A few weeks ago on The Vampire Diaries, Damon drew such a poor werewolf that Caroline thought it was a puppy with a tutu. Just for a treat, here's a real puppy in a tutu. It was picked up on Vancouver's Seymour Street as part of a campaign by Ballet BC to be seen as not your grandma's ballet company. Enjoy!

Don't forget to tune in for tonight's ROAD TRIP!

I don't recap Hellcats because there's an extent to which I don't so much watch it as have it on. But two things from last night's episode, "Back of a Car," stuck out to me, so let's take a moment.

Cheers: Dan Patch, Good Guy. Mostly I think of Dan as morally neutral, i.e. not particularly good or bad, but, when Marti warned Savannah that Dan will bolt if he sees how much more Savannah's v-card means to her than it does to him, and Savannah was all he would never and how dare you, I thought, "That's the right thing to do." For Dan forgo trade short-term gain (sex) over long-term pain (emotional for Savannah) is a kindness. It's one that I didn't necessarily expect from Dan, so point to him.

Jeers: Laptop locks. Morgan and his roommate leave their technology filled dorm room unlocked? The entirety of Cheertown is unlocked? It's a wonder no one's stolen their laptops sooner. In residence, my roommate and I locked our lappys to our desks. We didn't leave them lying around to get snatched. And you don't even know how many wrongful convictions we overturned in our spare time.

Yesterday, I read in read in the Vulture that Jay Baruchel “broke ranks” with the “Apatow crew’s unofficial policy of avoiding well-paying blockbuster crap” to make The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, meaning that should he be smarting from the “commercial and critical drubbing” that movie’s received, he really brought it on himself. This article is merely a trifle, not meant to be taken über-seriously (we don’t even know that he is smarting), but it’s unfortunately exactly the type of trifle that puts a bee in my bonnet. To wit: is Jay Baruchel even that big a part of the house that Apatow built?

Yes, he starred in Undeclared, which the Vulture is correct in reminding you is “so, so good.” Bear in mind that Judd Apatow, for all we credit him for, has written and directed exactly three movies: The 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, and Funny People. Of those, Baruchel has starred or co-starred in exactly zero. He’s a supporting player in Knocked Up. The article quotes Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill repeatedly. Rogen was a supporting player in Virgin, the star of Knocked Up, and the co-star of Funny People. Hill appeared in Knocked Up and Funny People and co-starred in the Apatow-produced Superbad and Get Him to the Greek. Of all the other Apatow-produced (and therefore, one assumes, approved) movies, Baruchel has appeared in none. Heck, his Undeclared love interest Carla Gallo has appeared in more Apatow movies.

In Canadian pop culture (particularly on the English-speaking side), we have this idea that you haven’t made it here until you’ve made if there (in the U.S.). Despite his comic talent and not inconsiderable charm, Baruchel hasn’t made it there in the way that fellow Canadian and ur-Apatow-ian Rogen or even Hill has. Instead, he’s carved out his own path in Canadian fare like Just Buried, The Trotsky, and the upcoming Good Neighbours. Not exactly the stuff of Apatow. This is not to say that he won’t in the future, just that for whatever reason he hasn’t played as big a role as the Vulture’s headline would have you believe. At the end of the article they offer up the “unlikely possibility” that Baruchel “genuinely thought The Sorcerer’s Apprentice would be good,” but that would have been my first guess. Who doesn’t want to make a movie with Nicholas Cage? If I got a call right now to appear in Ghost Rider 2, I’d be there.

In what sounds like yet another made-up-by-the-media trend, all of one teen is claiming to be involved in biting and blood exchanges to demonstrate romantic passion and intimate friendship. While the doc quoted has legit concerns about infections, let me tell you why this is preposterous:

• This is the exact kind of shit that freaks teens out, which is why vampires work so well as a metaphor for sex.
• Vamps and their human lovers don't bite each other in Twilight. Humans aren't physically able to break through vampire skin. Vamp bites mean death or vampirism. Which brings us back to human-on-human action, and that is strictly prohibited in Twilight.
• The Vampire Diaries and True Blood do feature blood exchanges, but it's really only kinky sex stuff in True Blood. And while teens no doubt watch True Blood, they, too, would be freaked out by the INSANE sex scenes. Which means that they wouldn't want to do that kind of stuff because it is too freaky.

