When Blair said that on last Monday’s Gossip Girl, “Panic Roommate,” I may have yelled, “THESIS STATEMENT.” Because, seriously, if Gossip Girl had a central idea, it would be “scheming and burlesque,” right? Also, I hope Jacob took that as a massive shout out. Otherwise, though I haven’t been recapping, I have been watching, and Gossip Girl is still doing everything I love: Serena’s moves on to the next guy as soon as the first gets close, Blair’s up to her eyes in a scheme of her own making, Dan’s hating, Chuck’s making faces, and Nate’s getting pimped. Yay!

Ex-Con Estates

So get this: Goofus (he’s Goofus all episode long, no?) didn’t even ask Dan if it would be okay to move an ex-con into the loft. He brought it up once and just assumed that Dan would be on board because . . . Ben was falsely accused? Making up for Lily’s lies is Goofus’ full time job now? Maybe Dan should show a little gratitude toward his totally rent-free existence? I would argue the last, but Goofus is probably thinking the first. So Dan immediately goes running to Eric with what he perceives as a serious problem.

Last night's episode of Gossip Girl, "It's a Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad World," featured something I never thought I'd see: Dan Humphrey makes sense two weeks in a row. I know! In a episode with Will wreaking havoc all over the UES and UWS, Columbia being a real place and not just part of Nate's fairy tale, and Lily's Fake Cancer, it's pretty much just an episode of shock. Plus, real emotions! Ah, Gossip Girl. I've missed you.

Will/Lily/Rufus/Holland

Will's all, "Good progress, Lily!" in response to whatever non-cancer symptoms Lily is showing, like wearing a pink dress with a pink ribbon in her hair (breast cancer?) or suggesting that she's going to eat a waffle. Serena's so excited that she actually asks Rufus to "scoot" to make room for Will at a family brunch. She also decides to move back in to Prada Mafia (I know the art says PRADA MARFA, but I always misread it as "PRADA MAFIA." Let's just pretend that's what it says) in part to be close to her mother and in part to spite Jenny, up to the point of reclaiming her old room and throwing Jenny's clothes out of the closet (hilarious: it's a shot of endless black and grey items). Now, this might get you confused about what room Jenny was staying in before, but don't bother. Even the internal geography of apartments makes no sense on this show. Will decides to show Serena up by announcing that he plans to into their building as soon as the co-op board approves. Also, everyone's invited to a gala Columbia is hosting in Will's honour (a.k.a. the Party Everyone Ends Up At). In an unusual moment, Serena mentions inviting Nate and Blair to the gala to meet Will (not that we see this) instead of them just showing up for no reason.

I cannot believe this didn't occur to me sooner. Normally I like my pop culture worlds to remains discrete (e.g. I don't spend a lot of time wondering what would happen if we got Edward some TruBlood because: Bill), but in last night's episode of True Blood (this season's penultimate), Eric did something that I knew I had seen somewhere before. To wit:

Blair's expression, while not moving in any way, somehow becomes totally terrifying. It is one of the greatest parts of this or any other episode. 

That's from Jacob's recap of The Ex Files, season 2, episode 4 of Gossip Girl.

I love Tomato Nation for a variety of reasons (the Vine, movie reviews, true crime novel obsession), but I mostly just love it for the writing. Sars (a.k.a. Sarah D. Bunting) has this great no bullshit attitude that's witty and honest and sometimes quite moving. She's a feminist, a couch potato, and a pop culture junkie, which makes her my kind of people. More importantly, she and other fantastic peeps (many from her Television Without Pity days, and did I mention she co-founded that site, too?) are tackling The Crushed Film Festival. What are they writing about? The shitty movies they watch just to see a favourite hottie. Aw, who hasn't been there?