So You Think You Can Dance: Top 16

Last week (okay, four weeks ago, so sorry about the delay here), four dancers we didn't really care about were eliminated. Who will go home this week (based on last week's dances, it is still a bit strange)? We start the week off with another pre-taped performance, where all of the dancers are dressed like Charlie Chaplin, and the whole thing is in black and white, save for one bright red umbrella. The style of the dance isn't super interesting..it is sort of slow and rhythmic. I really just stared at the red umbrella the whole time, wondering how it was filmed and processed. The look of the routine was fun, but I really didn't take in much of the dance. 

Cat Deeley looks particularly gorgeous tonight. She has really fun old Hollywood glam hair, a deep burgundy lip colour, and a sleek black dress. Judges tonight are Nigel and Mary, as usual, along with guest judge Christina Applegate. This is exciting, Applegate was a strong judge last season, and she used to be a dancer (she co-founded the Pussycat Dolls, strangely enough). 

So You Think You Can Dance: Meet the Couples!

The first show of the (real) season is here, and it promises to hold some very exciting dances, as well as the very real threat that a great dancer will go home this week because America doesn't know who he or she is. Let's dive in together and find out all the details about how this re-formatted season is going to work. We start off we a really cool opening number for the top 20 (choreographed by Christopher Scott), which is sort of Mad Men-themed, and I think Kenny Cosgrove is actually one of the dancers. The dance has dudes at desks interacting with their secretaries. Cyrus stands out because the camera keeps stopping on him, and Alexa (who I just very nearly called Ryan, ouch!) stands out for her ridiculous pouffy hair. Eliana and Amelia are also featured players. So many vowelly ladies this year! Our top 20 dancers are introduced right after this, and it is clear that the top 20 routine we just saw was pre-taped because everyone is changed and they all have vastly different hair. I don't recall the opening numbers being pre-taped before, but perhaps I was just oblivious. Having Cat do the individual introductions really brings a smile to my heart. We are really back! 

Judges

So You Think You Can Dance: The Top 20
Excitement abounds! We will finally find out who the top 20 dancers are for Season 9 of So You Think Can Dance! We start out in Hollywood, where the dancers will perform at the end of the show, and Cat is a knockout in this really fun champagne, gold, and pale pink dress. There is a panel of judges (not quite sure why they are here, but we will see), including Mary "The Screamer" Murphy, Nigel "The Pervy Uncle" Lythgoe, and Zooey "The Adorkable" Deschanel. Nigel explains the changes to this season, the biggest of which is that they will be choosing not one, but two favourite dancers (one guy and one girl). In addition, there is only one show per week (no results show), so it will be fun to see how this works out. The results show of SYTYCD wasn't the very worst, but there was certainly a bunch of reality TV filler nonsense that won't be missed.

The 35 finalists are all penned up in a room, and they call them in one by one to face the judges. Alexa (the overexposed) is called up first. Given how much time we spent with her last year, I feel pretty sure she will be in. Tyce tries to fake her out (poorly), and she is our first person in the coveted 20. George Lawrence II is next, and I don't remember much about him, except that he had a great audition. I think he has a ballet/contemporary background. Debbie Allen tells him he is in the top 20. Will Thomas (who we don't know much about) is also in. Megan Branch (who I don't know if we ever met) is a contemporary person who Mary loved, but she doesn't make it, nor does Collin Fuller (another unknown). Amber something is a contemporary dancer who has tried out three years in a row, and this year she makes it in (she had a really stanky attitude after she didn't make it the previous year, more on that later). The first four selected are dancing a Tyce Diorio routine, to "We Found Love" performed by Jesse J. The number is fairly boring, but it doesn't openly suck, which I have sometimes found in Tyce's routines. It looks a bit like a scene from Rent, which probably was the big thing in Tyce's heyday. The judges gives them each feedback, but I won't bother talking about it, because it isn't too interesting. 

RuPaul's Drag Race: The Final Three

We are here, people! It is final three time, and our three finalists are Chad Michaels, the fabulous Cher impersonator, Sharon Needles, the gothic punning firecracker, and Phi Phi O'Hara, an annoying yippy dog (I may be editorializing). Last week, we lost the large and in charge Latrice Royale, which was certainly a blow. I can't really blame the judges for their choice, either. Phi Phi brought it, and Latrice did not. She had so much potential (and lived it out in the first half of the season). 

