Some of our dear readers have been asking me why I haven’t returned to recapping Supernatural since . . . oh, 2010. That is a long time, isn’t it? So, it looks like I haven’t recapped since Sam came back. Real Sam instead of my beloved Soulless Sammy. Part of is the obvious: recapping takes a long time, and I’s be busy. Part of it, and maybe the bigger part of it, is the same thing I’ve been struggling with all season: I’m just not loving Season 6. There have been good episodes here and there (stand out: “Weekend at Bobby’s”), but nothing that much seems to happen anymore. I don’t feel like we’re building anywhere (plus, Season 7?!), and “The Man Who Would Be King” just furthers my point.

I’m going to have to go way off topic here to illustrate my point, so please hang in there, because there is one.

Okay, do you remember “I am God,” Season 2, Episode 18 of Veronica Mars? It directly followed “Plan B,” which was flat out one of the best episodes of Veronica Mars ever (it might just be my favourite). “Plan B” wrapped up the mystery that had carried over from the Season 1 finale (Felix’s murder), whereas “I am God” focused on the mystery that began Season 2 (bus crash). Here’s the difference: Felix’s murder was a huge deal. Solving it was important to multiple main characters (Logan and Weevil primarily), and they all put a lot of effort into it. The bus crash, despite being a mass murder of which Veronica mistakenly initially believed she was the target, just wasn’t. It wasn’t addressed for episodes at a time, Veronica never seemed to put that much thought into it, and, aside from Meg, we didn’t really know any of the victims. Yet suddenly, five episodes from the end of the season, we’re expected to believe that not only has this unsolved mystery been on Veronica’s mind all along but also that she’s being HAUNTED by the victims. Yeah, in her dreams, but still. Haunted. It felt like the writers realized too late that they had broken the arc incorrectly over the season and jammed an episode in to correct the pacing.

Last week’s The Vampire Diaries, “The Last Day,” proved two things: Damon is love’s bitch, and there’s little anyone can do to stop Klaus. Not that I think Elena is going to die (I’ve watched TV before, babies), but there’s no telling what the exact outcome will be. Also, the CW Rochester STILL has flippin’ sound problems during VD broadcasts. Get it together, network.

Magic Elixir Does the Body Good

The ep opens with shirtless Damon, and one of my viewing companions opines that all eps should start this way. Downstairs in front of Eternal Fireplace, Elijah is recapping the truth about the curse for Stefan and now Damon. Damon’s all about power player Bonnie, but Elena – natch – is still tweaking about her best girl dying. Damon: “I'll write her a great eulogy.”  I can only imagine! “In the months since I tried to rip Bonnie’s throat out, we developed a steamy sexual chemistry that forced us to no longer share the screen because the writers weren’t pushing a dirty, dirty vamp-witchy romance. I sure as hell thought about it, but it didn’t happen. Anyway, turns out she was cool beans. Now she’s dead. See ya, Bon-Bon! Have fun with other Bitches of Eastwick serving nature in the great beyond!”

Hey, look at that! Another perfectly decent episode of Supernatural! Sure, “Appointment in Samarra” isn’t all that exciting, but it moved things along, didn’t make me angry, and reminded me of a few good things about this show. Given my lowered expectations for this season, that ain’t half bad.

The Doctor is in

Dean visits a disreputable, no-longer licensed doctor in (a) Chinatown. I’ve long thought that the Supernatural universe must have a line on backroom deals like this, so it’s nice to see that confirmed. Dean hands the doctor an envelope of cash and a letter for Ben and gets killed for compensation. Tessa comes to reap Dean. TESSA! A recurring female character who isn’t evil or a damsel in distress! I didn’t know I had been missing you, lady, but, boy, have I. Welcome back, dear girl. So Dean’s like, “Get me an audience with Death,” and Tessa’s like, “It don’t work that way,” but they don’t get too far into the line of thought before Death himself shows up. Of course he does. He’s ballin’. Dean wants Adam (aw, nice to think of little Adam!) and Sam’s souls lifted from the cage, settles for Sam’s when Death offers only one, and wants it fixed. Just when I start to wonder what Dean is offering in exchange, Death realizes it’s his ring but already knows where it is. Death makes Dean a deal: Dean wears the ring for 24 hours. If he can manage it, Death will retrieve Sam’s soul. Death will build a dam in Sam’s mind to make him forget whatever he’s experienced in Hell, but it may not be able to hold back the tide. If Dean takes off the ring or fails to discharge his duties, all deals are off. Despite what Soulless Sammy quite reasonably pointed out a few weeks back, Dean accepts this deal. Dean asks why this deal is on offer but gets sucked back into his body before he can learn the answer. He bitches about missing that last remark, and the doctor points out that Dean was down for seven minutes instead of the promised three. Great, now we’re supposed to put our trust in Brain Damaged Dean.

