By dropping period trappings on that ass, of course! Playbill has series of two minute shorts called "Jersey Shore Gone Wilde" in which dialogue is lifted from Jersey Shore and given an Oscar Wilde treatment. The results are far more hilarious than they should be. Check it after the jump!

The internet was made for this: Librarians repurposing "Poker Face" for their ca-ca-ca-catalogue and Christian Bale in a "Bad Romance." See 'em both after the jump.

Every once and while I get into the idea of theme songs: for people, for events, for specific days. I'm known in certain circles, for example, for my summer jams. If you want to entice me to go on a road trip, play Kansas' "Carry on My Wayward Son." Naturally, I sometimes think of songs to match the month's theme. This time, Jonathan Coulton springs to mind:

In addition to the fact that The Runaways will have begin a limited release in Canada and the U.S. this Friday, it's been well publicized for some time now that it stars Kristen Stewart as Joan Jett and Dakota Fanning as Cherrie Currie. Nothing new here, obviously. But I actually watched the trailer this weekend, and you know what? It totally stars Gossip Girl's Taylor Momsen. See for yourself:

I don't mean to trivialize what happened, but that's exactly what he said. Watch:

I was checking out the Vulture, and I came across a post that involved Jeremy Renner singing an apparently hilarious original song on The View. Cube protocol be damned, I need to watch that right now! When I clicked on it, YouTube told me this:

This video contains content from ABC Soapnet, who has decided to block it in your country. 

Finally, a little truth. None of the "sorry unavailable in your country at this time" crap I get from Hulu and the like. ABC Soapnet just doesn't want Canadians to see Jeremy Renner singing and possibly hurting his Oscar chances (hope not, btw). 

MSNBC, however, has no problems with Canadians, so you can watch Renner share a bear hug with should-have-been-nominated Hurt Locker co-star Anthony Mackie.

Gossip Girl's return is still more than a month away (still March 8), so naturally a certain emptiness and listlessness has started to take over your everyday life (particularly Mondays at 9 p.m.). To that end, I've decided to lift your spirits by reminding you about the Southern Mothers ft. Matt Pearson rap.

On my way home from work yestereve, a man walking behind me was trying valiantly to do that thing guys do when walking in the city after dark, which is to go out of their way to make it clear that they are not an attacker. Unfortunately, he took it too far and fell victim to inner city pressure.

January's theme, liberation, just reminded me of the final song of Act 1 of the rock opera version of Notre Dame de Paris, so I decided to share it with you. Yes, rock opera. I love a good rock opera about a tragedy, don't you? Everyone sings their little hearts out and dies. Anyway, the song's called "Liberés," and you can watch it after the jump.

Variety has decided to resurrect their pay wall starting, oh, today. The plan is to ask one in 10 users for their user name and password (previously emailed to subscribers) and to gradually turn off the tap over the next two months to five free views per month for the rest of us plebs. While Variety  is wealth of information, I tend to turn to it more for the occasional in-depth piece rather than the daily news (this week: "Film composers lose luster"), so I'm not terribly broken up about this.

About a month ago, a publicist I work with mentioned that this would be coming, not about Variety specifically, but that we should expect a trend of free online news sources shifting to subscriber sites. The question, of course, is whether advertisers will follow. It's no secret that traditional media makes the vast majority of its revenue from advertisers rather than subscribers (ooo, the product they sell is you! Scary!). So why is limiting the number of eyeballs you can sell to advertisers a good thing? Will users gradually come on board with the pay-for-product model that the internet has been savvy enough to eschew, or will the Globe and Mail just give up entirely and unlock their street corner dispensers?

You know what? We should just bring back newsies. Those kids had hustle:

Since we only linked to the trailer for The Suitcase in our interview with writer-director David J. Garfield and surely you could not tear yourself away long enough to watch it, I thought I would do you a props and embed it properly for your enjoyment. Check it out after the jump!

Because we are nothing if not consummate Bob Dylan connoisseurs, we would be remiss if we did not direct you to immediately watch the video for "Must Be Santa" from Christmas in the Heart. It's after the jump!

You may recall the glorious day when I linked to the Slapsgiving song for no particular reason last February (okay, there was a reason, but that's unimportant now). Last night's How I Met Your Mother was a Slapsgiving redux, and, while it's generally agreed that it wasn't quite as awesome as the first time around, it did include the Slapsgiving song re-imagined as a commercial jingle for one of Lily's dad's crappy board games. Only, tbh, I would totally want to find a Slap Bet board game under the tree. Watch it after the jump!

In case you haven't already checked them out, this week's YouTube picks are now up.There's four (4!), which should provide you with four perfect, if short, escapes from your workday. Plus, hotties! You're welcome.

Okay, they're from Ocean's Eleven and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. But check them out!

After last night's True Blood, in which Sarah and Jason go at it in the balcony of the sanctuary at the Fellowship of the Light while Sookie and Hugo are locked up downstairs (and Godric's apparently rattling around down there somewhere) and Lorena prevents Bill from saving Sookie at Eric's behest and Daphne betrays Sam to Maryann so she can cut out his heart, I had a heart attack. At the second season's mid point, Alan Ball et al had ratcheted up so much tension that I cannot possibly watch an episode without a lot of yelling. Then, this happened:

Check out the new Youtube Pick - J.K Rowling delivers a POWERFUL commencement speech to a graduating Harvard Class in June 2008. It will move you!!!

If you don't know what A Glass and a Half Full Productions are, that's really a shame for you. Fortunately, you can head on over to check out this week's YouTube picks, which feature nothing but. I defy you to not see the genius in that advertizing campaign.

Summer is almost officially here, and the Ottawa International Jazz Festival is less than two weeks away (June 25 - July 5). There aren't many better ways to spend a warm summer evening than sitting outside and listening to some live jazz.

This week's Youtube picks feature a couple of the greats: Miles Davis's soundtrack to the 1958 Louis Malle film "Ascenseur pour l'echaffaud" (Elevator to the Gallows); and the legendary drummer Art Blakey and his group, The Jazz Messengers, featuring Lee Morgan on trumpet, Wayne Shorter on tenor sax, Bobby Timmons on piano, and Jymie Merritt on bass, playing Timmons's "Dat Dere".

Shorter will be performing at the Ottawa Festival on Thursday, July 2nd; and Jimmy Cobb -- Davis's drummer from the Kind of Blue album, made a year after Ascenseur -- is celebrating the 50th anniversary of the album's release by touring with his So What Band, in town on June 26th.

Check out the trailers for the two most bananas movies I have seen (recently, anyway), plus a bonus absurdist bit from an animated short.

This week's youtube clips are are designed to help patch over the gaping wound in my soul caused by the lack of a major international soccer tournament this summer. They feature two of the greatest teams ever to appear at the World Cup, Brazil's 1970 team with Pele, Jairzinho, Gerson, and Carlos Alberto, and Holland's 1974 team featuring Johann Cruyff, Johan Neeskens, Arie Haan, and Johnny Rep. Ah, 1970s soccer - bright shirts, shaggy hair, spectacular plays...I'm nostalgic for it, and I wasn't even born yet.