Last week, the weird Ron Artest was sent home. Thank goodness…he was strange and uninteresting at the same time. The previews this week promise star-meltdowns and (spoiler alert) Nancy Grace's boob. How fun! Let's get to it. Brooke Burke has 90s prom hair, which is not so pretty. 

Hope Solo and Maks (Jive): Maks and Hope have chosen Toms as their team shoe. How hipster of them. If there is a dance for Hope to excel at, it has to be the Jive, right? Fast, athletic, fun? The result here is less than awesome. Maks has chosen goofy and dumb costumes that are distracting, and you can really see Hope counting through the steps and grinding out the moves very physically. I said last week that she wasn't very light on her feet (no surprise for an athlete), but it is really apparent here. Len flashes a gang sign and then says it was crisp, but they lost their timing. I agree that it was sloppy. Bruno thinks it wasn't precise at all. Carrie Ann liked the energy of the performance, but thinks Hope needs to relax a bit. 

Scores: 6,7,6

Cat Deely is wearing some truly huge shoes tonight. How fun. We are down to the top 6, including the unlikely Ricky and Caitlynn. Guest judges tonight are Christina Applegate (apparently a Tony winner?) and Lil C.

Melanie and Twitch: Lame Hip Hop by Tabitha and Napolean

We are down to the last four (minus Romeo who was sent home last week), and the show promises a visit to the hospital for someone! Excitement abounds. I may have missed three of the four first dances this week…my bad! There is no excuse, but I have a bit of a crazy life at the moment. We are frankly lucky I still have cable tonight (and by “we”, I mean me).

Ralph Macchio and Karina: Due to the aforementioned craziness, I missed their first dance. I am the worst. Ralph seems to have healed from his injury last week, thank goodness. Their second dance is a salsa, and Karina looks so, so scary. She has gigantic hair and is wearing a skin-tight leopard print body suit that is open in the front, revealing a red bra. She looks incredibly trashy. So much so that I am barely noticing Ralph’s dancing. I guess it ok? He looks pretty trashy too, so it is hard to say. Len says there was no rhythm to the dance, which I agree with. The censors have to bleep Bruno, I think because he calls Karina a “pussy”- it does seem like he really meant as in “pussycat”, a term the Brits are known to use (Bruno is not British, but I don’t know!).  Carrie Ann liked the dance, but his technique wasn’t great. Scores are 8s from Bruno and Carrie Ann and a 7 from Len.

Kirstie Alley and Maks: Missed the first dance, but I did see that Kirstie is looking very slim these days. She (apparently) got three 9s for her first dance, which looked like some sort of waltz while on mute. The second dance is a paso doble. Kirstie is wearing a dumb headband and I am worried she is going to fall on this cape she is swinging around at the beginning of the dance. The paso is ok…Kirstie isn’t a terribly precise dancer, and I keep seeing where she is missing the beat on what are supposed to be powerful movements. At the end of the dance, she jumps up and bonks coconuts with Maks. The judges seem to only have praise for her, but I really thought she was off on a lot of it. 9s all around from the judges.