So it turns out that I never recapped “The Witches of Bushwick,” which is just as well, as that episode’s dire stupidity and retrogressive sexual politics were too much for me. I hated  a lot of that episode. Props to last night’s Gossip Girl, “Gaslit,” for helping to somewhat restore my faith in the show.  

I accidentally missed the first ten minutes thanks to Carlos, the longest movie in the world, but I’m going to guess that they went a little something like this: Serena comes to in a cheap motel in Queens and dials 911. Everyone’s making their Thanksgiving plans, and then those plans are interrupted as one by one they find out that Serena’s been rushed to St. Margaret’s. Am I close?

So when we come back, Nate’s sitting on his doorstep because Dan will run right over when he gets a text. And not even a booty text! Nope, Nate’s found out that Anne, who suddenly has a personality and that personality is icky, is in the process of divorcing the Captain. Dan tells him that there’s nothing Nate can do and that his parents were happier after the divorce. Dan then gets the call about Serena and boots it to the hospital, while Nate points out that as usual, Dan’s advice sucks. Heh.