We are down to the last four (minus Romeo who was sent home last week), and the show promises a visit to the hospital for someone! Excitement abounds. I may have missed three of the four first dances this week…my bad! There is no excuse, but I have a bit of a crazy life at the moment. We are frankly lucky I still have cable tonight (and by “we”, I mean me).

Ralph Macchio and Karina: Due to the aforementioned craziness, I missed their first dance. I am the worst. Ralph seems to have healed from his injury last week, thank goodness. Their second dance is a salsa, and Karina looks so, so scary. She has gigantic hair and is wearing a skin-tight leopard print body suit that is open in the front, revealing a red bra. She looks incredibly trashy. So much so that I am barely noticing Ralph’s dancing. I guess it ok? He looks pretty trashy too, so it is hard to say. Len says there was no rhythm to the dance, which I agree with. The censors have to bleep Bruno, I think because he calls Karina a “pussy”- it does seem like he really meant as in “pussycat”, a term the Brits are known to use (Bruno is not British, but I don’t know!).  Carrie Ann liked the dance, but his technique wasn’t great. Scores are 8s from Bruno and Carrie Ann and a 7 from Len.

Kirstie Alley and Maks: Missed the first dance, but I did see that Kirstie is looking very slim these days. She (apparently) got three 9s for her first dance, which looked like some sort of waltz while on mute. The second dance is a paso doble. Kirstie is wearing a dumb headband and I am worried she is going to fall on this cape she is swinging around at the beginning of the dance. The paso is ok…Kirstie isn’t a terribly precise dancer, and I keep seeing where she is missing the beat on what are supposed to be powerful movements. At the end of the dance, she jumps up and bonks coconuts with Maks. The judges seem to only have praise for her, but I really thought she was off on a lot of it. 9s all around from the judges.

Before we get to the dancing tonight, we get a glimpse at the top 10 routines as voted by YOU! Well, probably not you, and not me, but you get the idea. I have only watched the show sporadically, and I am glad I missed this season with Donnie Osmond (or as I call him, Bippity Bosman) winning--that seems like some sort of mistake. His dance is YOUR 9th favorite. I remember the Shawn Johnson routine (#10), and it was pretty good...I like all the fun backflips (Shawn is that olympic gymnast). Wow...so many people I didn't know about. #8 through #4 are all people I have heard about only in passing or not at all. Apolo Anton Ono is the one that I do know, but I kind of wish I didn't. Eeks! Brooke Burke made an awkward joke about how one of her dances (she was on this dumb show before they made her a host), had better be in the top 3. It was awkward because Tom and I both know she is totally not joking about it. Yikes #3 is Ono again. People must love that soulpatch. #2 is the tango by Gilles Marini and Cheryl--this is one of the only dances I remember from the seasons that I have watched and I am glad to see it in here. It is super intense and Gilles is hot. 

And the moment no one has been waiting for...#1 is Drew Lachey and Cheryl, from season 2. I feel like Brooke Burke is going to cut a producer. This huge waste of 30 minutes just proves what we already knew...the best pros to get are Cheryl and Derek. They are both multiple winners and they really play to their partners' strengths while teaching them how to dance well.

Ok, it is 8:30 and we are finally getting to introducing the damn couples. I am totally skipping the first half hour next week.