On the one hand, “Caged Heat” is a perfectly acceptable episode of Supernatural. Given the season we’ve had so far, I would happy to let perfectly acceptable see me through the season. On the other hand, it raises a couple of confusing questions. Metaphysical ones, to be sure, given Soulless Sammy, but also other, less spiritual questions like, “Can someone wash Dean’s mouth out with soap?”

Iridium Does an Alpha Bad

Crowley’s chained to a chair, being interrogating by . . . Soulless Sammy and Dean? Nope, Crowley. Seems he bagged himself an alpha. Alpha Shifter doesn’t know where purgatory is and doesn’t care if Crowley flays a nursery of his children to get the information he doesn’t have. Though iridium (not silver) works on him, even that’s not getting Crowley anywhere. So Crowley chops the alpha’s head off with a machete. Bye, Alpha!

I am sorry I didn’t get to this recap sooner, as it’s the first Season Six episode of Supernatural that isn’t Bobby- or Castiel-heavy that I loved. “Clap Your Hands if You Believe” actually starts out un-promisingly inasmuch as the X-Files rip will no doubt pale in comparison to the glory of “Changing Channels” and we already know that it’s not aliens, it’s faeries. On the other hand, how could Dean bellowing at Sam to “get those faeries” from the back of a black and white ever be a bad thing?

Let’s skip over most of the first twenty minutes, given what we know. Notable: Misha Collins’ credits only appearance and Soulless Sammy getting kind of hilariously angry at a lady who insists it isn’t aliens but faeries who have taken the fine citizens of Elwood, Indiana. Dean drags him off, and Soulless Sammy’s like, “What?” Dean: “Do you have to ask? Oh, you do have to ask.” Delusional Dean explains that the Sam of yore would have gifted the crazy lady with his Super Special Puppy Dog eyes. That hasn’t been true for years, and Dean admitted as much in “Jump the Shark,” but I can see how having Zombie Sam riding shotgun might have Dean wanting to return to a simpler, gentler, “too precious for this world” time. Soulless Sammy wonders if Dean wants him to fake having a soul. “Yes. Yes! Fake it. Fake it ‘til you make it.” And just like that, I love Dean again. Soulless Sammy points out that he was faking it before, and it was “exhausting” (how can you be exhausted yet not need sleep?).

Posing as journalists, Soulless Sammy and Dean question the Watchmaker, whose son was the first to get abducted. He’s suspicious enough that Soulless Sammy needs to be dragged off before he pulls out his daddy’s tools. Dean assigns Soulless Sammy to tail the Watchmaker while he investigates the crop circle where the abduction took place.

There are probably worse things that Supernatural could do (luxuriate in the ANGST like it used to, perhaps?), but why are we watching episodes as boring as last week's "All Dogs Go to Heaven"? When we know the show can give us "Weekend at Bobby's," why do they think we'll stand for this dog's breakfast?

In all honesty, an ep like "Dogs" isn't boring because it's poorly directed or written or acted or cast or anything of the sort. It's boring because it's wheel spinning. We see what appears to be werewolf attacks and eventually learn that they are the handiwork of a "skin walker," a human who can transform into the shape of a dog (or possibly any animal?) at will. Sam and Dean track down a Cujo who's actually broken his pack's rules by enacting vengeance on behalf of the family that took him in. Sam wants to follow the doggy all the way up to the top, snag the Alpha, and trade him for his soul, but Dean's still in his moralist snit about 1) working with Crowley (unlike, say, when they worked with him to save the damn world) and 2) not into handing over Alphas to be tortured. So in the end Sam and Dean take out the entire pack, save Lucky, our murderous dog from the opening who trots off down the road like The Littlest Hobo.

