In last night's episode of The Vampire Diaries, "Under Control," we were assured that with only three episodes left in the season, absolutely everything is headed for a catastrophic breaking point. Can't wait. Also, before we continue, still no sign of Bonnie, only a mention of Caroline. I get that these actors' contracts probably don't allow for them to be in every episode, but they should really work on that for next season.

Stefan's Still On the Juice

Apparently after last week's episode ending binge, Stefan quit human blood again cold turkey, which led to a work out montage with which I have no arguments. It's not so easy for Stefan to wean himself off, though: in a scene out of Twilight, during a sexy moment with Elena, he's overwhelmed with blood lust and sends himself flying into the furthest wall, breaking a lamp in the process. Later, he turns to drink to keep the edge off (parroting Damon from earlier in the season), which introduces us to Drunk Stefan. Paul Wesley, thank you for Drunk Stefan, as he is a sight to behold. It's quickly revealed that while Sober Stefan takes the Brandon Walsh approach to dance (he doesn't), Drunk Stefan is all about it, going so far as a compel the DJ at the latest Founder's Shenanbon to start up a dance party. Unfortunately, some rageholic flips when Elena bumps him during some too vigorous dancing, so Stefan compels him to apologize like he means it. Also unfortunately, this scene was too dark and at an odd angle such that I suspected that Rageoids was only faking being compelled and was mere moments away from outing Stefan to the Council. That didn't turn out to be the case, but Rageoids will get his chance after he decides to attack (!) Stefan in the parking lot, so embarrassed/annoyed (!!) is he at having to apologize. Stefan, who is fleeing the party after almost snacking on Kelly (more on that in the minute), breaks Rageoids' fist and considers helping himself to some sweet, sweet blood, but continues on his plan to flee the scene when Elena shows up looking for him. Later, completely tweaking, he confesses to Elena that this withdrawal is much worse than the last, and he's not certain she's safe with him. Elena decides that she is anyway (minus point, but plus point for mentioning that it's scary to just appear in someone's bedroom, so wash). But Damon's got to have the last word: after laying out all the trouble they're in, Damon deliberately leaves unattended a glass of sweet, sweet blood behind, and Stefan throws it down with style. Ah, damn. Love it. Also:

Damon: Do you want to the bad news or the really bad news?
Drunk Stefan: [pause] I don't want any news.

The Trouble They're In

They've got trouble on all sorts of fronts, including what's left of Pearl's coven (unseen this ep), but it mostly takes the form of David Anders (a.k.a Sark) as Johnathan Gilbert (Gilbert uncle) (btw, what is up with that spelling? Usually Jonathan doesn't take an H and John on its own does, right?). At first my viewing companion and I were worried that the intervening years had worn down his innate Sark-iness (not to mention the necessary absence of the fake British accent we all love) but have no fear: after he lets Damon know that he knows all about Damon's total vampire-ness, Damon decides to snap John's neck and send him over the balcony. Imagine Damon's surprise when John reappears to propose a toast at the party. Yup, Alaric and Damon quickly see that John's got the exact same ring as Alaric, but wait there's more: Alaric is wearing John's ring. John gave it to Isobel (does that mean he's Elena's father?) and got his current ring after his brother died. Gilbert Fraternal Order! Even more: John pointed Isobel in Damon's direction when she wanted someone to turn her. Yup, he knows about that, the tomb, the newly freed vamps, and Katherine Pierce. Right now he's keeping everything secret from the Founder's Council, but, if something should happen to him, it will all come out. That's the Sark swagger I was looking for. Also, he used to bang Jenna because who didn't?

Tyler the Werewolf

Under the full moon, a drunk Tyler and Kelly decide that making out will somehow help them come to terms with their Vicki-grief, but all it really helps them come to terms with is Matt's fists. Tyler quickly gets the upper hand and reduces Matt to a pulp before Alaric pulls him off. Mayor Lockwood takes Tyler aside and backhands him for "embarrassing" the family (I find your lack of parenting skills embarrassing, how 'bout that?), and I wonder how much the Mayor knows. Is it hereditary? Are they dosing him to keep the change down? Someday we'll deal with that, but first:

Jeremy Gilbert, Vampire Hunter

Ah, yeah: Jeremy's rightly suspicious of how a supposedly-ODed Vicki ended up buried in the woods and absolutely everyone snowing him with varying degrees of success (particularly not successful: Elena). Alaric shows Elena Jeremy's extra credit vampire paper, and Stefan encourages her to try to figure out what Jeremy knows. She tells him he's adopted and needles him a bit for info, but Jeremy's hides it well. When Elena slips up at the party, though, Jeremy's suspicious enough to ransack her room for her diary, and Elena keeps a very detailed diary indeed. It tells Jeremy all he needs to know about what happened to Vicki, including Elena's dark decision to use Damon to make him forget. What he does next with that information is anyone's guess (mine, obvs, is become a vampire hunter).

In other news:

• Alaric and Jenna are still circling each other.
• John enlightens the Council to the blood bank thefts and mysterious deaths that surely indicate that their vampire days are far from over.
• Matt's still hung up on Elena, but that's far from news.
• Kelly making out with Tyler was the final straw; Matt wants her out of the house and his life.

Next time: Mystical Falls beauty pageant, where Damon accompanies Elena rather than a strung out Stefan. Show, I'm not going to start caring about an Elena/Damon hook up until at least season three.