Let's get to the finale. Our last SheMail arrives (sniff), and the fabulous Ms. Ru just cackles for a full minute. The dashing Mr. Ru comes into the work room to announce the final challenge. The ladies will star alongside Ru in a video for "Glamazon", the title track from the album. The girls will be dancing, syncing, and acting in the video. They work with "legendary choreographer" (?) Candis Cane, and Sharon really struggles to learn the choreography. She doesn't have a dance background, as Phi Phi and Chad do. I hope she can do it!

RuPaul's Drag Race: The Fabulous Bitch Ball 

Last week, the ladies (including a briefly re-appearing Kenya Michaels) got to frock some dads, with mixed results. The incoherent Kenya Michaels was sent home again, and no one cares again. The girls talk briefly about how Latrice has been in the bottom twice, but also about how Chad has never had to lip sync for his liiife. To be fair to Sharon, she only had to in that Frenemies week where she was relying on her arch-enemy, Phi Phi O'Hara. 

DILFs: Dad's I'd like to Frock

Last week, a very political challenge exposed the weakness in Dida Ritz (that weakness being her lack of style and boringsauce personality). Sharon Needles won the challenge for her frighteningly accurate portrayal of some recent female political candidates. Also last week, Ru announced that one of the departed queens would be coming back into the competition. It turns out that Michelle and Santino selected the incomprehensible Kenya Michaels to return. This seems like as good a choice as any, because at least she brings a professional look. 

RuPaul's Drag Race: Frock the Vote

 Last week, Willam won the challenge, but was kicked off the show for "breaking a rule" of the show. We don't know what said rule was, but she is outta here. We won't find out what rule was broken until the reunion show, which is a damn shame. 

Frenemies

Last week, Phi Phi O'Hara finally did well and won a challenge. Jiggly Caliente was sent sashaying away, probably a few episodes late. SheMail arrives and it is a strange one where Ms. Ru fights with her frenemy…who is Ms. Ru. Mr. Ru introduces the mini-challenge, which is a fun one where the girls have to take a lie detector test. The most hilarious question is repeated in some form for each player. "If X were the last ladyboy on earth, would you kai kai with her". Yes, I had to look up the spelling and possible use of that. It turns out everyone would kai kai with Latrice. Good things to know. These lie detectors are used to gauge the girls' personalities, and then they are paired up with another girl that they are different from. The pairs are Dida Ritz & Chad Michaels, Latrice Royale & Willam, and Phi Phi & Sharon. The challenge is to stage a production of some new original song. The big twist is that they won't be syncing the song, they will be singing it live. For many of these girls, this is a problem because they don't sing. 

During the Ru visit, we learn that the ladies will be judged as a team, so the bottom team will have to lip sync for their liiiives against each other. That adds some interesting drama to the mix. The next day, the teams get a chance to work with Ru's music partner and producer, Lucian Piane, who will give them feedback on their numbers. Details of each of the rehearsals are below, but in general, none of the people know the song well enough. 

Dragazines 

Previously on RuPaul's Drag Race, Milan was a bit of a mess again, and was sent home. Jiggly was also in the bottom, and we learned that he is a balding dude. Willam won the Pride float challenge, and was generally annoying.  

SheMail arrives, and it is all about libraries today. That's right, these gals are getting read. As we learned in past seasons, "reading" is kind of like roasting. It involves slamming your fellow queen with details about how they are slutty, ugly, fat, or whatever. It isn't as mean-spirited as it sounds, and all of the girls seem to enjoy it. 

RuPaul's Drag Race: Float Your Boat

Last week, Chad Michaels blew us away with his dead-on Cher impersonation. Kenya Michaels was sent sashaying away for not knowing who Beyoncé was and for being incoherent. I can't say we'll miss her. Phi Phi was told to step it the eff up, and we are really over her. 

The mini challenge this week is a wet t-shirt contest. The ladies each get a new silicone breast plate from some hilarious website that donated them. The contest is various degrees of frightening, and we see Latrice's blurred business. Latrice also does the freaking splits, which I am always impressed with.   

Last week, Madame LaQueer was sent home, just as we learned she was sort of annoying. This week brings us a great RuPaul's Drag Race tradition in the form of Snatch Game, and you should all check this episode out.  

The mini-challenge is called Beat the Cock, and the ladies compete in rooster and hen themed tasks. It is absurd, as usual. Phi Phi wins at pinning the rooster on Ru's face, Dida Ritz successfully blows a feather across a room, and Milan wins a ring toss game. Those three compete in a final challenge that is a variation of an egg and spoon race. I'll not go into more details. Phi Phi wins a phone call home, and Chad Michaels is sad because it is his anniversary with his partner. In a rare moment of humanity (at least on the show), Phi Phi gives up his call to Chad. 

