat, and is like, "Let's get this over with." Grandpa's like, "Um, I'm here to cure you? So calm down?" Indeed, great-great-grandpa outlined a cure in his vampire diary, and, while no one's tried it awhile, it's worth a shot. The two Sams can get all the ingredients but one: the blood of Dean's maker. Dean is all about using his vampire abilities to track that bastard down: he can smell him two miles outside of town. Everyone will meet there. Grandpa warns Dean that if he feeds, the cure won't work.

At the vampire den, Dean's pretty much like, "So, I'm a vampire, too?" and everyone's down with that. Robert munches a blood bag while telling Dean that the word from on high is that they don't kill anymore. He also lets Dean know he was chosen because of the pretty: it's how they lure the girls in. When we get into the vampire den proper, the sex slave ring metaphor isn't lost on anyone, right down to the IVs of blood they feed the girls in cages. It's horrifying. Anyway, main vampire dude who I don't think had a name, is like, "I'm 600, and Stephenie Meyer is my hero!" He explains the sex slave ring vampire den, and Dean's pretty much like, "That's deeply gross, so thanks for sharing." He's all ready to drop his maker with a needleful of dead man's blood when a drip hitting the floor catches everyone's attention. Dean's getting his ass handed to him a second time a whispering voice drops everyone around him and, eventually, him.

When he comes to, everyone's slowly getting up and making their escape with help from Nameless Vamp. Dean attacks, Nameless Vamp disappears, and everyone scatters. Dean goes all Oldboy on a hallway of vamps. Despite some questionable graphics, it's pretty cool. Soon enough it's only Dean and his maker. Which is why we cut to . . .

Wait, what? If there's one thing we want to see, it's Dean go head-to-head with a worthy adversary. Effing show. Yes, by all means, let's go have a talk with Grandpa and Sam. Grandpa's basically like, "I told you about the cure months ago, bozzo, so stop acting surprised. Did you do this to Dean intentionally to get a man instead and track down the alpha?" Sam's like, "Wasn't me." When Grandpa pushes, Sam's like, "What are you accusing me of?" Since Sam's bigger and stronger and maybe still the devil for all we know, Grandpa lets it drop. Whatever Sam's up to, even mean old Grandpa isn't in on it.

At the den, Grandpa and Sam slay a vampire or two on their way in. I laugh at them from trying to be sneaky around creatures with super-hearing. Inside, Grandpa surveys the carnage and notes, "Maybe he has some Campbell in him after all." Sam does not immediately tell Grandpa to go fuck himself like I did, so I conclude that this is not Sam. But seriously, go fuck yourself, old guy. I am loathe to give Sucky John credit for anything, but the only thing he ever did in his life was raise them to be hunters. They are damn good ones, and I doubt that in your glory days did you have half the badass reputation they have with the underworld. ANYway, Dean's sitting on a chair about ten feet from his maker's body with his maker's head under his boot. See what I mean? That would have been awesome to watch!

Back at the hotel, Grandpa mixes up some chunky looking red stuff in a mason jar and oddly pours it into a striking white mug for Dean to drink. Sam starts interrogating Dean about the nest, and Dean says that he can't hear Sam over his blood, but he means, "Are you for real? I'm trying very hard not to be as vampire here. Priorities!" Grandpa warns Dean it's a bad trip. Is it worse than being infected by a fear demon, Grandps? Damn, that was good episode minus the road hauling. "L'Chayim," Dean salutes, raising his mug, and okay, heh. I'll give you that one, show. Pretty soon he's barfing into a giant tin tub instead of the toilet, and it's bloody then just black. I'm so glad you showed us this instead of Dean taking down his maker, show. Thanks. All this vomiting and trippin' blood does have a purpose, though: Dean backtracks through his short second life and sees Not(?)Sam's evil little smirk. Human again, Dean looks spent. I advise him to go take a shower.

Next morning, Dean emerges from the bathroom looking like his fabulous self again. Sam starts interrogating him about the nest and Dean maybe-lies about how he's still processing things but gives up that the whispered voice is actually a psychic connection between the vampires and their alpha. The alpha told them "recruitment drive" because he's raising up an army. What's worse is that they are no longer afraid of hunters. Grandpa takes off to no doubt go report this fact back to his boss, while Dean attempts to call Lisa and gets as far as, "Lisa, ahh" before her voicemail's time limit cuts him off. It's so short that Lisa must think voicemail is for suckers. Also, because this show has no investment in Lisa as a character, we don't see this from her point of view. Did she intentionally not answer? Genuinely miss the call? Miss the call but then decide not to call back?

Sam appears and asks if Dean got through to Lisa, but you can tell he's just asking 'cause he thinks that's what he should do and not because he cares. Good work, Padalecki. Dean decides to play Sam a little, being all, "You've always got my back, right, Sammy?" And Sam lies right to his face that he always does.

UPDATED: Sam's lack of interest in Dean's well being reminded me of Sam's phone message for his dad way back in "Faith," specifically this:

Hey, Dad. It's Sam. Uh, you probably won't even get this, but, uh, it's Dean. He's sick, and uh... the doctors say there's nothing they can do. Um. But, uh, they don't know the things we know, right? Um. So, don't worry, cause, uh, I'm gonna do whatever it takes to get him better. All right. Just wanted you to know.

Gosh darn it, I'm practically teary all over again! Back then I didn't think this show was anything more than a genre show/MotW, and I love 1) that I was proven wrong and 2) how much Sam and Dean mean(t?) to each other. No matter how much I feel like this season is a masquerade, I think what's wrong with Sam is enough of a draw for me from week to week.

In other news:

• The musical cues in this episode are horrendously out of place for the show, and hearing the closing credits music only makes that more obvious.
• I'm still not sure I care about this whole alpha plot.
• Great news: at some point during the filming of the episode or during reshoots, Sam got a haircut. Someday, we will be freed from the wings.
• "He's a werewolf. [beat] Why would you even know that?"
• "I'm Pattinsoning!"
• I miss the set designers that came up with that genius trompe d'oeil in "Dream a Little Dream of Me," all the hilarious motels over the seasons, and the town destroyed by Croatoan in "The End." All the motels so far this season look the same.

Next time: Dean gets infected with a truth virus that makes him be honest with Sam about how he feels about Sam's return from Hell. The CW's website tries to make me think that this somehow involves Castiel, but I doubt it.