I’d share with the extent of my disappointment with the last couple episodes of True Blood, but, since my 32 day-old computer died, I can’t really. Suffice it to say that I put a hell of lot of effort into “I Wish I Was The Moon” and none into “Cold Grey Light of Dawn” since it was largely about people feeling their feelings. Last night’s episode, “Spellbound,” got a bit more into the action, though some of it still felt  like wheel-spinning and contrivance for contrivance’s sake. Still, Hot Bill, Eric and Sookie getting stoned, and Martonia getting a pet aren’t so bad. Lafayette getting possessed and thus further drawn into that damnable baby plotline? Not so much. Where’s Jesus when you need him?

Silver is Not like a Band-Aid

Jessica’s all ready to bust open the doors and die very slowly and painfully out in the sun (remember, the younger a vamp is, the slower s/he burns). Fortunately, Jason’s there to jump her, boot the doors shut, and wrap darling Jessica in Bill’s zebra rug. Heh. Bill’s redecoration has not gotten old for me. Did he hire someone? I mean, surely to do all the work, but did he hire someone to help him with the colour palette and all that? My favourite thing about Bill is what Bill gets up to when we’re not looking, e.g., buying a Wii and Fresca, and that hasn’t changed over four seasons. It’s just icing that Bill is hot all the time now.

If “She’s Not There,” was set up, then last night’s True Blood, “You Smell Like Dinner,” is rapid payoff. Sure, a lot of it is just pushing forward everyone’s season arcs, but it feels less like soapy wheel spinning (secrets and lies) and more like actual things happening. Say what you will about True Blood; this show can cram a helluva lot of plot into an hour. Check it: Tara’s back, Crystal’s back, Bill flashes back, Eric flashes back, Sookie runs all over town trying to figure out how not to be Eric’s, and Pam gives some really good advice. Also, Louis Pasteur? Total vampire. Someone update that entry, STAT.

Two Sookies Enter, Only One Can Leave

Despite how we left things, with Eric advancing on Sookie fangs out and Sookie’s robe in his hand, Sookie’s hurrying down the stairs of Stackhouse Shack while tying her robe and denying that she will ever be Eric’s. Alright, let’s just get this one out of the way upfront, so we can concentrate on the proceedings: WHAT KIND OF AN IDIOT DOESN’T WANT TO BE ERIC’S? SIGN ME UP! Ahem. Right, so, Eric zips down the stairs and tells it like it is: Sookie’s blood tastes like freedom and sunshine. While vampires may not realize it or why, that’s what they smell when they smell her. Sookie asks petulantly if Eric is threatening her (get a clue, Sook). He explains that on the contrary, Sookie’s going to need protection, and, straightening up to his full height of GIANT, he can offer that protection. Sookie will take her chances and flounces off to the kitchen, but Eric’s not going to rest his case quite that fast. He also, as you may recall, owns this house. Sookie snaps back that the house doesn’t come with her inside it, and Eric fires off that if that is the case, he “grossly overpaid.” I still think it’s gross that Eric considers Sookie transitive property or property of any kind, really.

Last week’s The Vampire Diaries, “The Last Day,” proved two things: Damon is love’s bitch, and there’s little anyone can do to stop Klaus. Not that I think Elena is going to die (I’ve watched TV before, babies), but there’s no telling what the exact outcome will be. Also, the CW Rochester STILL has flippin’ sound problems during VD broadcasts. Get it together, network.

Magic Elixir Does the Body Good

The ep opens with shirtless Damon, and one of my viewing companions opines that all eps should start this way. Downstairs in front of Eternal Fireplace, Elijah is recapping the truth about the curse for Stefan and now Damon. Damon’s all about power player Bonnie, but Elena – natch – is still tweaking about her best girl dying. Damon: “I'll write her a great eulogy.”  I can only imagine! “In the months since I tried to rip Bonnie’s throat out, we developed a steamy sexual chemistry that forced us to no longer share the screen because the writers weren’t pushing a dirty, dirty vamp-witchy romance. I sure as hell thought about it, but it didn’t happen. Anyway, turns out she was cool beans. Now she’s dead. See ya, Bon-Bon! Have fun with other Bitches of Eastwick serving nature in the great beyond!”