It has all the elements of a solid episode, but it ends up more or less giving us exactly what we got the week before in "Family Matters." Break it down:

Last week's Supernatural, "Family Matters," got to the bottom of Sam's deal. And that's about all that happened. There was also some alpha stuff and some Grandpa's deal, but it was all so boring that it's hard to say if anything else happened. Oh, wait, some Campbells died. That was good.

Do you have soul? That all depends.

Damn, Dean really was trying to beat the pretty clean off his baby brother's face. Sam looks like shit. Dean's got him lashed to a chair, and Castiel's there for an examination. It yields nothing, so Castiel's going to have to do that thing he did in "The Third Man" to read that kid's soul. Cas advises Sam to go to a place of serenity and also bite down on this belt. When he's done, Castiel reports that Sam came back from Hell with no soul. Dean's flabbergasted and more than a little miffed at Sammy, and I'll admit that his anger was lost on me. It's not like Sam just forgot his soul or intentionally left it behind or sold it (*pointed look*). How's he supposed to know that his soul is missing? He told Dean things were different, but he didn't know how. Dean's going to go be pissed about this for the rest of the episode, so I'll just side step the whys and wherefores for now. After the soul grope, Castiel heals Sam. He hates to see pretty go to waste. Dean's all gung-ho about leaving Sam tied to that chair until his soul can be restored or until Dean kills him, but Sam's had enough. He hulks out of his bindings and tells Dean that he's not going to keep him in this hotel room or Bobby's panic room or anywhere else. Ah, don't diss the panic room! Despite his attitude, Dean accepts that trying to beat the pretty off Sam every week probably isn't a good long term plan. They need to track down Sam's soul. Has he got any ideas? Sam's got one. Crowley?

What's that, Supernatural? You have a completely solid episode to show me? Good MotW, good gore, good season arc advancement?  A little taste of Castiel? Where have you been all my life, "You Can't Handle the Truth"?

Forsooth, Friday's entry in to the Supernatural canon was exactly what I've been waiting for this season. All things considered, six episodes isn't too long to take to find one's footing, and one of those episodes was "Weekend at Bobby's." If the rest of the season plays out like "You Can't Handle the Truth," it will be just fine by me.

We open with a little pixie of a waitress doing a first date rehash with someone over the phone. She ends the call with a request for the truth. Pretty soon, she's getting the truth from all angles: the cook thinks she's pathetic, the manager thinks the other waitress is much hotter, and the busboy says she gives him the creeps. By the time kindly old grannies are confessing to murders and little girls are planning them, waitress has grabbed the six shooter from the till and called back her friend from earlier. Instead of support and comfort, the woman on the other end of the line tells our little pixie of a waitress that she's a freak who should go ahead and kill herself. So she does. She blows her brains out all over the restaurant's sign (which leaves the "happy" part dripping with blood). Hee! Oh, show. 

Going into last night’s The Vampire Diaries, “Masquerade,” we knew two things: that Stefan and Damon were going to kill Katherine and that Matt was going to die to turn Tyler, which mean that we knew one more thing: neither of these characters were going to die. Not that The Vampire Diaries isn’t the kind of show that goes around just killing characters for the heck of it – because it so is and that’s one of the many reasons we love it – but because it’s too soon to kill Katherine and killing Matt would just be a waste. The great thing about this show, though, is that you’re actually on the edge of your seat wondering how these plots will be thwarted. And that how? Is so awesome. I love this show.

Because I’m Going to Kill Her

Eternal Fireplace. “Masquerade” begins with the now classic intercut intro. Damon’s administering a calming tumbler of blood to a shaken Caroline while prompting her to run the story by a newly arrived Stefan. Caroline’s story is cut with delightful little editorials from Damon. The gist: Katherine’s down at the Grill impersonating Elena. In the bathroom, she once again uses Caroline as her messenger: tell Damon and Stefan that I want the moonstone tonight at the masquerade ball. Having something Katherine wants is one thing, but having an opportunity is something neither brother can pass up. Damon immediately crows that he’s going to kill Katherine, and Stefan goes, “No, you’re not.” This goes back and forth for a short while because Somerhalder and Wesley have got the brother thing down pat, but finally Damon is like, “This is no time for your humanity, bro,” and Stefan tells the truth, “You're not going to kill her. [beat] Because I’m going to kill her.” Aw, hells ya.