Ru introduces the Snatch Game challenge. Snatch Game is Ru's version of the 1970s classic game show Match Game. If you ever get the chance to see an episode of the original Match Game, check that stuff out. Gene Rayburn basically corrals 6 celebrities (who may or may not be drunk) and makes them answer dumb questions while horrified house wives play along. It is great stuff. Snatch Game is the drag version of this, with celebrity impressions.  

Glamazons vs. Champions 

Last week, adorably dumb LaShauwn Beyond was sent home for his lack of confidence on the mainstage and because Billy B. hated him. Lame. But he wasn't going to make it very far. 

SheMail arrives and Ms. Ru is talking about all of her songs like "Covergirl," and "Glamazon". Mr. Ru shares a video of a fan of Ru's named Piyah Martell who was born without legs. The queens are touched by her story and have to create a butterfly-inspired headress in her honour. They are varying degrees of fabulous, with Latrice Royale and Milan's number not even staying on the mannequin head. Phi Phi, Kenya and Jiggly take the win. Phi Phi and Kenya win a coin toss to be team captains. 

CHAIR! So close, and yet so far. Yup, that's about what I got out to last night's Gossip Girl, "Riding in Town Cars with Boys." Otherwise, Nate and Serena make the same plan they always make, only Dan's in this time; Ivy finally finds a reason to get out of Dodge already; and Rufus continues to be Goofus to the nth degree. Let's go over the highlights!

All you need is one

Apparently, all you need to become a super-successful newsman in NYC and the Vanderbilt’s last, great hope to lead the family is one editorial. At least that's what Nate's latest plot has taught me. Grandfather's ousted the still delicious Tripp from the position of crown prince thanks to an editorial (seriously. Because the paper isn't a daily or anything, so you only need to write one total editorial). So Tripp tattles to Nate that he isn't exactly the super-successful newsman he thinks he is, what with the Grandfather underwriting everything and putting Diana up to it. Nate is pissed, but then he forgets to be pissed because he's off to some wondrous high business/high debauchery retreat with Grandfather by the end of the episode. Also, somehow Max figures into Tripp's plans. Highlights: Toss up between Chuck telling Nate he was almost aroused by the one total editorial or the reverent look on Chuck's face when he repeats the name of the retreat (Allen Camp?). I started to wonder by boy-billionaire Bass hadn't already gotten his invite, then shuddered at the memory of the sex Narnia/Elle debacle. Except for one small part: CARTER BAIZEN! Oh, come back, I miss your pouty mouth.

The finals are here! It seems like we have been at this for a very long time. And by we, I mean me. Hope Solo was thankfully sent home last week, leaving us with three deserving finalists. We have the inspiring J.R. Martinez (a veteran who was badly injured while serving the U.S. military), former talk show host Ricki Lake, and relative of "famous" people, Rob Kardashian. If you had told me when we started this season that I wouldn't be actively rooting against Rob this week, I would not have believed you. He still isn't my favourite, but he has worked hard and earned his spot in the finals. Also, I love his partner, Cheryl. For the finale show (which is thankfully just one hour), each of the couples have just two dances including a fun freestyle round, and they get to have a teaching session with one of our esteemed judges as well.  

Ricki Lake and Derek (Cha Cha Cha):

Last week, David Arquette was sent home, before both Nancy Grace and Hope Solo. Lamesauce! He was by no means the strongest dancer, but he had the personality and effort sorely lacking in the two women I just mentioned. The group dance was probably a big part of his undoing, which is a shame. I will miss seeing Courtney Cox in the audience. This week we have the old "instant dance", which is where the couple don't receive the music to one of their dances until 20 minutes before they perform. In the past, this has led to some mixed results, with some thriving under the pressure, and others visibly cracking. I assume tonight will be no different. 

Rob Kardashian and Cheryl (Quickstep): Cheryl is cracking the whip this week, with the goal of making sure Rob gets into the semis. I assume all of the pros will be taking this approach. Their quickstep is to a slightly odd song, which is "Take on Me" by A-ha. The song just sort of isn't fast enough for the dance or something. Their fast footwork parts are to the chorus, which is the slow, drawn out "taaaaaaaaaake on meeeeeee". It just doesn't match up somehow. That being said, I think the dance was strong and it seemed like Rob was on top of it. Len really liked it, once they got into hold. Bruno says something incoherent. He is happy with Rob's ass this week. Carrie Ann has some ridiculous bangs going on this week, and they are like all up in her eyes. Like that muppet. She thinks he has improved tremendously. Scores: 9,9,9.

