Oh, Gossip Girl, when you deliver an episode like, “Shattered Bass,” I don’t know how to love you more. Everything blows up (but not in the way you’d think), everyone looks amazing, and Blair’s love of the ducks finally pays off. PLUS Jack Bass has never been better. It’s basically a dream.

Single White Serena

So you know how we’ve all been taking bets on what kind of crazy Charlie is? It’s even better than you thought. Charlie goes off her meds by dumping them out in a garbage can in the living room of PRADA MAFIA, like no one will notice that, and decides that she needs to give Dan a little push to get him in the sack. First she strokes his ego by comparing his writing to Fitz-freaking-Gerald (that’s right, that’s how it’s spelled), but, when Serena reminisces about cotillion and Dan in a dreamy way (she even has that picture in her room, which is odd, but I guess it is her old room and not her current quarters), Charlie decides there’s another golden opportunity to play damsel in distress to Dan’s white knight complex. And you know the best place for that? The Party that Everyone Ends Up At. Basically, Serena gives Charlie permission to date Dan and even tries to help her out by hooking her up with her Rhodes trust fund and giving her fashion advice, and Charlie is going to use that against her so hardcore it will blow your mind.

Golden Globe nominations, because of their comedy/drama split, are always a mixed bag. Despite the fact that some excellent movies have come out in the last year, it's been more miss than hit, so we're going to try to pare it down to an essential viewing/incredibly biased predictions. Here we go:

Film

Drama

Black Swan, The Fighter

Two fun Mad Men-related things:

1. A mash-up of "Mad Men" and "Mr. Men", from the British humour website The Poke.

2. "Sterling's Gold: Wit and Wisdom of an Ad Man," the much-anticipated memoirs of advertising guru Roger Sterling will be published in time for the Christmas shopping season.

In “Easy J,” Gossip Girl tries to tell us that Jenny Humphrey has been missed. No, she has not. She’s gone just as quickly as she arrived, which is exactly how we like it. This week’s Gossip Girl also featured Nate shaking it for Cellblock 6, Serena successfully attending a class, and a tragic end to Chuck and Blair’s war.

Blair’s Psychic Hotline

Blair has a Wait Until Dark dream that we both see and hear her explain in detail to Serena. Thanks? Anyway, she thought Chuck was the dream attacker until she reached back and grabbed a handful of ratty blonde extensions. Blair also takes this opportunity to call Serena a slut like she does every episode lately, and I’m getting a little tired of it. I wonder why Serena doesn’t just tell her to eff off but remember that it’s probably to avoid getting axe murdered. Blair also inaccurately describes Serena’s hair as being in “missionary disarray.” Serena has sex hair all the time, so it’s kind of a wonder how they cooked up beach hair for her this episode and called it sex hair. Anyway, Serena’s like, “Yes, but we didn’t fuck!” and Blair’s like, “My dream is more important than your real life!”, so Serena tries to use her Serena-magic to amalgamate the two by suggesting that they talk it over while taking a cab to school. Serena plans to get there on time since she knows Cab-Thieving Colin won’t have anyone to pour into a taxi this morning. I’m briefly amazed that she may have concocted this scheme just to neutralize Colin but no such luck. Also, no takers. Blair has somewhere else to be.

Last week's Gossip Girl, "Goodbye Columbia," offered the usual scheming and machinations by Chuck and Blair, eye-popping stupidity for Vanessa and Nate, and stupendous lack of awareness for Serena. I would complain, but this (and the insane clothes) is why we watch the show, is it not?

Scheming: I Almost Forgot How Much I Used to Enjoy Your Pie

Blair's deluded herself into thinking that Columbia's campus will provide an oasis from her war with Chuck. Naturally, this incantation summons Chuck to campus: he's "auditing a few classes" for . . . something . . . related to the Bart Bass Memorial Rotunda. Amazingly, Blair's reaction is pretty much, "Buh?", so Chuck starts explaining a rotunda in a way not dissimilar to the time he cut Gabriel (who's amazing in The Social Network, btw) off with "I think we all know what a Ponzi scheme is." Blair's shock, however, is to seeing her oasis so quickly revealed as a mirage, and this will not be the last time this episode the Chuck has to explain the concept of war to Blair.

For those of you just tuning into the blog (we love you, too!), here's what you've been missing so far this month in (Cult)ure proper:
Roxy Munro offers tips for keeping life sexy when there's no time for sex.

Why it doesn't matter if The Social Network is factually accurate.

Reviews of Arcade Fire, Armin van Buuren Ft. Sophie Ellis-Bextor, and Marina & the Diamonds.

Crash Course in Inner Peace: Chakras

The art and sport of vaulting demands not only strength but also grace, and, of course, a well-trained horse.    

Best Season of Mad Men Ever? From Miss Blankenship to Joan and Peggy's power in the office, Season 4 has been really boss.

Slow news day, slow news week, summer of suck at the box office: what are you going to do to distract yourself? Why, Mad Men Yourself, of course! The site's been updated with new wardrobes and accessories, including delicious references to last season: Trudy's fez, Joan's accordion. Because today is dreadfully boring, I decided not to choose between being a skirt or a suit, but to go ahead and try both.

Skirt:

I'd try come up with something more erudite than that, something with trenchant insight into Mad Men as cultural phenomenon, the commodification of culture, or the final sell-out straw, but who are we kidding? I own a Dylan McKay Barbie and proudly take him out in public. I so want Mad Men Barbies. Or I would if they weren't $300 US collector's items. Also, that's a really poor Don. I mean, my Dylan McKay Barbie really looks like Dylan McKay. They put some serious effort into that nine-head. These things are generic-looking.  I still kind of want the Roger one though I will hold out hope that someone one day makes a Roger string-pulley doll since Roger has all the best lines.

Wait, is there an Sterling Cooper Barbie-office for sale as well? That would be sweet.

On Monday night, I finally gave up the ghost and started watching the third season of Mad Men online. I caught the first two seasons on CTV, which mysteriously hasn't scheduled an airing of the third season. Sister network Bravo seems to have the show on a continuous loop, interrupted only by Dexter (another show I started watching on CTV only to have it cruelly taken away), but I haven't figured out exactly when to break in or if the third season is even part of that loop. Bell, my satellite provider, decided to pick up AMC after the season had finished airing. Thanks, Bell. Hence: the internet.

I've watched the first two episodes, and so far it's on course for another season of quiet devastation: equal part laughs, "holy shit," and "Oh, Don." He's everyone's favourite handsome retro sociopath! What shocked me, though, was the realization that Don has green eyes.

I noticed it during the first episode, "Out of Town," and then remembered that he had green eyes even in the season two previouslies. Didn't he have brown eyes in season one? When and for what reason did Jon Hamm stop wearing contacts for the role? I got all excited to dig into this mystery and share the results with you, but you know what? Never happened. 

As one of the multitude that is dying for Mad Men's return (August 16, and yes, I have marked my calendar), whiling away the hours until its return is as painful as watching Sal hit on Ken right in front of his wife (seriously, I almost cried). Until we can know what's happening with the takeover and Don and Betty's new baby, we have to make our own fun. The lovely people over at AMC have given us Mad Men-ize yourself. As you can see, Peggy and Pete look happy to see me (does that mean Pete's alive?!), Don is Don, Roger's amused, and Joan looks suspicious. My actual hair doesn't look like that, but I couldn't bear to part with the leopard skin pillbox hat (or my cigarette or my martini). What? It's the '60s! That's how they do business, and I'm sure my ciggies are toasted.