I just watched last week’s The Vampire Diaries last night, so I don’t really have time to give “Klaus” the full recap treatment. But! I do need to talk about how the sun and the moon curse doesn’t exist because this shit is genius.

I’ll admit that I wasn’t too jazzed about a Klaus backstory ep. It seems like filler to me. I should have known better, though, because Vampire Diaries don’t play that way. “Klaus” wasn’t as action packed as “The Last Dance” or my hero “Masquerade,” but it did give us the answer we’ve all been waiting for: why the curse matters to Klaus. As an Original, he’s not bound by the sun, so what else is there? I’ll tell you what: there is no sun and moon curse. There is only one curse, it’s only on Klaus, and it’s to quell his vampire-werewolf hybrid nature. YES! He’s Scott Speedman in Underworld! Sadly not played by Scott Speedman, but still. Here’s how that goes.

Klaus and his six brothers and sisters, including ELIJAH, make up the Originals. Don’t ask me how because Elijah didn’t want to get into the specifics. Except Klaus, you see, is the product of an affair between their mother and the father of a werewolf clan (werewolves predate vampires, it turns out). A vampire-werewolf hybrid is too powerful and has no natural balance, so the servants of nature (i.e. witches, now called eco-warriors) put a curse on Klaus to limit him to vampire. Klaus seeks to break the curse because it’s all about power. It’s all about power being, of course, a conclusion I can get behind.

There are probably worse things that Supernatural could do (luxuriate in the ANGST like it used to, perhaps?), but why are we watching episodes as boring as last week's "All Dogs Go to Heaven"? When we know the show can give us "Weekend at Bobby's," why do they think we'll stand for this dog's breakfast?

In all honesty, an ep like "Dogs" isn't boring because it's poorly directed or written or acted or cast or anything of the sort. It's boring because it's wheel spinning. We see what appears to be werewolf attacks and eventually learn that they are the handiwork of a "skin walker," a human who can transform into the shape of a dog (or possibly any animal?) at will. Sam and Dean track down a Cujo who's actually broken his pack's rules by enacting vengeance on behalf of the family that took him in. Sam wants to follow the doggy all the way up to the top, snag the Alpha, and trade him for his soul, but Dean's still in his moralist snit about 1) working with Crowley (unlike, say, when they worked with him to save the damn world) and 2) not into handing over Alphas to be tortured. So in the end Sam and Dean take out the entire pack, save Lucky, our murderous dog from the opening who trots off down the road like The Littlest Hobo.

It has all the elements of a solid episode, but it ends up more or less giving us exactly what we got the week before in "Family Matters." Break it down:

Last week’s The Vampire Diaries, “Rose,” was a little lacking in the holy shit compared to “Masquerade.” Of course, it’s hard not to do. Perhaps they were simply observing the cardinal rule of taking it down a notch to avoid blowing one’s wad. If so, well played. We got deeper into the Petrova mystery, Bonnie’s witchy powers, and Salvatore heartbreak. Also, did I mention the ROAD TRIP? Let’s go.

ROAD TRIP

Stefan’s chillin’ like a villain at school (I take a minute to laugh at this continued pretence). Jeremy strolls up to point out that’s easier to get someone to cover for you if you give that someone a heads up. Stefan doesn’t know what Jer’s talking about, and it pretty soon they both realize that Elena’s unaccounted for. Stefan is going to have a meltdown.