If every episode of Season 6 were like "Weekend at Bobby's," I'd want to see the show go on for another six seasons. Too bad it looks like things will be more like last night's Supernatural, "Live Free or Twihard." It's a solid premise, and it goes pretty well at first: Pretty young vampires are using teen girls' Twilight fantasies to lure them out. Robert and Kristen meet twice at some club set up exclusively for these fantasies, repeating dialogue and scene-lets directly from the movies. Robert's even doing a credible Robert Pattinson. I am highly amused by the whole thing, including how massively stupid Kristen is. Soon enough, he's got her down a dark alley and those fangs he pointed to were real. Whoops! Bye, Kristen!

As monster of the week sets ups go, it's excellent. Even after that, as sleuthing begins, it's a pretty good episode. Whereas Dean calls Bobby when they need intel, Sam leans on and takes his marching orders from Grandpa Samuel. He thinks six missing girls and a jacked blood donor truck means serious business.  The camera, btw, spends about one hundred hours making sure you understand that this is a blood delivery truck. My viewing companion wonders why they need the blood bags if they've got the fresh stuff, and I reply, "Making babies," which I then further clarify as "for newborn vampires."

The Winchesters lie to some highly uninterested and never seen again dad to gain access to Kristen's hilarious goth room, littered with vampire romance novels and cardboard cutouts and bad poetry. The show doesn't even bother showing us which lie the boys used to get in the door. They crack Kristen's laptop and hit the bar where she met Robert, pegging two guys as possible vamps. Sam cruises one into a basement storage room and slices off his head. We sigh, remembering how awesome it was when he sliced Gordon's head off with razor wire. Dean learns that his young squire is just trying to get laid and remarks, "I'll be damned," when he learns that putting glitter on really can help you get laid. Since we've all seen Buffy, we know what saying, "I'll be damned," in a dark alley means. Vampired! Yup, the big guy Robert handed Kristen off to in the opening appears, calls Dean pretty, beats him up, and forces blood down his throat while Sam watches with an evil little smirk on his face.

Last Friday's Supernatural, "The Third Man," gave the fans some of what they are looking for (shirtless Winchesters, great gore, the return of Castiel) but somehow still managed to miss the mark. On the plus side, I think I'm starting to get a handle on what's missing. 

In Easter, PA, a cop goes from nicking himself shaving to bleeding out every which place to totally liquefying in the locker room. Amazing!

Dean's snoozing in bed with no shirt on, then wakes up for some morning nookie with Lisa. Yup, that's a dream. In the meantime, shirtless Sammy is going through his morning workout routine while his hooker from the night before freshens up, offers a full service freebie, and gets denied. Not a dream. Also, fanservice!

While "Two and a Half Men" wasn't a 100% perfect episode of Supernatural, it certainly made me less wary of the season ahead: good action, good gore, and -- thank goodness -- Metallicar finally hits the road. Show, there may be life in you yet.

Evil Baby!

A woman with blood-covered hands is running through her home with her baby cradled in her arms. She hides under the bed, where the body of her no doubt husband's exsanguinated corpse nearly causes her to scream, but she waits for the screaming to commence when something drags her out by her ankles and hacks her to bits (or something. Point is, she does bloodily) while her baby lies calmly under the bed. The only way this baby could be so calm is if it's an Evil Baby. Hurrah! Creepy kids is one of the things this show does best.

Having watched and had the opportunity to sit with Supernatural's season six opener, "Exile on Main St.," I'm still not sure how I feel about it. Exit Eric Kripke, exit his five year plan, exit the show's lifeblood. Entre Sera Gamble, a writer/story editor/producer who's been with the show from the start, to bring it through its sixth and final season. It's a tough row to hoe, no doubt about it. But where is she going with it?

