Last January, I reported seven film trends that defined 2008's cinema. The seventh was "vampires are everywhere." Guess what? 2009 was no less obsessed with vampires than 2008. Last night's People's Choice Awards saw seven statues go to vampires or vampire-related properties: Taylor Lautner for Breakout Actor, Twilight Saga for on-screen team and franchise, Twilight for movie*, Vampire Diaries for new TV drama, Supernatural for sci-fi/fantasy show, and True Blood for TV obsession. That last one fits so well it's almost a cliché: you don't watch True Blood. You gasp and yell, "Holy shit!" and get really pissed off if someone tries to call you between 9 and 10 on a Sunday night to interrupt your weekly heart attack. Naturally, Gossip Girl is the only point of comparison in the category.

*Not that New Moon can't fall into a hole for all I care, but Twilight came out in 2008. Why is it on the docket? I know I've become weirdly obsessed with Twilight as a direct result of my disappointment with New Moon, but surely not all the other "people" feel that way.  

Also on the vampire front, CBC put together this quiz, on which I received 10 out of 10 because I am vampire-obsessed or, as they put it, "You’re so badass, you have blood smoothies for breakfast."

I'm delighted to tell you that it didn't take all week to figure out how Vampire Diaries went from so-bad-it's-good to genuinely good. It was episode six, "Lost Girls." But first I had to slog my way through episode five, "You're Undead to Me." Okay, slog is a little harsh since the episode featured a car wash, which meant it featured lots of toned arms, but there's little of note except:

 

 

Thanks to Ed Westwick's exquisitely expressive face, pretty much any Chuck-centric episode is going to end with someone scraping me off the floor. In an episode that featured Dan confessing his feelings to Vanessa, a Jenny-Eric detente, possible adultery (by Lily), definite adultery (by Trip), a car accident, and a punch in the face,  you wouldn't think that there would even be time for Chuck Bass, but let me tell you something: if you think that, you really don't know Gossip Girl.

For Bart Bass found time to haunt darling Chuck, leading to Chuck making a face so chilling I actually shivered. How does he do that? Fortunately only Ghost-Bart was on the receiving end. Despite pretty much everything we saw in the run up to Bart's death, Ghost-Bart is even more cold and callous toward his son, informing him that loving Blair has made him soft and guarantees that he will never live up his father's memory. Chuck spends the episode making chilling faces, getting drunk, and pushing his family away. It would be terrifying if we didn't remember that GG's Thanksgiving truism (Serena fucks everything up) has a wonderful fall hiatus corollary: Serena fixes everything. In this case, by getting into a car accident. Chuck finally takes one of Blair's phone calls, abandons his plan to turn a homeless shelter into condos, and hurries to his sister's bedside. Sure, he has a breakdown at the hospital about his father's traffic-related death, and, sure, that leads us to a nighttime cemetery visit where we spy a woman with Westwickian cheekbones leaving yellow roses (Evelyn's fav) and a locket engraved 'E' with a photo of a young Bart. Will it turn out that Chuck's got an entire other family he doesn't even know about? I sure hope so! They can be friends with Lily and Rufus' son that they've already forgotten and whose name I can't remember. Scott. That's it.

Other glorious things that we can credit to Serena fixing everything yet again:

• Continuity! Once again, Dan runs to Blair first in a state of emergency.
• Because Blair's love of Serena is often maternal, she does the parent thing and comes to the hospital with her coat on over her housecoat.
• Dan confesses his feelings Vanessa, and she tells him that they're not real.  
• Nate punches Trip in the face, messing up his Kennedy hair sweep.
• Trip and Maureen might just go to Washington and stay there.
• Rufus finally gets the hint that he is useless and friendless, so he goes to talk to a woman he just met about how Lily may have cheated on him.

I'm not putting the Jenny-Eric detente on this list because I am going to delude myself that it's all part of a larger, even more evil plan of Eric's. Plus, you know, Jenny's a drug dealer now.

Obviously, no one in their right mind. But dear Serena never had a right mind to begin with, so naturally she told Trip they needed to stay away from each other, made out with him in a elevator, apologized to his wife for causing trouble, managed to get the upper hand on her mom, and eventually ran off with Trip in a limo while wearing a cat suit with black lace down the middle so that her ample cleavage got enough air. Because if there's one thing Serena does at Thanksgiving, it's fuck everything up.

All of this, plus the following:

• Dan confirms that CeCe's heart runs on "secrets and gin," giving viewers new life goals.
• Dan realizes that he does indeed love Vanessa, so Gabriella (the formidable Gina Torres) decides to try her hand at parenting for the first time and tells him to stay way if he's unwilling to commit to something serious. Hilariously, how her daughter might feel about Dan is never a consideration for either of them.
• Eric's full out evil involves texts like, "We have to strike now" and eating a big bite of pie. Enjoying desserts on holidays is like enjoying the fruits of the Devil every other night of the year.
• Chuck tries to mend the current Waldorf rift by selling Blair out to Eleanor, explaining that he bought that particular champagne because Blair told him to. Both ladies studiously ignore him. 
• Chuck also advises Nate to tell Serena how he feels, threatens Serena and Trip, calls Nate out on stealing from him, and eventually ditches Blair (and sweater shopping with Harold and Roman!) for a heartbroken Nate. Aw, Nathaniel is his true love.
• The new Empire-based Bass Cave has a motorcycle is decoration. That's even better than Logan's suit of armour.