Ergo, the entire thing is too freaky, even for freaky teens. One high school does not a trend make.

Slow news day, slow news week, summer of suck at the box office: what are you going to do to distract yourself? Why, Mad Men Yourself, of course! The site's been updated with new wardrobes and accessories, including delicious references to last season: Trudy's fez, Joan's accordion. Because today is dreadfully boring, I decided not to choose between being a skirt or a suit, but to go ahead and try both.

Skirt:

The internet was made for this: Librarians repurposing "Poker Face" for their ca-ca-ca-catalogue and Christian Bale in a "Bad Romance." See 'em both after the jump.

Every time I think we're getting back to the good stuff with this show (like last week), we get an episode like "Ex-Husbands and Wives." On the plus side: mass scheming. On the down side: soap opera level exposition. What the hell, Gossip Girl? Just because you are a soap doesn't mean you have to absorb the worst possible aspects of a soap opera. Thank goodness you are going to Paris next year.

Jenny is the Fucking Worst

This is, of course, not a knock against Taylor Momsen. She shows up to work week in and week out. But Jenny Humphrey is the schemingest schemer on this show if you can imagine. Blair and Chuck prostitute each other, but Jenny will let people believe that Lily might really have cancer if it suits her.

Word is that director/brother-in-law Casey Affleck is looking for buyers for the possibly-but-unlikely-to-be real Joaquin Phoenix documentary about Phoenix's transition from actor to hip hop musician or some such. I am beyond trying to figure this cat out. I'm sure the movie will explain everything, but what explanation would we really want to hear, anyway?

"It's real." Okay, then record something.  Commit to the music.

"It's fake." Psych? Thanks for wasting our time, but Robert Downey Jr.'s our movie boyfriend now, so what are you going to do?

Every once and while I get into the idea of theme songs: for people, for events, for specific days. I'm known in certain circles, for example, for my summer jams. If you want to entice me to go on a road trip, play Kansas' "Carry on My Wayward Son." Naturally, I sometimes think of songs to match the month's theme. This time, Jonathan Coulton springs to mind:

I'm a big believer in making your own fun. If the Daily Show has taught me anything (oh, how it has), it's that the news can play a big role in said fun-making. All you need are a few headlines. Such as: 

"Victoria dancers sparkle in the limelight"
Misread that as daylight, and you might think Stephenie Meyer attacked Victoria.

"J'ai tué ma mère fails to win César"
So not only did Xavier Dolan's film lose, it also came home to face a very disappointed parent Montreal Gazette.

You may recall the glorious day when I linked to the Slapsgiving song for no particular reason last February (okay, there was a reason, but that's unimportant now). Last night's How I Met Your Mother was a Slapsgiving redux, and, while it's generally agreed that it wasn't quite as awesome as the first time around, it did include the Slapsgiving song re-imagined as a commercial jingle for one of Lily's dad's crappy board games. Only, tbh, I would totally want to find a Slap Bet board game under the tree. Watch it after the jump!

I heretofore had no opinion of Miley Cyrus, and my non-opinion has been extended to "Miley Cyrus possibly has a poor grasp on the English language." In an interview in which Cyrus says that she has not seen Twilight nor will she, she further elaborates, "I don't believe in it." She goes on to say that she has no real interest in vampires or wolves, which is fine, but she doesn't "believe in it"? It's not real until Miley says so? Like it or don't like it, it's your choice. But to deny to existence of a multi-million dollar franchise seems a little shortsighted. On the other hand, maybe she's upset that she isn't featured on the bitchin' soundtrack.