If every episode of Season 6 were like "Weekend at Bobby's," I'd want to see the show go on for another six seasons. Too bad it looks like things will be more like last night's Supernatural, "Live Free or Twihard." It's a solid premise, and it goes pretty well at first: Pretty young vampires are using teen girls' Twilight fantasies to lure them out. Robert and Kristen meet twice at some club set up exclusively for these fantasies, repeating dialogue and scene-lets directly from the movies. Robert's even doing a credible Robert Pattinson. I am highly amused by the whole thing, including how massively stupid Kristen is. Soon enough, he's got her down a dark alley and those fangs he pointed to were real. Whoops! Bye, Kristen!

As monster of the week sets ups go, it's excellent. Even after that, as sleuthing begins, it's a pretty good episode. Whereas Dean calls Bobby when they need intel, Sam leans on and takes his marching orders from Grandpa Samuel. He thinks six missing girls and a jacked blood donor truck means serious business.  The camera, btw, spends about one hundred hours making sure you understand that this is a blood delivery truck. My viewing companion wonders why they need the blood bags if they've got the fresh stuff, and I reply, "Making babies," which I then further clarify as "for newborn vampires."

The Winchesters lie to some highly uninterested and never seen again dad to gain access to Kristen's hilarious goth room, littered with vampire romance novels and cardboard cutouts and bad poetry. The show doesn't even bother showing us which lie the boys used to get in the door. They crack Kristen's laptop and hit the bar where she met Robert, pegging two guys as possible vamps. Sam cruises one into a basement storage room and slices off his head. We sigh, remembering how awesome it was when he sliced Gordon's head off with razor wire. Dean learns that his young squire is just trying to get laid and remarks, "I'll be damned," when he learns that putting glitter on really can help you get laid. Since we've all seen Buffy, we know what saying, "I'll be damned," in a dark alley means. Vampired! Yup, the big guy Robert handed Kristen off to in the opening appears, calls Dean pretty, beats him up, and forces blood down his throat while Sam watches with an evil little smirk on his face.

Last Friday's Supernatural, "The Third Man," gave the fans some of what they are looking for (shirtless Winchesters, great gore, the return of Castiel) but somehow still managed to miss the mark. On the plus side, I think I'm starting to get a handle on what's missing. 

In Easter, PA, a cop goes from nicking himself shaving to bleeding out every which place to totally liquefying in the locker room. Amazing!

Dean's snoozing in bed with no shirt on, then wakes up for some morning nookie with Lisa. Yup, that's a dream. In the meantime, shirtless Sammy is going through his morning workout routine while his hooker from the night before freshens up, offers a full service freebie, and gets denied. Not a dream. Also, fanservice!

And thank goodness for that. Last night’s The Vampire Diaries, “Brave New World,” focused largely on newbie vampire Caroline, which is just as well, as newbie vampire Caroline rocks. Damon’s put moping on hold for a new obsession with the male Lockwoods, Bonnie’s taste in men still needs a little work, and Elena just wants to ride the Ferris wheel. Ah, high school.

Blood Does a Body Good

Caroline wakes up from Katherine’s murder disoriented and hungry. The night nurse tries to blow Caroline off, but she grabs a bag of blood from the IV across the hall. Tough luck, that guy! Caroline downs some blood, grosses herself out, and downs some more. At no point does Caroline question her thirst for blood. She just keeps drinking it.

I watched the trailer for the second half of Season 3 on Saturday, so I was pretty pumped for last night's True Blood entry, "Hitting the Ground." This week, like last, pieces were being moved around for a big payoff come the finale, but it was a lot more exciting to see. I just hope that payoff's the answer to the eternal question: What are you? In the meantime, more stakings and shootings than you can shake a stick at (though why would you? Never brandish a stake if you're not going to use it).

