How I Met Your Mother and the New Rules to Dating

As someone in the younger half of the twenty-something demographic, I have never read “The Rules”, though I have frequently heard them referenced in television shows, movies and various rom/com books. From what I can gather, these rules are general guidelines, for women in romantic situations, geared towards landing a hubby. They apparently include oversimplified generalizations, such as “play hard to get” and “be a creature unlike any other,” and, from what I understand, they are sentimental, optimistic and lack a firm grip on modern reality.

CBS’s How I Met Your Mother may provide an antidote to such vague, generalized rules. The protagonist Barney’s outrageous and frequently misogynistic rules for dating provoke some interesting questions for viewers. The top rules Barney has reverently proclaimed and fought for over the past three seasons provide a troublingly honest and realistic portrait of the modern dating scene. A culture that supports the ridiculous pick-up lines that Barney frequently employs is a very different place than the one the writers of “The Rules” were envisioning.

If further proof is needed that this culture is not just the envisioned paradise of some Hollywood sitcom, one only has to glance at Comedy Central’s new line-up. Canadian television has produced Barney, The Game Show, with Keys to the VIP, in which contestants use games and tricks that even the legendary Casanova of CBS would envy.

In light of this treacherous new dating scene, where the guys are actively joining in the games, a new set of rules is required, and, as devious as Barney’s seem, a certain element of truth rings from the bell, even if it is after 2 am. Barney’s precepts of living and dating just might provide a roadmap to the potholes so often faced in today’s dating scene.

Rule One: the Crazy/Hot Rule

This rule emerges from the episode, “How I Met Everyone Else”, in which Ted’s new love interest is introduced to the gang. In the episode, Barney draws up a map that charts the acceptable ratio of craziness to hotness. Barney believes a girl can be crazy as long as she is equally hot; so the crazier the girl, the hotter she must be, in compensation, in order to be acceptable dating material. Failing to achieve the proper ratio will land you on the wrong side of the “Vickie Mendoza Diagonal”, named after a former flame who wreaked havoc on Barney’s theory with her weight fluctuations and erratic behaviour.

Although Barney’s rule seems extreme and ridiculous at first, it actually deserves further thought. In the quest for a romantic other, do we not routinely overlook undesirable behaviour because of basic attraction? Unfortunately, the attraction never lasts, for the aversion to crazy will eventually win out. We could all save ourselves a lot of effort and pain if we had a hard and fast rule regarding the level at which crazy becomes too much to bear. If we acknowledge a direct relationship between our physical attraction to someone and our willingness to overlook objectionable behaviour, then we might be able to avoid making dating mistakes based solely on looks. The attraction will fade, after all, but the crazy stays as strong as ever.

Rule Two: the Lemon Law

Barney introduced this rule during the first season episode, “The Duel.” This law is based upon the popular automobile law that, if your car repeatedly fails, it is a “lemon”, and you may be entitled to some refund. In his typically outrageous way, Barney alters this rule to fit with the dating world. He claims that you can tell within the first five minutes whether you are a good match with a blind date. If, within that period, you decide your date is a lemon, then you can leave and there should be no hurt feelings. This law grew so popular that by the end of the show, Barney himself got lemon-lawed. With typical arrogance, he merely lamented not calling it the “Barney Law”.

This rule, though seemingly harsh, actually makes a lot of sense. We have all been in situations in which it is immediately and obviously apparent that your best friend’s significant-other’s cousin, who has an alarming fascination with his dinner knife, is not quite as well suited for you as everyone assumed. In such cases of extreme incompatibility, is it not actually kinder to end the date then and there, so you both can go on to spend the night engaged in enjoyable pursuits, instead of indulging in stilted and forced small talk? If everyone would agree to live by this rule, and not get hurt by an abrupt five-minute date, it could truly save us all a lot of time, and let us reserve that awkward small talk for more appropriate moments.

Rule Three: the Platinum Rule

“The Platinum Rule”, perhaps the least controversial of the rules discussed here, comes from a Season Three episode of the same name. This rule (which tops Barney’s Golden Rule, “Love thy Neighbour”) is simply: “Never ever, ever love (insert smug face and obscene gesture) thy neighbour.” The rule covers the former and broken relationships of several of the show’s characters, including Robin and her ex-hockey flame, Lily and Marshall and their new neighbours, as well as Barney and Wendy the Waitress. Each character goes through the eight stages that Barney lays out (attraction, bargaining, submission, perks, tipping point, purgatory, confrontation and fall out) and each finally laments breaking the rule.

It is a rule that we all know, and we remind our friends of the dangerous potentials, and yet we all seem to have to learn it by ourselves through experience. After all, it is never smart to get romantically involved with those you have to see on a regular basis; chances are it’s not going to work, and then you will “kill the bar”. This rule doesn’t take as much justification, because it holds true with the cold logic we are able to apply to others.

These are just three of the many rules that Barney invents for dating safety, and, surprisingly, there is some much-needed honesty and a harsh realism to the smooth-talking womanizer’s approach to love. The love lives of How I Met Your Mother’s viewers just might improve if we all take Barney’s rules to heart!

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