Something or someone pulled Sam up and Grandpa Samuel down (and I have my issues with this), and they've been hunting for a year while Dean plays house with Lisa and Ben. He's good at it, too, having a few beers with the doomed neighbour and not drinking quite so much malt liquor at home. But then there are the weird slashes he keeps seeing around town, the sulfur at the base of a garden shed. Suddenly Yellow Eyes is there, a terrifying vision that Dean will never shake. Or at least not until Not At All Dead Sammy comes up and plunges a hypodermic needle into his chest.

There's a monster of the week, a family of Djinn who wants revenge for "What Is and What Should Never Be." Family's a big thing this season. Seems there were plenty of distant Campbells ready to take up hunting after Mary's line seemingly petered out (nice of you to reach out to John when he took up the job, assholes). They beat the Djinn, secretly (from Darling Revenant Sammy) taking one hostage for torture or whatever other nefarious purpose (one cousin did have a handsome set of chains set up in his truck), and Dean opts to stick it out with Lisa and Ben now that he's found something new to feel guilty about to protect them from the danger he invited into their lives. He does offer Sam the Metallicar (poor baby's hidden away under a tarp), but Sam's sticking to his Mustang (?). He's got it set up just the way he likes it. I have a feeling it smells a little nicer, too. Unless he's been eating burritos.

I get that it's the last season and all, but moving Supernatural to Fridays at 9 p.m.? After the apparently immortal Smallville? When a show's so bad that even I stop watching it, how bad do you think it must be? The Vampire Diaries followed by Supernatural was one of the most perfect fits ever seen on that network. The WB once paired Buffy the Vampire Slayer with 7th Heaven, for pity's sake.

Also, there is no point in yet another Nikita since this one is unlikely to star Roy Dupuis, famous Canadian hottie actor.

Gossip Girl remains as it was, so at least we can comfort ourselves with that.

Just like you always knew it would. Yes, one of the most important props in the history of television, Supernatural's third main character, saved the world in "Swan Song." It's about time that car got its props instead of a girly dreamcatcher in the trunk and Sam sticking a knife in her upholstery two weeks ago. 'Bout time she got some respect.

And that's about all that happened last Thursday. I know 'cause I watched the episode twice. Now, I feel kind of bad for beating up on the show, especially since a) I heard this was how the show's finale was supposed to go down, sixth season renewal be damned, b) endings are indeed difficult, and c) they have a lot of live up to, finale-wise. I mean, CRASH!, Sam dies/Dean sells his soul, Dean goes to Hell, Sam unleashes Lucifer? This show never pulls its punches in a finale. The latter no doubt plays a role in why this finale was such a let down. That, and it was boring as fuck.

I love the Ackles, I love Padalecki, I love the Ackles and Padalecki together (dirty!). But let me tell you something: I would not have built a finale around 18 million conversations between the two of them, punctuated by Padalecki making faces at himself in the mirror. That's just not the way I would have gone. 

Last night's episode of Supernatural, "Two Minutes to Midnight" featured Sam, Dean, Bobby, Crowley, and Castiel together in one room, so I may have missed something while begging the director for a wide shot to show them all in the same place at the same time. I'm sure you want to hear about the Winchesters got the remaining two rings, though, so let's focus on those for right now. 

Pestilence

Our buddy is hanging out at an old folks home a retirement community, cooking up various disease combinations for his amusement. The boys get the tip that that's where they can find him, so they're off to slice off his finger. When Pestilence's aide de camp notices the Winchesters, she suggests they book it before Pestilence loses his ring, but, oh no. Pestilence (Matt Frewer) is ticked that they've offed his brothers, so he wants to take it out of their asses. Nice work, Sera Gamble, on continuing the verbal symmetry two weeks in a row! Anyway, they're rolling around on the ground dying of syphilis and whatnot (at least in Dean's case, I doubt Pestilence put it there, and also, that's the second time this season a beastie gave one of them an STI) when Castiel busts in. Castiel's kind of human at the moment (more in this in a minute), so he's initially floored by the disease wave as well. He pulls it together enough to cut off Pestilence's finger in a nice through the glass table shot. Pestilence cryptically tells them "it's too late" before evaporating into the ether.

Mark Sheppard, you can come on this show anytime. Seriously, is he not the shot in the arm that this show needs?