After getting her taste, that's exactly the question Lorena asks Sookie. Sookie, however, has no time for existentialism: I'm the bitch that's gonna kill you, she replies. Lorena's doubtful, but Bill's managed to drag his ass up off the ground, and he throws his silver manacles around Lorena's neck and gestures for Sookie to grab a stake. She does but worries that she'll hit Bill through Lorena. Well, until Lorena stops squirming and fighting and simply declares, "I love you, William." That's about all Sookie can take, so Bill pushes Lorena off him just enough for Sookie to get the stake through safely. Lorena explodes spectacularly, and Bill passes out. When no amount of "BILL!"s can revive him, Sookie settles for screaming, "HELP ME!" Cue credits.

Bill Burrito

Last night’s episode of True Blood, “I Got a Right to Sing the Blues,” despite the 18A warning at the beginning and a few “holy shit!” moments, wasn’t exactly the stuff of wonders. Pieces were getting moved around for pay off later. Lots of shirtless Bill but not in a good way, teeny dash of naked Alcide but not until the very end, continuously sweatered Eric. On the other hand, I did offer to marry that sea foam cashmere sweater, so make of that what you will. Engagements, escapes, and at least one vampire goes splat. Actually, maybe this episode was better than I thought.

Mississippi

Russell and his goons are dragging Bill and Sookie into Nutt’s Folly (Alcide and Cooter are mysteriously absent) and the music is dramatic as fuck and then Eric, Talbot, and Lorena roll in, and that’s when all hell breaks loose. Bill breaks off a table leg and stakes the melted face vamp from last week and jumps on Russell’s shoulders to stake him (Bill’s a monkey?), but Russell shrugs him off. Just shrugs and sends Bill flying into the ceiling. “I’m 3000 years old!” he yells, as if a vamp of less than 200 years could stake him. Talbot’s having a meltdown over their ruined home (I’ll admit that a Bill-shaped crater in my ceiling would put me off, too), so Russell tasks Eric with keeping an eye on Sookie and Lorena with killing the treasonous Bill while he tends to his lover. Bill and Sookie are begging Eric to help Sookie, and Eric decides to put his revenge first. He laughs in their faces, all “Ha-ha, help the human!” Sookie is surely of interest to his Queen, he admits, but humans are beneath him. Also, men are his thing, just FYI. I love that Eric can flirt just by towering over someone. Lorena, meanwhile, looks like someone slapped her at the mere sight of Sookie (why, why can’t she ever be free of this waitress?) and stricken to have to take Bill to the “slave quarters.” Lorena and Sookie get into it over Bill. Lorena: “Without that sanctimonious little prick Godric to save you, I would just love to rip you open and wear your ribcage as a hat.” Let me tell you how insane that line is: 1) Lorena watched Buffy and took her imagery, “wear your ribcage has a hat,” from our little slayer and 2) Eric has no reaction to the categorization of Godric as a “sanctimonious little prick.” He must be really hell bent on vengeance because otherwise that’s a stakable offence, right?

There was plenty of “Trouble” to be had in last night’s True Blood: Sam finally got a clue about his grody bio-family, Russell finally got a clue about Sookie’s real deal, and Eric finally got the Operation Werewolf clue he was looking for.

Franklin, Tara, and Talbot have moved from the foyer to the dining room, where Franklin is busy crossing Tara’s legs and fluffing her hair and generally treating her like a Real Doll. Pretty soon Franklin and Talbot are hissing at each other, fangs out, so that’s when the thoroughly bloodied Russell, Lorena, and Bill wander in, the former two laughing and the latter one making sad Bill faces like he always does. I love that blood doesn’t wash on this show. It’s all over them. On Lorena’s back, even! Sidebar: I recently re-watched the Buffy pilot, “Welcome to the Hellmouth” and “The Harvest,” and it was a curiously bloodless affair. I’m so accustomed to grue that I kind of surprised at the innocence of it all. Even Stefan had blood dripping from his mouth on the CW (née the WB) this year. Anyway, Tara’s all, “WTF, Bill? HELP ME!” Bill: “No.” Credits!