Yikes! All of the couples are in frightening costumes in honour of this spookiest of evenings. Tom introduces himself as Tom Boooogeron, which is awesome. Brooke is wearing a dumb black wig. I can't believe we are down to the top 6, and I can't believe Nancy Grace is among them. 

Last week, Chaz was finally sent home, probably two weeks later than he should have been. I loved his effort, and he is a really interesting person, but he wasn't a good dancer. 

 David Arquette and Kym (Cha Cha Cha): These two are doing a dracula-themed cha cha that uses magic too. Fun stuff. It starts off a bit lame, because the clip package promised that David would be doing some cool magic. There are some other cool effects in the dance, though. Like when fringe on Kym's dress just appears while she is spinning, and when a spider web appears at the end. The dance itself is ok. For David, it is pretty controlled, but also fairly uneven. Len thought it was very fun and original. Bruno says David was a natural at turning tricks. Carrie Ann thinks David's improvement has been phenomenal. Ah…they reveal in the Brooke interview that the trick we were supposed to see got lost backstage before the routine. How sad. Scores: 8,8,8.

Last week, Carson was sent home because of low scores and bad dancing. This week, it is Broadway time at DWTS. Exciting. The show opens with a number from the new Broadway musical Sister Act. It is fun, but I don't think anyone other than the main lady are actually singing, which is strange for Broadway. Apparently Kristin Chenoweth is here as a special guest. Score!

DWTS: 80s Week!

Last week, Chynna completely forgot her routine, and was sent home. She was a decent dancer, but I think she just had relatively few fans to keep her in it. It is surprising again that she went before Chaz, Carson, and Nancy, just because they are clearly weaker dancers. That being said, she did completely forget her routine. 

Despite rocking all over the place the week prior, Alaric is nowhere to be seen in last week’s The Vampire Diaries, “The Reckoning.” I guess he needed to recharge the AWESOME before dropping it on us again (next time!). In the meantime, Caroline’s obsession with doing normal, fun, teenage things ends disastrously (yet again) for pretty much everyone involved: Matt, Elena, Tyler, Bonnie, Stefan, and Klaus and Rebekah to a certain extent. Even Damon gets his feelings hurt. Things go slightly better for Katherine, but it’s really only a matter of time.

Mystic Falls is Afraid of Locks

So Matt is working out at high school by himself at night. I'm pretty sure you can't just bust into the weight room like that. To the point where we needed supervision just to use it during normal school hours at my high school. But we all know the townsfolk of Mystic Falls don’t stand on little things like legal liability. A shadow runs by, and Matt runs after it because he is so sad that even ghost friends seem like a good company to him. Instead, he finds Tyler, Caroline, Bonnie, and Elena setting up mousetraps all over the floor in an empty classroom because . . . it’s senior prank night. And none of his alive (or undead, in Caroline’s case) friends invited him. Thanks, guys? And you wonder why Matt is so lonely that he WANTS to be friends with a ghost. Outside of Casper, of course. We all want to be friends with Casper, right? Devon Sawa was so cute back then!

Last week, Kristin Cavallari was sent home, even though she had markedly better scores than both Chaz and Nancy Grace. She was really forgettable, and I hate Mark Ballas. This week, the previews have promised us some Cher, and she better show up, or I am going to be piiiiiiissssed. The gimmick this week is "Let's go to the Movies", where the dancers will be rocking it out to movie scores. 

There is an opening number featuring some of the pros in reserve, and it is both boring and awkward.

Chynna and Tony (Tango): They are dancing to the score from Mission: Impossible, and they seem to have a bit of tension in the rehearsal. Chynna asks a lot of dumb questions and seems to be annoying Tony. Tony starts the dance in a harness above the stage and then drops at like 1 mile an hour. It is not very cool. Chynna's tango dress is cut right up past her business and looks very slutty. I am not sure what is going on in the dance, but it is super slow and I think Chynna messes up at least three or four times. It is really one of the worst tangoes I have seen in a long time. Bad choreography, bad dancing. Len: "It all went up the Swanee River". Chynna knows it. Bruno says she was hot, but lost the entire dance. Carrie Ann knows she got lost, and thought she held her composure. Scores: 7,7,7. Holy crap, that was overscored.