[REDACTED], a 31 year-old New Yorker, that's who! In a feature about why middle-aged moms are swooning over the Twilight series, NY Mag's Em & Lo not only found middle-aged New York women willing to openly admit to their Twi-Hard status but also to say weird things like that. I'm sort of bewildered because I find Pattinson odd-looking (I just do, it's nothing personal), but I'm not willing to begrudge [REDACTED] finding someone attractive nor do I see a problem with her liking Twilight. As my mom always says, there's no accounting for taste.

I'm definitely bewildered by the fridge-photo connection, though. I also have photos on my fridge. They're of people I know, personally, IRL.

There are any number of exciting, exclusive podcasts over on the Globe and Mail's books blog, In Other Words, from this year's International Festival of Authors. Most are cracking good authors reading from their own works, but the stand out so far as to be the recorded welcome from Sean Connery to IFOA's Writing Scotland program. Not only is it a nice reminder that Connery's still out there, but doesn't it make you wriggle with glee to know that this is what he's doing with his retirement? He should do more voice work. I bet he could give Morgan Freeman, Jeff Bridges, and Keifer Sutherland a run for their money. 

On the other hand, is it bad that I almost immediately thought of Laurence Oliver for Diet Coke?

At least that's what I'm forced to infer from the new Vitamin Water/New Moon tie-in commercial. No sooner am I promised antioxidants via watered down juice than a young man suddenly morphs into a wolf/husky/thing! See for yourself after the jump.

For reasons quite unknown, George Clooney took it upon himself to write a letter in Saturday's Daily Mail entitled, "How I feel about manners," in which he gets insulted, calls a woman fat, and implores the general public to remember the golden rule. As a fan of the golden rule, I'm on George's side. As a non-fan of calling a woman fat because she called you old-looking, I'm not. Of course one should try to live by the golden rule, and he a) was provoked and b) wasn't defending his behaviour. But at 48, it surely must have occurred to Mr. Clooney that the golden rule rarely works. Then again, maybe a brief missive from Cloons was all the rule needed to get kick started in daily life. Let's see how that goes, shall we?

Every Wednesday (Cult)ure shares with you one of the internet's best webcomics. 

Okay, dear readers, I have a confession to make. I've been doing this weekly Wednesday Webcomic feature for over twenty weeks now, and... well... I've run out of Webcomics!

There are still lots of big name webcomics out there that I haven't covered, PvP, Dr. McNinja, and Achewood (to name a few), but try as I might, I've never gotten into them. All of the webcomics I really dig, I've already covered in the last twenty weeks.

So... I'm turning to you (Cult)ure readers! Please, share with me your favourite webcomics, so that they can be featured in our Wednesday Webcomics posts in the weeks to come. You can list them in the comments section of this post, or email me at kevin@culturemagazine.ca.

Hollywood industry mag Variety is reporting that all five original cast members of the Canadian comedy super troupe Kids in the Hall are reuniting for a new series called Death Comes to Town. The eight-part series will be a murder mystery set in Ontario. Filming is set to take place in North Bay, so the 'Ontario' setting, is it seems, does not mean Toronto.  Interesting!

Hey, remember Vladimir Putin's vigorous torso? You know, the one that made an appearance a while back while fishing? Well, everyone's favourite Russian Prime Minister is at it again! Head over to the Times (UK-style) to watch a video that includes shirtless horseback riding and the butterfly stroke. What's life without knowing what Putin was up to on his vacation?

In last night's True Blood, Sarah Newlin (right, Anna Camp) served up banana pudding for dessert when the Newlins had Jason Stackhouse (left, Ryan Kwanten) over for dinner. I know that the episode was filmed months ago and that the show is based on a series of books and that that pudding is probably laced with ruphies and evil, but I don't care. Banana pudding? Thank you for noticing June's theme, Raelle Tucker!

Sadly, I could only find a still from last week's episode, in which Jason took role playing a little too seriously and tried to stake Sarah with a flagstaff "like some Muslim Buffy with a dick." If you're not watching True Blood, you really should start.