Franklin and Tara, Together Forever

I get that it's the last season and all, but moving Supernatural to Fridays at 9 p.m.? After the apparently immortal Smallville? When a show's so bad that even I stop watching it, how bad do you think it must be? The Vampire Diaries followed by Supernatural was one of the most perfect fits ever seen on that network. The WB once paired Buffy the Vampire Slayer with 7th Heaven, for pity's sake.

Also, there is no point in yet another Nikita since this one is unlikely to star Roy Dupuis, famous Canadian hottie actor.

Gossip Girl remains as it was, so at least we can comfort ourselves with that.

Last night's The Vampire Diaries entry, "Blood Brothers," was heavy on the past, heavy on the brotherly relations, and heavy on the shirtlessness. In other words, it was awesome.

Stefan is to Angel

The similarities between Stefan and Angel have been pretty obvious to anyone familiar with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They even show up in Stefan's jawline, brow, and hair style. Last night really pushed the similarity to the edge by taking Stefan's plot pretty much completely from the BVTS episode, "Amends." Now, I get that there are books that the show is based on, and blah blah all vampire stuff is kind of similar cakes, but I'm not really complaining. For one, "Amends" came midway through the third season; "Blood Brothers" appears toward the end of season one because this show moves lightening fast. For two, we finally, finally got to the source of Damon's fatwa (oh, I said it) against Stefan, and it was totally in character. I love this show.

I always thought it would be my friends that would push me into Samgirl territory. With the exception of one Johnny Come Lately who's only in the second season, every single person I know who watches the show is a Deangirl. Jensen Ackles is mega talented, so throwing that pretty face into the mix is just dirty pool. Sometimes I find myself gravitating slightly more toward Sam just to be contrary (that and The Chest and a winning way with physical comedy). But in Thursday's episode, "99 Problems" (but a bitch ain't one), I realized my Sam/Dean real problem: Dean's a quitter. Sam's a fighter.

We're dropped in the middle of the action (I briefly worried that we were starting in the middle of the episode and backing up 72 hours earlier or similar, a trope I can no longer stand) with a bloodied Sam and Dean on the run from a gaggle of demons and saved by a Lutheran militia with a holy water fire truck and a lightening quick Enochian exorcism. Hey, look, Ma! The Apocalypse is on! Only in small town continental U.S., but it's a start. Misters Winchester decide to stick around. The town's survival is down to Leah, preacher's daughter and prophet.

Leah's pushing the town more and more toward scary survivalist compound, which Sam has the good sense to find suspicious (Sam to Dean: "She just outlawed 90% of your personality."). Dean, however, sits down for a talk about faith with Leah because, as previously noted, the fight's gone out of him. It should also be noted that it's completely understandable why, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Oh, show, just when I think I could not love you more. Remember when Vicki asked Stefan how long it's been since he drank human blood, and he shot a side glance at Elena and cryptically replied, "It's been years." Apparently that meant something! I could not be more impressed with the "apparently that meant something!"s on this show. It didn't mean something until the end of the episode, though, so hang on a moment.

In last Thursday's episode, "Let the Right One In" (incidentally a fantastic movie if you haven't seen it), Pearl once again makes the mistake of thinking she can trust Frederick for even half a second. Pearl and Anna head into town, making Frederick promise to play nice. Turns out his idea of playing nice is kidnapping Stefan, so he can torture Stefan to death. Shirtless, which is nice for the viewers, but unfortunate overall. Damon grokes to the Stefan-is-missing thing pretty quickly, but Mrs. Gibbons' is thralled into keeping Damon out. Elena hilariously thinks she should just go wander into Vamp Camp, but even Damon recognizes that for the stupid plan it is. So they appeal to . . . Alaric?!

Seems that Stefan told Damon all about Alaric's magic ring at some point off-screen. Since Alaric's vampire-invincible and human, that makes him Damon's perfect ally for Operation Rescue Stefan. For reasons unclear, Alaric agrees to this plot (although, TBH, if I were vampire-invincible, I'd probably roll up to Vamp Camp to kill all the vampires sooner or later). They eventually agree to let Elena come along as the getaway driver.