Last Thursday's episode, "The Devil You Know," was a lot of set up for the finale and very little in the way of anything else, which is just as well. We also decided to go back and dredge up some shit from the series première for reasons quite beyond me. Jessica's death has been dealt with, show. Let it go.

The Good Stuff (a.k.a. The Crowley Stuff)

Last night's episode of Supernatural, "Hammer of the Gods," was a mixed bag but not for the usual reasons. Dean, saints be praised, already has more pep in his step, and even pulled out some of the false braggadocio I longed for last week. Plus: CALLED IT!

Dean and Sam roll up to the Elysian Fields Motel, a suspiciously nice place off some deserted highway near Muncie, Indiana (I think. I usually miss the location, but I think I got it this time). Dim Dean's ready to sit back and enjoy, but Sam's immediately suspicious, more so when the newlyweds next door suddenly disappear but leave the engagement ring behind. Sure enough, there's a walk-in fridge full of people waiting to be devoured by the cross-cultural gods who descended and dressed the place up to lure the Winchesters. If they can come to terms with each other, they'll use the Winchesters as bargaining chips in the "Judeo-Christian Apocalypse" (more on this in a minute). 

Gabriel, who is still Loki to the assembled, shows up to spring our heroes from this surely stupid plan, but it backfires when his former lover Kali (an awesome Rekha Sharma) figures out that he's an angel and uses his own sword (guess archangels just call them swords) to gank him. Dean pulls out some of that false braggadocio I love so well and comes up with a new plan on the spot: they'll use Sam as bait to lure Lucifer (right after the gods somehow scrub the Enochian from his ribs, and the look on Sam's face at the prospect really sold that scene). Once there, the gods can use Gabriel's sword to smite Lucifer, putting an end to all this end-of-the-world nonsense. Finally, a sentiment I can get behind (well, two including the no world-ending stuff): without any specific play, the brothers will try anything to forestall Lucifer. This throw-it-at-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks approach is true to the show and true to the characters. I can understand why 22 episodes of it might not have worked, but, with three more to go, it feels just right.

N.B. Extreme delay in publication due to technical issues.

Since “99 Problems” let us know that Dean was off to say yes to Michael, I spent the next week wondering when, how, and for what reason Dean would end up saying no in “Point of No Return.” And since I’m kind of sick of Dean lately anyway and I’ve always loved Castiel, imagine my delight in discovering that mainly, Cass was not having it.

Dean’s writing suicide notes and drinking iced tea off in some isolated motel when Sam finds him. Dean, hilariously, is not as crafty as he thinks he is. Since Dean’s not about to abandon his plan, he suggests that he and Sam throw down over it, further adding that Sam’s unlikely to win this time without the help of demon blood (note: this is the first of many verbal slaps between the brothers, so, if genuine animosity between the two of them is like an knife in your heart as it is mine, this episode must have hurt). Fortunately, Sam remembered that he sucks at hand-to-hand, so he has Castiel zap Dean back to Bobby’s place.

I always thought it would be my friends that would push me into Samgirl territory. With the exception of one Johnny Come Lately who's only in the second season, every single person I know who watches the show is a Deangirl. Jensen Ackles is mega talented, so throwing that pretty face into the mix is just dirty pool. Sometimes I find myself gravitating slightly more toward Sam just to be contrary (that and The Chest and a winning way with physical comedy). But in Thursday's episode, "99 Problems" (but a bitch ain't one), I realized my Sam/Dean real problem: Dean's a quitter. Sam's a fighter.

We're dropped in the middle of the action (I briefly worried that we were starting in the middle of the episode and backing up 72 hours earlier or similar, a trope I can no longer stand) with a bloodied Sam and Dean on the run from a gaggle of demons and saved by a Lutheran militia with a holy water fire truck and a lightening quick Enochian exorcism. Hey, look, Ma! The Apocalypse is on! Only in small town continental U.S., but it's a start. Misters Winchester decide to stick around. The town's survival is down to Leah, preacher's daughter and prophet.

Leah's pushing the town more and more toward scary survivalist compound, which Sam has the good sense to find suspicious (Sam to Dean: "She just outlawed 90% of your personality."). Dean, however, sits down for a talk about faith with Leah because, as previously noted, the fight's gone out of him. It should also be noted that it's completely understandable why, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.