For yes, indeed, yet another episode ends with a heartbroken Nate. Poor guy confessed his feelings to Serena and begged her to stay, but, as mention, she drove off with Trip instead. While it will doubtless turn out next week that Trip is crazy and Nate will be entirely justified in once again punching a family member in the face,* it would be hard to make the right choice with two Vanderbilts giving you the glad eye.
*I just wondered when he would finally punch Grandfather in the face, but I realized that Grandfather is probably a boxing champ who would wipe the floor with Nathaniel.

Last week I wondered why Nate forgot to he is mad at Serena. This week I got my answer: Nate's still in love with her! Dan came to Nate for advice on how to deal post-threesome with your best friend and your girlfriend because of Nate's expertise in love triangles (Nate: I know things. I've been to Europe. Chuck Bass is my best friend), while Serena came to Nate for help with not sleeping with his cousin, a married congressman (Nate's also a professed expert on affairs with married people). Nate decided the best way to deal with Serena was to watch her every second, including a pub crawl that involved confessing his former (?) love for her. Apparently Serena never realized the depth of Nate's feelings after she stole his virginity and his shirt and went off to un-kill a dude. Unfortunately Serena went off with his cousin after all that, but it looks like that triangle comes to a head next episode (sadly, we have to wait until the 30th).

More importantly, though, Nate is so forgetful that even when Serena goes off to do the exact thing that he was mad at her about to begin with (potentially ruining his family's congressional reputation), he can't even remember to try to stop her, instead focusing on drowning his sorrows. Good work, Nate!

My F and K answers differ from plotline to plotine and haircut to haircut (okay, mostly I would kill Dan), but when presented with the men of Gossip Girl, my M answer is always Nate Archibald (assuming he's a choice, but when isn't he game?). It's not just the pretty or the fact that Chace Crawford is closest to my age. No, it's how endearingly dopey Columbia-matriculating Nate continues to be. Last night, Nate had to be reminded what Blair and Serena are fighting about (apparently having forgotten that he and Serena are still fighting). Chuck told him it's over which one loves the other the most while snatching Blair's phone to try to force the peace. While Chuck lied and schemed, Nate quietly murmured to himself, "Can you even fight about that?" Oh, Nate. Do you not remember what show you're on? That's the only thing B & S fight about. In the meantime, Chuck made hilariously convincing hungover faces, including "Smiling through the pain in the hopes that you'll stop talking and go away." GG could easily be subtitled Ed Westwick makes a series of exquisitely expressive faces.

At least that's what I'm forced to infer from the new Vitamin Water/New Moon tie-in commercial. No sooner am I promised antioxidants via watered down juice than a young man suddenly morphs into a wolf/husky/thing! See for yourself after the jump.

On Monday night's Gossip Girl, Olivia (Hilary Duff) decided to show Dan's parents that she really is the shallow Hollywood starlet she believes they think her to be (yeah, lots of lies this ep), so she rolls up to the Freshmen Parents Dinner/Toast/Impossible Social Situation in a skin tight, peach Hervé Léger.

Over on Monday night's Castle, Beckett (Stana Katic) needs to remind everyone that she is a hottie in addition to a bitchin' detective, so she rolls up to Castle's book launch party in a skin tight, blue Hervé Léger.

On Gossip Girl, this sort of thing is expected. Also, TV has long conditioned me to accept that people on inside the tube wear clothes, live in houses, and drive cars far beyond their salary range, so I'm okay with Beckett's choice. But twice in one night on two different networks? What's next? Will Quinn be in tears on Glee tonight when her Herve Leger no longer fits? Will Jonathan have to solve the case of the stolen Herve Leger on Sunday's Bored to Death? Remember: twice is a coincidence; three makes a rule.

I cannot believe this didn't occur to me sooner. Normally I like my pop culture worlds to remains discrete (e.g. I don't spend a lot of time wondering what would happen if we got Edward some TruBlood because: Bill), but in last night's episode of True Blood (this season's penultimate), Eric did something that I knew I had seen somewhere before. To wit:

Blair's expression, while not moving in any way, somehow becomes totally terrifying. It is one of the greatest parts of this or any other episode. 

That's from Jacob's recap of The Ex Files, season 2, episode 4 of Gossip Girl.

When I saw this news/photo over on Daily Intel this morning, I had a momentary panic. Surely the producers would never think of doing anything as crazy as replace Blake Lively! Okay, Leighton Meester is probably the best actor on the show, and sure, Chuck and Blair are a far more interesting couple to watch than any plus one Serena's been saddled with, but, two seasons later, "where has she been?" is still the show's driving force. Not to worry: With Serena off at Brown, Chuck and Blair are surely auditioning placeholders until Serena realizes her mistake/comes home for Thanksgiving. After all, Serena is the glue, the hub. She's the only one capable of maintaing friendships with all the characters, and I'm sure Chuck and Blair are just reacting to the gapping hole in their lives. After all, who else would think to eschew the motarboard and braid the graduation tassle directly into her hair?