There's this thing on True Blood about how vampires, no matter how decently they might behave and no matter how much TruBlood they might drink, are essentially predators and being in a room with one is like being in a room with a loaded gun. It's only a matter of time before it goes off. Even Bill, our erstwhile "hero" of vampiredom, feeds on humans on the regular.

So last night's The Vampire Diaries entry, "Bloodlines," featured not at all the plotline I had read (though I am informed it is in the books and only a matter of time before the show goes there), but instead something we all could have guessed: Damon rescues Elena from the car accident/potential vamp attack and then drags her off to Georgia while she is unconscious rather than taking her to a hospital (okay, maybe we didn't guess the road trip part). This marks the second episode in which Elena is griveously injured but does not seek medical attention, and I can't tell if the writers are going somewhere with this (death wish? maybe combined with survivor's grief?) or if they think we won't notice. Hey, Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec! I noticed!

Anyway, what starts out as a kidnapping morphs into a deciding to stick around with, save the life of, and start to like a dude who:

Despite the fact that I'm in my mid-twenties and headed toward my late twenties soon enough, I still watch the CW. I came of age when the network did (back when it was the WB): Buffy started when I was 13; Dawson's Creek premièred when I was 14. We have a bond. It's usually called"hotties."

I went into Melrose Place Tuesday evening expecting nothing and got the same in return. It doesn't seem like it will be the endlessly fun camp-fest of the original, and virtually none of the characters attract attention. Katie Cassidy, known to some as original recipe Ruby (Supernatural) and others as doomed Trish Wellington (Harper's Island), is the lone stand out as the truly bitchy Ella Simms, a.k.a the new Heather Locklear (compete with jokes about bad dye jobs). They've upped the ante by turning the character bi, but she's still hung up on some guy who's only got eyes for someone else. As much love as I have for Cassidy, she's not enough of a reason to stick it out. Final Verdict: Good enough when there's nothing else to do and you are bored our of your gourd. Not good enough for any other reason.

Though the Vampire Diaries books are older than Twilight and True Blood, the success of the latter two no doubt secured Kevin Williamson's adaptation a place on the CW's schedule. Fortunately for us viewers, it's just the right blend of soapy, campy, and violent. Also fortunately, no one's used the word soulmate yet. After one episode, all the characters are more vivid and interesting than everyone in the Twi-verse. Sadly, because of a little thing called "censors," they will never be as "vivid" (read: naked) as the good people of Bon Temps. But hot vampire brothers locked in a centuries long battle over a woman whose doppelgänger is already interested in at least one of them? There are worse things.
Final verdict: Assuming I never have to hear the s-word again, a full season order would do me fine. 

Sweet, sweet movies, what have you on offer this weekend?

A few releases that have been kicking around elsewhere have landed here this weekend, like Adam, in which darling Hugh Dancy plays a young man with Asperger's negotiating a romantic relationship with Rose Byrne. Two horror movies, both of which were not screened for critics, are also opening this weekend: The Final Destination and Halloween II. I saw the first FD movie and none of the sequels, and, well, I don't always have the stomach for horror. I watch a lot of stuff and almost never look away, but I just don't do Rob Zombie. 

Ang Lee's Taking Woodstock is also out. As if the August release weren't a bad enough sign, the reviews have been poor as well. David Edelstein took issue with the adaptation and the casting.  Oh, well. I can accept that Lee's not suited to every genre, and Demetri Martin can remain on my TV and lap top screen.

As if appearing in Millennium, Buffy the Vampires Slayer, and Angel didn't buy him enough Cult Cred, actor James Marsters has signed on to Caprica, the upcoming Battlestar Galactica spin-off.

I'm still only halfway through watching BSG, but I'll definitely look forward to seeing Marsters on Caprica when I finally get through the series!