The market for glittery jumpsuits gets its bi-annual boost with the return of Dancing with the Stars. I missed the first week, but clearly it doesn't matter. Let's dive into the dances tonight!

Sugar Ray Leonard and Anna: Boxing legend Sugar Ray Leonard! Last week this pair did a lackluster dance, and this week they have the jive. For being an former elite athlete, Sugar Ray is a bit tiny. This jive is medium good. Considering it is the second week, I give points for just keeping up with the music and remembering most of the steps. Anna’s hair is unattractive. The judges’ comments relay that his moves were not stellar, but he performed the crap out of it.

Kendra Wilkinson and Louis: This person is apparently “famous” for being a former girlfriend of Hugh Hefner. Yeesh. I don’t care about her. They are doing a quickstep, but it doesn’t look like one at all. Too slow! Also, Kendra has some big knockers (of course) and she is wearing a strapless dress. As a fellow Woman of Big Cans (this is the pc term we prefer), I can say the she needs to wear a bra with straps. Did Len just say “chesticles”? Weird. The judges say she needs to perform more.